Debbiegirl wrote:
Well, folks.I have been ostracized and "left out of the loop" by so many people in my life. I was born stunted and deformed, but I wasn't disabled. I do have this neural a-typical thing that i just "diagnosed myself" about five years ago. Growing up, my very mentally ill and alcoholic parents basically wrote me off because i was "not like all the other little girls" I was a dud. Such a disappointment. But, they never took me to a child psychologist or just a regular doctor to see what was "wrong". I was just yelled at and smacked around and called dummy and ret*d. Every relationship and job has been a nightmare. People just hate me. And they laugh at me. Even after 25 years after having quit a job, I will encounter some old former co-workers pointing and jeering at me "Look! It's Dingbat Debbie". I am a target for narcissistic psychopaths at home, at church, on the job. Yes, of course I have suffered depression. I have also worked on reading and educating myself about psychology, art, old movies, nature, photography. I have taught myself to play mandolin. That's about the only good thing about being alone all the time. i can't learn to drive, so that definitely creates limits.
Anyway, I have been working at an ice cream place for 16 years, and none of the staff has allowed me to do anything other than mop floors, clean toilets, throw out garbage, serve customers (unless they're friends). I am allowed to make ice cream cakes and ice cream novelties. I have constantly complained to my bosses about the nasty, back stabbing, constant criticism, slanderous gossip, and general systematic bullying. They did nothing but ask why I didn't quit. (Because no one else in town would hire me!) Oh, right - the boss lady did say that "We have to watch what we say around here!" I did end up seeing a therapist who expected me to sue them, but I didn't have money for a lawyer. My therapist never mentioned anything about the Human Rights people, at all. So, i just suffered. And my co-workers all told everyone I was crazy because I sought counselling for depression - which they caused.
I ended up reading an educating myself on Autism and Aspergers somewhere down the road as more info became available.
Well, five months ago we got new bosses. They actually respect me. The notice that I actually know most of the ins and outs of my workplace. (It's also taking time to get used to this kindness.) And, they can't understand why I was never allowed to learn any new skills other than the dirty work no one else wanted to do. I told them about my decade and a half long "Nazi concentration camp" environment run by the horrible, narrow minded buffoons who just got away with abusing me.
Now I'm learning to decorate cakes. The one thing "Dingbat Debbie" was never allowed to do. The other staff members who remained had their hours cut and they have had to "work their way up" to get full time hours. I have kept my full time hours. My new bosses do notice who is actually stocking, cleaning, working (that would be me) and who is standing around with their thumbs up their asses waiting for their next break (that would be the 'gee aren't we cool' employees.) My new bosses realize that I am indeed very intelligent, creative person. Different, but not "crazy" like everyone else says. There will be new staff hired to do all the cleaning when I'm busy in the cake room.
BTW, I also am sect./tres. of my local camera club -15 years now. (At least there I am actually respected, but that's because no one wants the responsibility of that office.) I'm a damned good nature photographer and my photos have been published in a few different magazines and newspapers.
So, things are looking up for me. It took 54 years. Better late than never.
You sound awesome. I bet your cakes are just as cool as you.
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"There once was a little molecule who dreamed of being part of the crest of a great wave..."
(From the story 'The Little Molecule' - Amazon Kindle, 2013)