Jokes About Asperger's

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3 nuns die in a car crash. They wait and the gates of heavan and god comes out and says
"I need to ask you each a question before I can allow you to enter"
His question to the first nun is
"Who was the first lady of our world?"
The first nun answers
"Eve"
God says
"Excellent you may come in"
The first nun goes in to heaven
God then asks his question to the second nun
"Where did Eve live?"
The second nun answers
"Easy, the garden of eden"
God replies
"Well done you may also enter"
He then reaches the third nun and says
"You question needs to be slightly more difficult, after all you are the mother superior"
The thid nun replies
"Ok I will do my best"
God then gives her the question
"What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when they met?"
The third nun looks puzzelled, scratches her had and mutters
"Hummm thats a hard one"
To which god replies
"Thats right, your in"

I got it straight away! I laughed my head off!
Goes to show Aspies CAN laugh and get jokes first!

X: And what does it mean being an Aspie?
Y: Hmmm... it is like you have VERY slow internet, VERY slow download, but information is vitally important for you. So what do you do? You download pictures and sounds at low quality, or don't download them at all.
X: But it is not bad...it works.
Y: Yes...but I still don't have pictures(
X: Eh..but how beautiful is your ASCII art!

..("` -' ' '-/ ")...._ _ _ _. .-- ' ' " `-._ .. ,
...`о _`о . . ) . . `- . . . . . . . (. . . . .) ., `-._ _.``)
...( _Y_. ) `. . . ._. . ) . . . . . `- _. . .`,.``- ... - `..
......`- -' _ -..-.-/. . / - - - `. . ._, ' . , '
.(l l ).-- ' ' ......( ( I.`.............(( !._'......

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jkBOU9etRA[/youtube]

This little kid said to me "You've got autism!"
I replied "That's a big word for someone who can't be more than 2,861 days old."

Pictures do not seem to come through here. Go to Goole Images, type in "carnelian," and find pictures for the following captions.

A bunch of Aspergers kids playing together (a handful of stones)

A dance at the Aspergers Club (a stone bracelet)

High functioning aspergers (a polished piece)


... and yes, I'm new to an aspergers diagnosis and may not be coping really well.

What is the difference between an extroverted and an introverted aspie?

The extroverted Aspie looks at your shoes when talking to you.

NT: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Aspie: They came out at the same time, the chicken is inside the egg.

An aspie walks into a bar...faints from sensory overload.

Why did an aspie cross the road?
Because there was people on the side walk and there's no one on the other side.

Why did an aspie crash his car into McDonald's?
Because it said "drive thru".

An aspie driver held up traffic at an intersection before the police arrested him. A news reporter asked the aspie why he did this. This is what he said, "There was a sign that said 'stop' and it never went away, nor did a sign saying 'go' appear and so I just obeyed what the sign said."

An aspie driver stopped his car in the middle of the road and started crying "I'm doomed!!" A bystander approached the aspie and asked what was wrong. The aspie said "I turned into a road and the sign said 'no exit'. So pretty much I'm trapped here until the day I die!"

At a wedding, there was an aspie groom. The pastor said, "You may kiss the bride." In response, the groom said "What!! Why didn't you tell me earlier that I wasn't allowed to kiss her (points to the bride) until now?!?!?!?!?"

Why did a police officer shoot an aspie?
Because the officer said "Put your hands in the air!" but the aspie figured that air was everywhere and so he kept his hands near his pockets.

An NT guy and an aspie girl were sitting in a coffee shop (they are "just friends" hanging out at the moment). The guy says to the girl "Wanna go out with me?" The girl responds "Sure." The girl then gets out of her seat, puts on her jacket and begins walking towards the door. The guy, knowing that the girl did not understand sarcasm (hence wouldn't use it), chases after her and said in a confused tone, "Where are you going?" The girl said "I thought we agreed to leave the coffee shop and go outside. Did you suddenly change your mind?"

This.
Change the title for "Emotions Of An Aspie" and that picture for a pic of Asperger's poker face.

An aspie hosted a house party. 15 people (not including himself) were expected to show up. Why did the aspie only let 3 people into the house and refused to let anyone else in?
They (the aspie and the 3 others) were playing the card game President and someone said they had a full house.

Well, it isn't really a joke, more of a humorous comment my friend said to me.

So I was shaking like crazy before a big saxophone audition, and she notices I'm upset. So she says:

"I'd hug you right now, but you have Asperger's"

I thought that was funny