Ashariel wrote:
I hear you on all that. I vacillate between trying to show people I care (which I do), vs. keeping quiet because I know I really, really suck at guessing what's a helpful thing to say. In my own case I feel like I'm 'socially tone deaf', like someone who thinks they're good at singing but they're actually terrible at it, and should just shut up.
Hah, yep, exactly the same thought I've been having.
Because I can't seem to work it out - it's here at WP but also elsewhere. I'm being conscientious (or so I think) I'm being friendly, I'm being cooperative, I'm responding to people when they communicate a problem and suggesting things which I think might help them to fix their issue and be happier, I'm making sure they don't feel ignored or that no one cares that they are having difficulties ... so why isn't this working? What's the problem? It seems like people still can't stand me and I really don't see how else I could have responded, other than just ignore them, which they have told me is damaging to them.
I often see others responding in a way like "I'm sorry you feel that way, that must be hard for you," etc. Like ... validating that person's misery?
I don't understand the point of that. It offers no solution to the problem, so I don't think it's useful of me to respond that way. Plus of course, I cannot feel the way they feel or understand what that feeling is.
But like you I think maybe I should just shut up. The evidence seems to be in that what I'm doing isn't helpful, for me or for other people. Obviously, I have misunderstood, and need to revise my strategy (though how, I can't imagine).
I guess I have been trying to use these situations to learn to act human, and observe the results. Does it help other people? Does it result in people liking me better and having less issues with me? Seems not. I see other people being liked easily when they seemingly put in no effort, and it's a lot of effort for me and it still doesn't help my social understanding.
So yeah, maybe I should just shut up.
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Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.