What does it take to be a mother?

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Hi.

I want to have two children in the future. I love children.
I will be a single person, because I don't want to have a husband or boyfriend.
Right now I cannot talk to other people than my family, and I'm very sensitive to a lot of things.
But otherwise I'm a calm, loving person and I get along with everybody.
What skills do I need in order to be a mother?
Thanks in advance.

/ IceKitten.

I suppose I was being typically "aspie" when I saw the thread title and wanted to answer "a fertilized egg".

But the answer to your actual question I do not know. I've never even been interested enough in children to observe what's good in other people. I have observed some bad parents though, only because they annoyed me. Hopefully someone with some experience will answer.

Wow, there's no easy or single answer for this question. However, I can recommend a few things. First of all, it takes a good amount of money...enough to take care of the childrens basic needs, send them to school, take them to the doctor, and stuff like that. And although its not required, children usually want to have birthday parties and toys...you know, fun things. They love to play.

They need a lot of attention, especially when they're young. It can be quite exhausting. You need a lot of patience. They get "in trouble" a lot and have to be disciplined. You might tell your child that he or she has to do something, like eat their vegetables, and they will stubbornly refuse. They defy your authority a lot and get sad and upset when they don't get their way.

Some parents end up giving in and take on a more passive approach. They are called permissive parents. They will let their children do anything they want. These children often end up spoiled, bratty, selfish, and insecure due to lack of structure. On the other hand, some parents are authoritarian and are too strict. They tend to hit their child a lot and don't tell their child why something he or she is doing is wrong...they just say things like "its wrong cause I said so!" According to psychologists, the best kind of parent is authoritative which is a balance of the other two kinds. An authoritative parent is firm with their kid when they need to be but they are also reasonable and explain things to the kid. They give the kids certain freedoms but they have no problem putting their foot down when they need to. For more info, look these terms up online or read about them in a psychology book.

It also helps to spend some time around kids to get an idea about what parenting is like. I highly recommend volunteering for a daycare center or babysitting some kids. You want to spend time with both babies and toddlers to see what the first few years of parenting will be like. I volunteered at a daycare before and I helped out in both the baby room and the preschool classroom. The preschool classroom can get loud and chaotic sometimes so be prepared. Children aren't that bad alone but when there's a big number of them together they get kind of hyper. (I used to be a preschool teacher and had a hard time dealing with 18 kids all by myself)

I also want to say that you are already on your way to becoming a good mother just by asking that question. Many people just have kids and don't think about what it entails. So congratulations on already being ahead of some parents! Keep thinking about it and learning new stuff. Good luck!

LeagueGirl will be able to answer that.

I also want to mention that you can homeschool your kids if you don't want to send them to school. Sending them to school often involves some social interaction with other parents and teachers.

Your children would probably get a great education from you at home but I imagine they would want to socialize with other kids. Its important for them to have "play dates" where they get together with other kids their age. You can find a way to do this without having to be too social yourself. For instance, you can get together with other parents who have aspergers & just let your kids play with theirs. (With some adult supervision, of course). You can also drop them off at certain daycares for a while or if your kid likes sports, you can have them join a sports team and just drop them off at a park to play soccer or whatever for a few hours. There's all kinds of clubs and classes geared towards kids. I remember taking dance classes when I was young. And karate seems to be a popular one today along with summer camps. These things often involve little social interaction because its usually just a matter of you dropping off or picking up your kid from their favorite activity. You can always have family members or babysitters take them to these events if you don't going there.

And pets are always a great play opportunity for kids too. They love all kinds of pets from hermit crabs to dogs. Helping them learn how to take care of animals is a great educational experience too.

Sorry, ill stop writing now before I bore everyone to death.

Love understanding and a stable home.

Flexibility
The ability to put your obsessions aside
Being able to see others point of view
Dealing with interruptions
The ability to deal with people and using the phone


Kids are full of surprises so it's going to be hard to keep your routine. You also need to spend time with them and need to put them first so your obsessions might have to wait. Same as cooking them food and helping them with their homework and giving them their baths and putting them to bed. You also need to see things from your kids point of views and try and understand their perspective. Kids will also interrupt you when you are in the middle of something and dealing with other people, that will come to your kids friends parents and school and using the telephone, you would need to make phone calls to the teacher or school principal if you need to call your kid in sick or need to schedule a meeting or talking to a kid's parent if they do something to your child.

Oh yeah I only have a two month old so my life is just beginning as a parent. I haven't reached the other stages yet parents have gone through. But I can tell you it takes patience as a parent because kids won't always do what you want them to do and you have to deal with repetitive questions young kids ask.

I guess that I wouldn't make a very good mother for obvious reasons. My special interests would get in the way.

I am a different sort of parent. I am an attachment parent. My children co-sleep, i wear them instead of using a pram, i did blw (feed them the same food as i had from 6 months no purees), i did part time elimination communication and i use cloth nappies the rest of the time. I also never scream or yell or smack or put my children in time out.

