What does it take to be a mother?

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I think you are using terms that are only accepted in your country and forget this is an international forum and the word you used is a slur here. I think lots of americans have the same problem, thinking that other countries may take offense to some words they choose to use.

Here, there are 3 styles of parenting "Authoritive" as you called it, Spock and Attachment parenting. What you call permissive is more Spock style parenting (I had to google what you are one about). Attachment parenting is based on traditional tribal parenting. Obviously every child in africa, amazon, pacific islands, will grow up not to leave their mother's side.

I am actually studying this at university so forgive me for not accepting your take on parenting as the best.

Maybe i should add steam to the fire, I choose not to Vaxx either!

I was raised largely in the attachment style (especially by the Hawaiian side of my family, speaking of Pacific) and slept with my grandfather for 5 years. Sleeping was just sleeping. As I got older, I got my own space, but my family is very close knit and we have rather intense relationships with one another. My sister is raising her children in a similar fashion.

When missionaries arrived in Hawai'i they gave Hawaiian parents a hard time about being too lenient with their children, but I think they failed to understand that it wasn't a lack of discipline, just a different kind. To outward appearances I was allowed to do just about anything I wanted, but within the family I was taught values and skills that don't even seem to enter into the Western paradigm (regrettably IMO). There is a type of social restraint, mannerisms, and a knowledge base I had to learn and will teach my own children if and when I have them. My grandmother seems like she spoils me, but if she says jump I ask how high and if I get out of line she can cut me like a razor with a simple tone of her voice. She has never had to demand that I do or not do anything. So in the Pacific model, though it is perceived as attachment, there is still discipline.

But to answer the OP, love and patience are the two first qualities that come to my mind. Honestly, since you already love kids I bet when you have them, all those qualities that will make you a great mom will just become a part of you.

A strong sense of empathy for all people.

Solvejg,

I never meant to be offensive. I was just talking about the science of Psychology. I studied at a university too. Does your university reject science or something? Do you not study psychology? Also, I would love it if someone could please explain why permissive parenting is a slur. Is there a more polite way to refer to this parenting style? And exactly which countries take offense to this term?

I understand what you are referring to attachment parenting now...thanks for clearing that up.

Yea you must hate science if you choose not to vaccinate. That is so dangerous to your kids.

I do not hate science. What a simply silly thing to imply. I don't study a "science" subject, i study a "health science" subject. What i have learnt in my many years of study and life experience is that anyone can grab any scientific article and report to prove anything but there will always be one that disproves the first. So what you read and study and believe to be fact could be taken as a lack of diverse reading and research.

permissivist, noun.
a person who is excessively indulgent toward unacceptable behavior or attitudes. how is that not offensive to someone?

Also i don't vaxx because the doctors have warned me that my child can die. He has multiple severe life threatening allergies that make vaxxing dangerous. I am lucky i went to the doctor and read all the information so my son didn't die from having a needle jabbed in his arm at a vaxx clinic that doesn't even use registered nurses.

There's always different articles being published on all sides but that's why you have to learn how to do proper research. There's usually a side that is right and they have better resources, a lot of evidence, and good credentials. You just have to ignore the garbage being published by people with political/religious agendas. That's how to find out who's right. And in some cases, the answer is unknown so we will have to wait until there is good evidence.

I've never heard of a kid not being able to get vaxxed cause of an illness. Vaccines are safe. Maybe if your kid has some kind of autoimmune disorder...that would make sense.

Permissive can be offensive to some so I see what you are saying. But many people in america don't consider it offensive...probably cause they spoil their kids and are well aware of it. Perhaps there is another pc candy coated term that some prefer....but if a parent is permissive why lie about it? Sometimes the truth hurts ...but I'm not going to call it something its not to make people feel better. If it fits the definition...then it fits. Not saying you are this way though...just talking about how there's so many permissive parents in america.

Alright *starts waving red flag around like a nut".

One of you dont agree with the other persons way of parenting and speaks her mind.The other replies with a comment that can be considered hurtful.Then off you both go discussing how you dont agree on eachothers way of parenting.

While its been entertaining to read.Cant we all just accept that we do things differently.

Sure, having a 17 year old sleep in the same bed as mommy will sting some people's eyes, but this is HER way of doing things.Everyone here, Im sure is doing their best, and what they think is best for their kids.There is no point in bringing education in and doing the whole " I know better because I have ...etc".You're both doing a great job but differently.You are doing what you can with the knowledge that you have at hand at this moment.This makes you both great parents.
While its interesting do read both of your opinions, it would be so much nicer if they were written in a means to share only and not in a "I know better than you "way.It clutters the thread up with un necessary arguments.

Its a forum ofcourse and maybe I should adjust to that and that there will always be debates of some sort.I am aware of that and dont mean to critisize anyone so I am truly sorry if this come across that way.

I just want you both to realise that at this point, you are both doing amazing jobs as parents, with whatever knowledge you have and you take what you know and create the most positive of that, and that is OK.It may even be great.All parents do this, all the time and unless there is a serious alarming issue happening here that is straight out abusive,
then maybe we can all just respect our differences?

Lots of love and a spanking.

Sperm meets egg.

A womb with a view?