Confusing feedback in a social situation?

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hartzofspace
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14 Oct 2006, 7:44 pm

Has anyone ever experienced confusing feedback, such as the following:
I went downtown on some errands, and saw that there was some sort of festival going on. So I stopped to look around at the displays, and listen to the music (Much too loud), and then I saw that this was some kind of Gay/Lesbian Pride event. Oh, well. So I decided to check out a vendors stand that had beautiful sea shells. I asked the lady who was selling them, where she got all the magnificent shells. She told me (from all over the world, basically). I went back to admiring the shells, and when I looked up, the first lady had another lady possesively wrapping her arms around her, and staring at me. I felt like she was acting teritorial, and since I am interested in seashells, not women, I felt basically confused and irritated. My question is this. Did that other lady think I was hitting on her partner? I was only interested in the shells. :oops:


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Raph522
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14 Oct 2006, 8:01 pm

its hard to tell without being there. did she see you talking to the woman before? It seems that it may have been possesive from the way from what you've written. if she was possesive she may have just mistaken your enthusiasm for the shells for faking intrest to start small talk or flirting(something like that)...but thiss has never happened to me(or if it did i did not notice) so i am not really sure what it means


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hartzofspace
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14 Oct 2006, 8:11 pm

Yeah, that's what I thought. I had been checking out the shells for awhile, and I finally decided to ask the lady about them. That was the only time I spoke to her.


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MrMark
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14 Oct 2006, 8:21 pm

Talking to someone is often interpreted as flirting. Her lover probably feels a little insecure. There's this thing, the French have a word for it, the conversation beneath the conversation. When he says to her, "What a beautiful day," he means "What a beautiful girl." You were talking about "beautiful, magnificant shells..." It can be very confusing sometimes how the natives do things on this planet. Like visiting a different country or culture. :wink:


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wobbegong
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14 Oct 2006, 8:22 pm

The one doing the arm wrapping - might have been doing it for "shock value" too - to see if you found "lesbians" offensive or not. Or she might have been cold and hugging her partner/friend to warm up. She may have been hoping that you'd finish up - buy and/or leave - so she could talk to her partner/friend about personal stuff. And they'd both be looking at you in the hope that you might buy something (and not steal something).

I have found at gay and lesbian events - that there are more overt public displays of affection (PDAs) than you might otherwise see. I get a feeling of it stating "we're homosexual - this is our event, if you don't like it - go away". If you ask, they usually say something about feeling free to be themselves.

However I don't like any major PDAs between same sex couples or heterosexual couples. I always think "get a (private) room". I think it excludes other people and is something that should be kept private. It is pretty dumb for a shop keeper to exclude potential customers in this way - but maybe she didn't care if she sold anything. I know if I had a seashell collection like that - I'd have hard time parting with any of them.



hartzofspace
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14 Oct 2006, 8:40 pm

I guess I never stop learning new things about the natives of this planet. But the worst of it is, it rarely carries over to the next situation. As for the PDA, I always feel intensely irritated and/or embarrassed by it. Do they think the captive audience is jealous? Or envious? I always look the other way. As for the shells, they didn't seem to care about selling them, because I had to wait awhile before this lady showed up. I don't think she was even keeping an eye on them. But I wouldn't have stolen from them. :?


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wobbegong
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14 Oct 2006, 8:58 pm

I think the major PDA thing - is often when two people are besotted with each other - they can't keep their hands (and mouths) off each other and they don't care what anyone else thinks. They sometimes even enjoy other people's embarrassment - and think of it as envy. They imagine because they feel so good - that you wish you had what they have. They're being rude and they often know it and they don't care. There's not a lot anyone else can do about it.

I guess if you want their attention - all you can do is say something inane like how wonderful it must be to be so in love, otherwise if you just want to look at the seashells - you can pretty much pretend they're not there. If they insist on you paying them attention - you can say you're not into voyerism - sorry.



hartzofspace
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14 Oct 2006, 9:07 pm

Actually, I thought of saying, "Sorry, I didn't bring my camera." :x


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14 Oct 2006, 11:40 pm

Hahahah they would have loved that no doubt, a lot of people can be very insecure when it comes to "owning" each other.

I had to get out of a relationship recently because every time I shared my thoughts with her friends, relatives, ANYONE, she would assume that meant I wanted them, because half the time I find it hard to speak at all, I tried to explain to her its certain interests that are easy for me, but some people do think they have the right to own others..

"Love, is a way of feeling"


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