Do Aspies/Auties usually miss people

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Joined: 4 Feb 2010
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14 Aug 2012, 2:24 am

I only miss people when I am not going to see them for a while and it depends on the relationship I have with them. I also miss someone if I need them. I didn't really miss my son while he was away until my husband got better and he was back to normal. Then all of a sudden I was missing him a lot because I wanted him back and felt ready.

I don't understand how people can miss someone of they will see them again that day. I guess they don't like being away from them perhaps so they want them there?

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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

Kjas
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14 Aug 2012, 7:17 am

gilmour11 wrote:

I dated a man for a year and a half. He has a grown autistic son. It saddened me greatly to see that his grown son got very VERY little to no attention or acknowledgement whatsoever from anyone including his dad his own mother or even his sister. No one really seemed to ever compliment or point about the special abilities he possesses. It bothered me so much I tried to make up for it by doing just that....always commenting on the incredible gifts he had and how proud I was of him. He was a genius when it came to tech stuff.

Anyway, we really bonded as a spent a good bit of time with him taking him places to eat and to shop and to carnivals etc. I felt it was so important to boost his sense of self esteem so I did what I could to let him know that he was so loved and so special to me. Unfortunately his dad and I split up a few weeks back and I wonder if I should continue the effort to try and see him. I miss him terribly but I simply don't know if this is a one-sided sentiment given the fact that he is a high functioning autistic young man. I don't want to complicate his life or make him uncomfortable in any way, but I also don't want him to ever feel as though I am indifferent to him because that simply could not be further from the truth. I often hear that Aspies and Auties don't usually miss people much so I'm asking for any input I can find about what to do moving forward. Should I continue to reach out or is he likely okay without me. Maybe he just doesn't miss or need me in the same way.....Does anyone have any thoughts? Thank you all so much for reading this post!

Have you considered that he may actually be able to relate to you... even only somewhat? If you have a lot of Aspie traits then that might make you one of the few people he may be able to relate to somewhat and one of the few you halfway understands him. That connection might be slightly vaulable to him for that reason?

He will probably be unlikely to initiate contact even if he wanted to though, it's a social minefield when it comes to post-break up etiquette so he probably doesn't have a clue of what is or isn't appropriate.

If I were you I would probably simply send him a text or an email asking if he would still like to see you. At least you will probably get a direct answer from him rather than having to guess. I don't see how it would hurt.

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Pondering
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14 Aug 2012, 7:35 am

I miss a lot of people and animals. My friends, G/F (when I have one), animals, and sometimes family.

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UnLoser
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14 Aug 2012, 2:56 pm

I sometimes get a desire to see people, but I don't really "miss" them.

keira
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14 Aug 2012, 2:59 pm

aspiemike wrote:

I miss people that play an important role in my life, For some people, it takes a little while longer to get that feeling about them

This ^^^

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14 Aug 2012, 3:22 pm

I can miss people though it has to depend on the relationship I have with them.

Curiotical
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16 Aug 2012, 11:56 am

From experience, I can say that Aspies and Auties do miss people. Someone close to me died over a year ago and I still haven't fully gotten over it.

You should definitely send him a text or e-mail asking him if he would like to spend time with you. If so, you should talk to his dad about it. Athough, depending on the nature of the break up, it might be best to give your ex some time to calm down first.

I think it's great that you tried so hard to improve his self-esteem.
Good luck!

gilmour11
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18 Aug 2012, 12:00 am

Thank you all again. I have started talking to him on the internet the last few days. It's a little different though. He seems to be a bit stand offish and I feel so bad that he seems a bit confused. His father is and aspie and has admitted to me that when we broke up before he really bad mouthed me to the boy. He also admitted he knows he shouldn't do that but he says he gets mad and can't help himself. I'm certain that's what is going on again. I try to stay close enough to the son so he can remember that I am still the same person I have always been inspite of the awful things his dad says in anger. I also try to show him I am still the same person who loves him. I never ever discuss his dad in any way with him as I think that is best. I try hard to keep his dad out of our friendship so he never feels tension or stuck in the middle.

I know he's trying to sort it out but just doesn't know what to think. It's so hard putting him on the spot and asking him directly...."Hey do you want to still see me? Or go hang out?" I'm afraid it will backfire and it will scare him off.

Thank you all for listening! I deeply appreciate your responses!

UDAspie13
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19 Aug 2012, 8:51 pm

I usually miss people but not a ton.
I miss my mom when I leave for the summer but not too much
I don't really ever miss my dad but he makes me nervous.
I miss my lil brother when he is away because he loves me and whenever I tell him something he is always like wow and he makes me feel special whereas my dad is always complimenting my 11-yr-old sis (complete NT) on her running or art or whatever. Never on my piano or math skills . Or art skills either.
I miss people when they first leave but then I don't. It never lasts.

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