How does an aspie define the "reality of life"?

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My reality is, I'm outnumbered and a minority, of a minority, of a minority.

Hi sweetleaf.
Your comment is not a rant, it shows the story of your life. Bear with me here, We all operate according to our unconscious patterns and these patterns are formed by the time we are five or six. These patterns reflect our environment, so if you have a negative environment then you will have negative patterns. As our patterns are a function of the unconscious, they guide and dictate our life, our feelings and behavior. We perceive everything via the filter of our patterns and so continue to act and react accordingly.

The conscious mind has the most amazing ability of choice and decision making, though we rarely use it, we nearly always simply choose what the pattern dictates.

My point is that if your life is not good and you do not enjoy life, then this is sad. Every day I help people to enjoy life, most of my clients are at the end of their tether, they are depressed and hate life. Though like you they have excellent reasons to feel that way. They have been abused and they have learnt/been taught that they are worthless pieces of s**t and so their life reflects that.

It is easy when dealing face to face with a person to transform their pattern in 3 - 4 sessions so that they achieve a happy and joyous life, their confidence. Self esteem becomes full and the rest of their life blossoms.

So I am saying you have a choice, life is how you make it and it means that you can continue on the path that your first 5 years experience has taught/brainwashed you into believing, such as- you are a freak etc, or you can define what YOU want. How do you want to be? don't base this on the past, if you had a totally new life, right now that had no learnings from your past, how would like to be?

To stay on the path that we learnt in our early childhood is the easiest thing to do (no matter how painful) for we do not have to change anything, we may hate being on the path but we follow it regardlessly. To change paths (deep down feels impossible and so we don't attempt it) feels like just too much hard work.

If you would like to be happy and not have negative beliefs about yourself, then there is a process to achieve this. As I do this for a living (and I love it) I understand the process and how easy it is. The first step though is the desire to change and then the willingness even if it feels impossible.
Sadly most people can't make that first step till they have nothing left to lose (suicidal), why wait.

PS.
All the negative beliefs that you may have about yourself such as you're freak, you are worthless, you are nothing etc, etc are an illusion, you were taught them (you can teach a young child anything no matter how ridiculous, for they simply absorb information like a sponge). They are not true, though you believe them and so constantly act as if they are true - they govern your life. They are simply information that now takes precedence over opposing information. but you can unlearn them and then the real truth shines through.

Maybe - Deep down inside you perhaps buried in rock like substance where nobody can find it, is a tiny shimmer of a golden sparkle. The sparkle once filled your whole body but little by little it felt like you traded it, to get some sort of acceptance so you could try and fit in or survive, It felt like that is all other people wanted, every time they gave you something, they wanted a piece of that sparkle. One day you realized that you couldn't give anymore away, as then there would be no more you and so you buried it and locked it up, where even you can see it.

Hi sweetleaf,
Most therapist tend to buy into the clients problem and try to fix it, which ends up just round in circles.
You seem very intelligent and I guess you are 'happy' for want of a better word in maintaining the status quo.

To me it seems irrelevant what I would do if I had a totally new life that had no learning from my past. That's impossible so its really no use thinking about it to me. I have the life I have and can try and figure out what to do with that I guess.
It is not impossible, but that is up to you. You have accepted the life that you have as final and so change is not desired or contemplated and that is fine, as it is your life.

And not to sound disturbed but I think that sparkle got smothered out a long time ago, hence the feeling dead inside.
It may be smothered but it is still there, you've learnt to fear using it. When it is activated it flows and expands, you can never lose it, you can only avoid allowing it to flow.

There is no point trying harder and get over it, it simply dosen't work. When things are resolved or transformed then they lose their value and have no effect on you.

Hi sweetleaf,
What status quo exactly? How you feel about yourself and life.

I think it is impossible to start a new life with no learning from the past........I would have to die for that to happen, as most people only get one life to live and I am pretty sure I am not the exception to the rule. You get one life, which is the collection of 50 to 70 trillion cells coexisting together as one entity. But your experience of life is a moment by moment thing, like a string of beads. Each new bead is placed next to the preceding ones so we end up with a necklace. The necklace has at its core an unseen string, the string guides the function of the necklace. We can stop simply adding beads upon the old string (pathway) and get a different string and get a completely different necklace.

.
Life is an experience and so you can start a new life at any time. In the diagram you are born with option 1. as your default pathway. If your environment is supportive in your earliest years, then you will adapt. How you are today is a result of that adaptation. Option 2. is the pattern that conforms to your early environment.

Today, you may say that your present environment is similar to your early environment but as an adult you can change the pattern and so change your future and your life. but it comes down to - do you want a different future, do you want to feel better about yourself? Do you want to be free of the pain and turmoil?

Anything can be resolved, if you follow a process then you will naturally achieve the results of that process. You are unconsciously following a process that began around age five and you are constantly achieving the results of that process today. To make the process palatable you will derive unconscious benefits and this maintains the status quo and prevents change.

Follow a different process then you will naturally achieve different results.

Cheers

See the thing is even if I where to somehow change my state of mind it would not change my situation. I mean I have little or no job experience, no college degree and no plans to get one I have a bunch of college loans to pay back and have no income whatsoever. But whatever it's my problem I suppose....

Believe me, changing you state of mind changes everything, it snowballs.
Your situation may still be the same for a while, but you won't be a victim of it. You will become more capable and more in control.
I

And that is Okay

I find I attempt to escape when I am able. Outside in nature by myself is reinvigorating to me and makes me feel more human. When I am around people too much it is incredibly uninteresting and wears on me. I can see myself becoming more and more reclusive, which I am not sure is a good idea, but I think I am happiest when I don't feel obligated to be part of some sort of conglomerate that erodes each other's humanity each and every day.