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i killed a big spider about 2 months ago and i was very ashamed of doing so later on.
he was a huntsman spider and i researched huntsman spiders after i sprayed him. and i found out that they live for about 8 years.

hunstsman spiders i found out are very timid and never bite humans. they are peaceful and i killed him because i did not like the way he looked to me.

when i sprayed him with insecticide, he became uncoordinated and he fell to the floor and then he walked around in a staggering fashion and i knew he was going to die so i got a piece of paper and placed it over him and then i stepped on it to end his misery.

i felt so guilty about ending his life after i learned that he was very timid, he did not have to die because there was no chance that he would have hurt me, and i felt extreme guilt about stopping his life because he was innocent. i usually do not feel guilt but i did about that spider.

he did nothing wrong and he had no negative intentions but i killed him because i did not like him on the wall of my bedroom.


i felt very low after i saw him in his death throws that i caused. i will never kill anything again.

want to see the star , how they shine for you

Meh.

Here's to (hopefully) having some homemade biscuits sometime soon.

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Even if it means getting over a few fears...

A few random things to say...

1. I'm finally getting my benefits payment, after 7 weeks waiting.

2. As of April 1st there've been hash changes to benefits, today I found out that from April 1st Citizens Advice can no longer afford to support in benefit appeals. Us poor, unemployed and disabled are doomed.

3. My street is filled with big blue cherry pickers, for no reason.

4. The girl in her early twenties sitting next to me on the metro today had skin of a 60 year old due to over-tanning, quite shocking.

5. The man sitting over from me on the metro, an old scruffy looking man, had his zipper down and was blatantly playing with himself. Ew.

6. I saw a childhood friend, also on my Facebook friends list, I looked terrible and was out of 'tokens' for today so I was pleased to avoid her seeing me...but I always feel guily when I have to avoid people.

7. My cats only like one, hard to find, brand of cat food...managed to get some today, so I've now got two very happy cats.

Courage is doing something even though u fear it. Of course it helps to plan wisely & be safe, etc.

My high school band director died.