Is this bullying?
When I was a child, the grownups would always jump the line in front of me in the grocery store, one after the other. I'd stand there for half an hour, afraid I'd be late to school. If I said anything, they'd yell at me, "Quite, I'm a grownup", as if that gave them the right to mistreat me. The worker let them do it, and then when the store was empty, she'd glare at me and turn her back and pretend to be busy. Finally she'd ring what my mother sent me to buy.
Do you think it's bullying? They don't do that to kids anymore, by the way. But everyone used to do that, and sometimes demand kids sitting in buses stand and let a grownup sit, not necessarily an old person or pregnant woman, just an adult. They'd act threatening if the kid wouldn't get up, so all the kids got up in the end.
So if everyone does that, is this bullying in your opinion? Because I'd never do it, and I think they were horrible people.
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It reminds me of one of the pearls of wisdom I've often been told: "if everyone treats you badly, it's your fault, not theirs".
Well, kids are spoiled brats today, aren't they? They probably should be taught what their place is like they used to be.
I have the opposite problem: I was never taught proper manners, so I feel horrible in public transportation when I don't know whom to give my seat and whom not to. Sometimes I just don't sit down to avoid the trouble.
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Last edited by Spiderpig on 08 Aug 2015, 7:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Thanks, Catlover5, not so bad as what happened to some kids who'd been beaten or molested.
By the way, I'm also a cat lover.
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Blogging about childhood and adulthood with Asperger and my own personl experience with rage attacks, shutdowns, social phobias etc. https://aspergerlifeblog.wordpress.com/
Whenever you think someone is scum, remember to say so to their face.
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The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
Well, kids are spoiled brats today, aren't they? They probably should be taught what their place is like they used to be.
I have the opposite problem: I was never taught proper manners, so I feel horrible in public transportation when I don't know whom to give my seat and whom not to. Sometimes I just don't sit down to avoid the trouble.
That kind of behavior is wrong, no matter who is doing it. As far as public transportation goes, if you see someone who obviously needs to sit more than you, give them your seat.
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When everyone is losing their heads except you, maybe you don't understand the situation.
I wouldn't use the term "bullying" necessarily, but it's unjust. If I understand correctly, adults cut in front of you in line just because you were a child? Maybe it's a cultural/generational thing, or whatever, but this is the first time I've heard of this kind of thing. =/
This definitely depends on the context. Somebody with low self-esteem who gets picked on for being different might already feel as if everything is there fault, when in fact it isn't.
And other times, someone might be a genuine jerk without admitting it to themselves , and wonder why everyone they meet is "so rude" and "overly sensitive".
It's got nothing to do with bullying. That's just how some adults acted back then, it was a different time. The only ones who really got upset over it was kids. They'd usually not complain out loud, at most a muttered protest, but they'd talk to other kids about it, and sometimes talk about it in class.
I've had that happen once or possibly twice in my childhood, and I know it's happened to other kids of my generation, but I think it was more common in previous generations.
I have twice experienced something else (somewhat related) that annoyed me way more. I've been in line and been waiting for my turn and been kept waiting because the cashier talked to a customer. And I don't mean shop-talk, or a few words, I mean long, private discussions. The first time I was 8, and wanted to buy a hot dog at a kiosk. The cashier was too "busy" chatting with the guy in front of me and I got so annoyed I left. My mother asked me what happened and I told her. She said she could buy it, but I declined, I didn't want a hot dog from that place.
Many years later the same thing happened in an electronics store. The clerk and a supplier was busy talking about their private lives (including their marriages) when I came in. I waited a few minutes, but when they still kept yakking I decided that if they wanted to treat me like a kid, I'd act like one, so I started playing around with the stapler. I was too old, but I looked younger than I was and I was annoyed. The clerk got annoyed, took the stapler and smiled a strained, polite smile. I pretended not to understand, gave him a big smile and asked for the item I had come to buy.
That's just bad customer treatment. He could have gotten rid of me very quickly and easily by dealing with me and then continue his chat.
I've also encountered some clerks that seemed to think the customers were disturbing them when they ask for things or tried to buy something.
A relative told me that when she was young they knew a clerk that was giving phony smiles at kids when they entered her kiosk with adults, but when they were alone, she was really sour towards them. The kids would come to her kiosk to get even, they'd buy one caramel worth 5 øre (I don't know what that is in dollars; there are 100 øre in 1 NOK, and there are ca 7 or 8 NOK in one USD; those of you with a math brain can do the math if you wish to).
Anyway, they came by one by one and bought one single caramel each that they wanted in a bag. Each and every one of them
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And other times, someone might be a genuine jerk without admitting it to themselves , and wonder why everyone they meet is "so rude" and "overly sensitive".
But that is reasonable. If you're going to be actually reasonable, rather than decide the person you're judging isn't worthy of the time and effort to carefully consider the variables of their situation and resort to a wise-sounding one-size-fits-all adage, you don't need pearls of wisdom.
