The unpopular WP members club

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I agree with that. Every thread that mentions the words "random member" are similar.
I would imagine that a new member would feel left out.

I will probably be known as a over-sensative attention seeker for now on. I think that my feelings and intentions are misunderstood.
I get no attention at all in real life and sometimes That drives me insane.
Most people in real life think of me as soft-spoken,shy,strange and over-sensitive and I often just fade into the background.
Yesterday I went to a restaurant and the service people didn't even know that I was standing there.
I spoke but apparently it was not loud and forceful enough for proper service.

I don't really want a lot of attention. I just want someone to notice that I exist.
I think that wanting to be noticed is part of human nature.

If I'm not yet POPULAR, does that make me UNPOPULAR?

This exactly.

This x2.

I would love to meet Keeno as his username reminds me of a TV show from my childhood. Also, his posts are often sensible and not frivolous.

I can really relate to that. I feel so invisible, both in real life and online. I don't need to be the center of attention, but just having my existence acknowledged sometimes would be nice. I'm tired of people acting like I don't exist. I've often found myself wondering whether they seriously don't even notice me or whether they just ignore me on purpose.

Do we have some kind of a vibe that just doesn't really register on other people's radar?? Not being seen or heard, repeatedly and by pretty much everyone... how is that possible? I've always found this very puzzling.

I find it astounding how many Aspies are unhappy here !
For my part, this is a sanctuary, not a pub or a party!
I don't care who likes me or where I am in the popularity contests!
I speak my mind and am am honest when I do so!
I am joyous to be an aspy, I cannot imagine being anything else!
f**k off if you disagree with anyone on this thread ,
we're all in it together


And even if you throw around the odd "Congratulations" or "I think you're cool" or "bff forever"
so what?
Nothings going to change where you are at or how you are felling about that,
unless someone in real life really does notice that,
which brings us all back to ...

I PREFER open hostility because to me, it's a better form of communication than being ignored, gossiped about, or dissed in sneaky ways! At least it's up-front and honest. Because I experienced "catty exclusion" on this - of all sites!! - I understand this behavior to be one of just plain human nature. It has nothing to do with being NT or being on the spectrum. But it's FAR WORSE when you go onto the Women's Discussion forum. Instead of just disagreeing, they team up against you and marginalize you. Isn't that bullying?! YES!! !! ! "Well, excuuuuuse me for NOT being the right kind of WEIRD!! !"

i have been told by very many people that if i have nothing nice to say then i should say nothing at all. there is no use in whinging because it is like trying to blow a hurricane backwards with only my breath.
the universe will unfold as it should, and resistance to it is futile.

TimTex wrote:

I don't care much for those thread either, Tim. And btw, back in the post a picture of yourself thread I commented on a picture of you sitting at a dinner table surround by some very beautiful religious icons and I think I remember asking you about where you were in that picture. I haven't checked back to see if you responded. I am a collector of religious artifacts and that's why I loved the picture so much.

Artrat wrote:


Not by me you won't. (not a very good sentence, is it? That double negative thing). Ah, I can definitely relate to what you say about having feelings and intentions misunderstood. That problem has plagued me my whole life and I think it's a common experience for all people, but we, as spectrumites, take it very personal and obsess over it. I know I do.



Sometimes, in certain situations, I wouldn't mind being invisible , but I do agree that everyone needs attention and wanting attention is not the mark of poor character, but as you say, part of human nature.

IdiotsOpposite wrote:

Hmmmm. Maybe you are Popular in an Unpopular way or maybe you are unpopular in a popular way. Anyway, in this thread you will be just as popular as everyone else. It's an Equal Popularity Provider. (and we all shine on)

Also, I like your username. How many times have I heard myself say, "I'm not an idiot, you know!"

Keeno said:


Indubitably. My kids used to have a game called Keeno


Asp-Z said:

Indubitably. Indubitably.

Tequila said:

There is a time for everything under heaven. A time to be sensible and a time to be frivolous.

Amik said:


I agree, it's puzzling. We could actually have some kind of a vibe that is intimidating, or off-putting. Sometimes it feels or seems like people take an instant dislike to me without even knowing me, I think this premise or theme would make an excellent board game. Do You See Me Or Do You Don't? Will You See Me Or WILL You Won't?

syzygyish said:



Perhaps not everyone at WP is as secure as you, syzygyish. I don't think people in this thread are really concerned with being popular, that's just the name given or related to a particular problem many Aspies run into, not just on wrong planet, but in their everyday real life experiences. I'm not posting in this thread because I want to be popular on WP, and I don't think other people are either. They are trying to understand what makes social groups "click", and "clique" and this thread offers a good and safe place to do discuss that.

RIghtGalaxy said:


I too prefer open hostility, there's nothing worse in my experience than dealing with passive-aggressive behavior. To me that's is the worst kind of aggression because it is so subtle and if you complain they will deny it and label you paranoid.

I don't care where I am in any popularity contest either and I don't feel any need to be popular. However, it is nice to at least be acknowledged sometimes rather than feel like I'm just talking to thin air. I'm ignored and avoided enough in real life. Now that I'm around other people who I can relate to in many ways, it's nice to get some kind of a response when sharing thoughts or experiences.