I have a nearly 3.5yr old with HFA/LFA (depending on the day) and a 2 yr old. They both sit at the table and use cutlery correctly, use manners inc saying sorry when they upset anyone. They are also VERY quiet. They don't yell and scream or shout. I treat them with respect and i get it in return.

I have also found that my MAJOR special interest since having children has been pregnancy and children. I am now studying to be a midwife.




In response to your question, what makes a good mother? I believe it is respect for the little person you are raising. They are a person and should be treated as such.

I don't think there is any such term as "attachment parent"...unless it comes from another subject and I haven't heard of it. It sounds like you are permissive....perhaps not the extreme example the textbooks usually show but nonetheless, permissve. If you never discipline your kids under any circumstances it shows you are a permissive parent. I understand you are trying to point out that your parenting involves a lot of attachment....which is exactly what your kids want and you are allowing all the time....very permissive.

I won't say who but a mother I know sleeps with her 17 year old son ...they haven't spent one night apart. He is so clingy and attached and it interfers with his and her life in a negative way. Its abnormal for someone his age...and the mother is so permissive she won't discipline him.

I didn't say i don't discipline them. i just dont do it in the conventional way. "i look my children in the eyes and say "I am sad/ angry/ emotional because you xyz." I then hold them and tell them i understand that they feel sad and frustrated because because they cant verbalise because of their age but i still understand and then i sing their special song.

Also what is wrong with a 17yr old sleeping with their mother and having a special bond? is it wrong because you don't have it?

Its wrong because when he has to sleep on his own he can't. And in the real world he is required too...he's going away to college next year, for example. So yeah, its a problem.

And no thank you, I'm a 23 year old adult and I can do fine without mommy. She used to make me sleep with her too but I demanded my own room when I was in 4th grade. I didn't consider it a special bond...I considered it a lack of independence. I think its healthy for kids and adults to have a certain degree of independence. You can sleep with your kids until they're 50 if you want. I guess they just have to be ok with sleeping on their own if required to do so. Or not...its their life. But most kids will request their own room at a certain point because they want to act grown up. It doesn't mean they don't love you ( :

I think you should read the continuum concept. It explains my parenting philosophy and i know a lot of other parents follow it too. My children are fine to sleep in their own beds if they want to and have them. we all choose to sleep together. I am realistic enough that i know that my 17yr old son most likely will sleep in another room but if he wants to snuggle his mummy in bed, i am fine with it (i don't know how i will feel about stinky men farts lol).

I really take offense to the label "passive parent". It is derogatory and is deliberately offensive towards someone who doesn't follow your own beliefs. I would never label someone that subscribes to Cry It Out as a heartless cow even though i think it. Maybe your parenting style should evolve from Routine parenting and progress to incorporate dr spock at least. I have to wonder if your newborn had to go outside for 2 hours every day rain or shine, or if you beleived that it is wrong to hug your child between feeds.

There is nothing nicer then waking up with 2 children snuggling into you first thing in the morning.

I have two kids, both being two little superspeeded cute little "monekys"

ANY single parent is going to be in for a hard ride.

There are a few things that I found a bit challenging.
Yes, kids come first so there really isnt much time to get absorbed into special interests and it is a sacrifice that needs to be made.
On a positive note, its good practise as well if you WANT to balance that out a bit

Now, not everyone will have kids like mine but mine....are hyper"monkeys", and they are loud and very active"monkeys" and they are 5 years apart in age.

Here's a little scenario for you.
My daughter jumps off the couch, little brother who was a bit over a year jumps of the couch too, turns into a human ball and tumbles into the table.
Daughter runs around the corner, little brother(in some attempt to catch up) runs into a wall.
Daughter gets overstimulated and starts banging her head against the wall, laughing
little brother thinks its hilarious and starts banging his little head against the wall too.
No tears, Oh no..Just laughter, squeeky happy screams, constant movement, doors slamming and two kids out of control having the time of their life.
Me standing in the middle, not knowing if I should cry, or laugh.
What saved me from madness I think was those little things that look like headphones but are used to protect childrens ears from loud volume ( not sure what those are called in english).Those were originally bought for my youngest before attenting an event once and well, lets just say Ive worn those more often than he has since.

Economy, love, caring, understanding, bonding.

I dont think I could grasp empathy before I had kids.I noticed a slight shift after I had them, although Im sure Im not close to NT empathy.

I love my kids and it is all worth it but......Im not a naturally equipped MOM, so I had to work on it and I had to work on it hard, especially with bonding as I "detach" easily and go off in my own direction.I had to constantly remind myself of who should come first.

Good Luck.

You can call it offensive but its not meant to be. Its a scientific term psychologists came up with to describe a type of parenting. Its called permissive parenting for a reason.

As far as me not hugging my infant or whatever...that's crazy. You're getting to emotional. I prefer authoritative parenting which involves lots of love. Its very balanced and psychologists recommend it. I don't think u have a full understanding of these terms...

I suspect I don't have it.