By the way, I think most people consider unwillingness to emit hasty judgements full of gratuitous assumptions to be cowardly. They expect you to be bold enough to pretend to know what you don't actually know and take whatever risks the possibility of being wrong entails.
_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
I've had that happen once or possibly twice in my childhood, and I know it's happened to other kids of my generation, but I think it was more common in previous generations.
I have twice experienced something else (somewhat related) that annoyed me way more. I've been in line and been waiting for my turn and been kept waiting because the cashier talked to a customer. And I don't mean shop-talk, or a few words, I mean long, private discussions. The first time I was 8, and wanted to buy a hot dog at a kiosk. The cashier was too "busy" chatting with the guy in front of me and I got so annoyed I left. My mother asked me what happened and I told her. She said she could buy it, but I declined, I didn't want a hot dog from that place.
Many years later the same thing happened in an electronics store. The clerk and a supplier was busy talking about their private lives (including their marriages) when I came in. I waited a few minutes, but when they still kept yakking I decided that if they wanted to treat me like a kid, I'd act like one, so I started playing around with the stapler. I was too old, but I looked younger than I was and I was annoyed. The clerk got annoyed, took the stapler and smiled a strained, polite smile. I pretended not to understand, gave him a big smile and asked for the item I had come to buy.
That's just bad customer treatment. He could have gotten rid of me very quickly and easily by dealing with me and then continue his chat.
A relative told me that when she was young they knew a clerk that was giving phony smiles at kids when they entered her kiosk with adults, but when they were alone, she was really sour towards them. The kids would come to her kiosk to get even, they'd buy one caramel worth 5 øre (I don't know what that is in dollars; there are 100 øre in 1 NOK, and there are ca 7 or 8 NOK in one USD; those of you with a math brain can do the math if you wish to).
Anyway, they came buy one by one and bought one single caramel that they wanted in a bag. Each and every one of them
Simply impressive.
I can't help feeling I was massively spoiled as a kid. I don't remember adults ever cutting in line in front of me---only other kids. I even managed to shame someone into letting me and the ones who'd come with me keep our place, when, at some point, the long queue was moving forward quite fast and they were about to overtake us. Like the messed-up---and cowardly, since I didn't address the people I was talking about---little aspie I was, I asked loudly, "Do you know what overtaking means?". They obviously heard it and replied, "Yes: cutting in line", and slowed down.
Now I think I deserved a good punch in my face, but, of course, they'd have gotten in trouble for giving a little brat like me what he had coming.
_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
And other times, someone might be a genuine jerk without admitting it to themselves , and wonder why everyone they meet is "so rude" and "overly sensitive".
But that is reasonable. If you're going to be actually reasonable, rather than decide the person you're judging isn't worthy of the time and effort to carefully consider the variables of their situation and resort to a wise-sounding one-size-fits-all adage, you don't need pearls of wisdom.
By the way, I think most people consider unwillingness to emit hasty judgements full of gratuitous assumptions to be cowardly. They expect you to be bold enough to pretend to know what you don't actually know and take whatever risks the possibility of being wrong entails.
I can't tell if you're agreeing with me or being condescending. I'm sorry, you lost me.
my brain <----
That thing you said ---->
Why would I be condescending? I never thought my words could be interpreted that way. Sorry.
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The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
I was talking about my impressions regarding those pearls of wisdom. I'm used to having very little control over my life and I usually feel compelled to obey each and every one I'm told unless I manage to persuade them otherwise. In my opinion, they're only good for making hasty and unfair judgements, which, nevertheless, are usually considered good. I didn't want to imply that's what you do.
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The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
I think it has a lot to do with the culture and location. Adults still do that crap to other adults, and I've finally gotten sick of it and won't put up with it anymore even though I hate confrontation. I had to force myself to be assertive, me the quiet, timid thing...
I wasn't spoiled growing up, but my parents taught us that even kids deserve some respect. We need to be examples to kids (and other adults), we need to show them what manners are, and if we only show them what being rude is, then they will learn from that; either assuming adults are jerks or become jerks themselves. There are far too many adults who think they can get away with anything, and I'm not talking about the Millenial generation (aka the spoiled brat generation) but even baby boomers and before, who think the world is owed them.
I treat people with kindness and respect, I will hold doors open for anyone, assist in any way, let people go in front of me in line if I'm not in hurry and/or they have less than I do, etc etc, but I don't expect it of others, and I will not tolerate being treated as if I were less of a person than anyone else. I'm tired of being a doormat.
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I'm not entirely sure of that. You might as well teach them early that people are not equals by any stretch of the imagination and they should never expect reciprocity. Just because someone doesn't respect you doesn't mean they will tolerate any disrespect in return. The key is who has the power to discipline others. Inferiors have no business trying to discipline superiors. Respect has to be earned.
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The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.