I've noticed the same thing. Some people seem to find me intimidating for some reason. The funny thing is that then there are other people who seem to think the exact opposite. A lot of people seem to either instantly trust me or instantly fear me, and some seem to find me intimidating while others seem to find me vulnerable and try to take advantage of that. There is rarely anything in between, always either of those extremes. I have no idea why people sense such different vibes from me.

I like your board game suggestion. That could be a fun and interesting game. Now you see me and now you don't!

I posted this in the rants section, but as someone pointed out, it would probably be more fitting to be posted here. So here goes:

I'm very frustrated because a large number of people here post threads that are purposely controversial or are looking for pity points.
I can't seem to find any other Asperger's support forums for people that are determined to work on themselves. It seems like a lot of the users here who are successful and have made efforts are brushed aside, or argued with, or their words are lost in a sea of negativity. The site in itself is pretty good, and the articles are great!


But...

I don't really feel comfortable posting my genuine opinions on most of the threads here because it seems like a good amount of them turn into heated debates. I'm not much of an arguer, and I'm even less skilled at debating. All it would take is one articulate person, throwing a bunch of verbiage around, to debunk my thoughts on a subject.

I'm disheartened because I'm just not sure if this site will be a good advocate for my needs, and it would be nice if I didn't have to come up with ten thousand plus posts for those needs to be acknowledged.

Just because I'm new doesn't mean that I'm any less important than anybody else. This forum has been the hardest out of many to integrate into. The forum doesn't have to be a support group for a select few, if people would put forth a bit more effort into making new people feel welcome.

Quoting Amik:

Well stated, Amik.

And I like your name for the game better than mine. "Now You See Me, Now You Don't" That's brilliant!

Quoting AnnettaMarie:


I would suggest staying away from controversial threads. There are just some subjects that it's best not to discuss outside of your own circle of friends and family, in my opinion, such as religion and politics, unless you are the kind of person who is able to maintain your composer when things get hot. I am not a good arguer or debater either. I don't like being under attack and the way it makes me feel can even effect me physically. I stay away from those kinds of situations and threads. Some people are cut out for it, others aren't. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And, if you ever think someone or a group of someones is/are harassing you, or making comments aimed at you indirectly (passive aggressively) because of your opinions, report it to a mod at once, because it is definitely a form of bullying.



Don't be disheartened. Wait a bit and see how it goes. Start a thread or two of your own, maybe about your interests or something news worthy but non-controversial. Something you enjoy talking about. If anybody comes into that thread with an aim to upset it or cause a disruption, REPORT it, Also, remember, a handful of genuine friends or supporters are worth their weight in gold. We should all keep in mind what you said above which I have bolded. And not just the new members. All members, each member, is just as important as any other member and deserve to be treated respectfully and gain acceptance and respect on Wrong Planet.

OP; Haven't read all the rest of the posts here yet. Just wanted to say it's a good idea. I hope it continues with honesty and gentleness and not too complicated.

Last edited by mntn13 on 03 Feb 2012, 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Interesting, I didn't know there was a TV show with a character called Keeno. What was the show? I could tell you then if I'm anything like the character.

I'm sure the chance to meet would be possible some day. There are many Aspie meetups around the UK. Are you involved with Aspie Village at all? They have a lot of details about Aspie meetups. I attend many, though mostly here in Scotland. Aspie Village's site owner lives in Preston, so there have been many meetups there.



I once had the Poker Keeno game box pic as my avatar here.



There is indeed a time for everything, such as me attempting to be frivolous and it coming off right.

In trying to navigate this thread, I wondered if it might be a good idea if everyone should try (not obligatory) to reply to the last post they see, so that that poster is acknowledged? I think I'll adopt that approach from now on. So:



I don't know what to say other than, first of all, welcome. I don't know what else to say, except that I find the amount of controversy and threads that become arguments make the place feel like it has many pitfalls to me too. I don't like that either. Also, try not to think of post count as an indicator of popularity. I haven't articulated this before but I feel post counts should be abolished as they serve no useful purpose. Besides, users with posts in the order of 10,000's have said in these threads they don't feel popular.

Not everyone feels the same way as you.
I don't really care about popularity but I don't enjoy being invisible.
When people have been hurt or feel isolated a few kind words can make a difference.
You have disagreed with this thread and I don't think that you should f**k off.

AnnettaMarie-
I was new just a few months ago and still feel a bit unwelcome.
I hate debate too and sometimes I feel the need to use the PPR forum. I now feel uncomfortable to post there because my beliefs and views have been insulted. I have even posted a thread on one of my interests and only got one reply.
I completely understand how you feel.

Amik-
I guess that the lack of social skills makes aspies more difficult to notice unless the are very talented and confident.
The only time anyone has ever noticed me is when I have the very rare public meltdown.
Then people stare at me and treat me like some sort of monster.

cosmiccat-
I think some people on the spectrum are over-sensitive and offended by nearly everything.
I am like that and being invisible makes me feel awful.

Keeno-
I think that replying to the last poster is a good idea. I never expected this thread to grow to such a large size.
I actually thought that I was the only person that felt this way but I am obviously not.

nmtn13-
This thread has gotten really big so I don't blame you for not reading the entire thing.
I am surprised that it has stayed this positive.