joerojas87 wrote:
I fear an ordinary mundane reality, so I choose to live a life in the pursuit of truth and knowledge which naturally avoids the problem. Ultimately, I fear ignorance; ignorance which in turn will inevitably lead to conformity or blind submission to cultural and social norms and expectations. I fear that I may one day lose the inclination and patience in order to sustain a state of enlightenment, because a life as such tends to be a lonelier one, and I will always be tempted to relinquish my pursuit of truth in order to be accepted and respected by the majority.... but I can not avoid the downside of this reliance: a lonelier life.
Definitely. Very strongly. I spent most of my life finding answers to life's problems (see
AnswersAnswers.com and
tough questions). In return I find I have nothing in common with others, because NTs don't like to focus on ideas, and Aspies have their own obsessions. The quest has brought me nothing but grief, yet the thought of just accepting the world as it is, with its hungers and injustice and ignorance, horrifies me. It's an existential thing. NTs can ignore the problems and instead focus on their own happiness. I can't, so happiness is always out of reach.
I am the same in my career as well. I don't want to be an employee, so I make games instead. And I don't want to make games like others make, so mine are fundamentally different.
Come to think of it, I was the same in my 35 years as a religious zealot. others would just attend church for the social rewards, but I had to dig and research and always try to break new ground. Looking back, yes, its an aspie thing.