WP Addicts Anonymous

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I miss Ferris.

Just dropped by, cause this place is the 2nd area on the internet where I actually feel human..

I think I may actually get something back on my income tax this year. So that's good.

(Or more likely I'll get a letter that says, "You failed to file schedule 528,433.219a in triplicate as required. Our agents will be visiting you tomorrow.")

I don't believe I am a "beloved child of the universe". I am a hated child. I was born prematurely since I was expected to die, other children hurt me just for being myself, my dreams were denied to me, and I am still treated badly as an adult.

Marknis: could you tell us what made you happy today? It can't be all "doom and gloom."

Even if you don't think it's significant, somehow.

I learned, after the death of my wife's son, that one should be happy even with "the little things."

It took me around two hours to write a three paged exploration on the levels of consciousness. Would anyone like to read it?

Edit: Since I'm going to bed now, I'll just post it anyway, along with the 13 Truths--13 Illusions I came up with for my books.

Levels of Consciousness: [from The Religion of Tomorrow by Ken Wilber]

1st Stage: Me VS You

1) Infrared Archaic
View: basic psychological, fusion, symbolic
Shadow Side: Identifying with the Body, Obsession with the Physical, Sex, Food, Basic Needs, Waste, Power, Living through primal feelings, Repressing the Body

2) Magenta Magic
View: Fantasy mind, emotional-sexual, images and symbols, immediate gratification, impulse
Shadow Side: Identifying with Emotions, Obsession with Sex, Power/Romantic Fantasies, Wanting to be Rescued, Repressing Emotions and Sexual Desire

3) Red Magic Mythic
View: Conceptual or intentional mind, power drives, safety, ‘Power Gods’, opportunistic
Shadow Side: Identifying with the Power Mind, Obsession with superhuman figures, heroic figures, Gods, and so forth, Struggles with control/dominance, “I am more powerful than everyone else” mentalities, Steamrolling over the feelings and needs of others

2nd Stage: Us VS Them [Personal]

4) Amber/Yellow Mythic
View: Concrete rule/rule mind, Conformist, traditional, belongingness, diplomat
Shadow Side: Literal interpretations of the Bible, My Way is the Only/”Right” Way, Rigid Thinking, Boxed Inside Out, Absolutism, Conformism, My Mind Against Your Mind, Forcing oneself into roles, following mental scripts, “You must believe this, and only this” mentalities

4.5) Amber-Orange Mythic Rational
View: Abstract rule/role mind, Expert-ism
Shadow Side: Believing oneself to be an expert/holder of all the knowledge/truth, Disregarding anyone else’s points of view, Argumentative, Only the chosen are welcomed

5) Orange Rational
View: Formal or rational mind, Multiplistic, modern, achiever
Shadow Side: Identifying with the Logical Mind, Focus on the mind as all there is, Repressing the Mind, Hyperfocused on self-esteem and self-worth turning into broken self-esteem and self-worth, “I’m Special/More Important Than Anyone Else” mentalities, Attacking what they dislike in themselves or what they see as “wrong”

6) Green Pluralistic
View: pluralistic mind, post modern, planetary, individualistic, sensitive
Shadow Side: Intense judgement that all judgements are bad, “Better than those who are lower” mentalities, Attacking/repressing things seen as lower, such as greed, materialism, business in general, Tendencies towards Narcissism, Nihilism, Apathy, deconstruct everything perspective, everything is terrible mentalities

3rd Stage: Us VS Them [Global]
7 and Teal Holistic and Turquoise Integral
View: low and high vision logic, holistic, systemic, strategist, global, construct-aware
Shadow Side: Attacking dominative hierarchies, acting malicious/extreme towards those of the Green level, revolutionary without examining core beliefs, “I’m at the highest stage of evolution” mentalities, thinking/reasoning that they are ‘one with everything’, but not experiencing/feeling it, making science a religion with zealous passion, materialistic

4rd Stage: Planetary Us VS the Cosmos

9) Indigo Para-Mind
View: transglobal, ego-aware
Shadow Side: Holding onto the idea of ‘unity’, making it into a concept/idea/belief instead of an awareness of that what you are, seeing the Cosmos as a unified materialistic structure, thinking about enlightenment instead of remembering it

10) Violet Meta-Mind
View: visionary, ironist
Shadow Side: Embracing “Heaven/the spiritual” and rejecting “Earth/the physical”, or the other way round, “everyone has to accept my view of the Cosmos/this is the only way to ‘save’ everyone/everyone must agree with me” mentality, imagined contact with “gods, aliens, ascended masters, higher beings”, trying to transcend the present moment instead of accepting it, getting lost in “Heaven”

11) Ultra Violet Overmind
View: Transcendental-ist
Shadow Side: Wanting to escape from “mundane reality”, focusing on the mind trying to making sense of the Cosmos, juxtaposition between “Heaven” and “Earth overwhelming, “I am the centre of everything” mentalities

12) White Supermind
View: Nondual, Transcendent-Immanent
Shadow Side: “I’m better than everyone else”, Omnicidal mentalities, Discarding/eliminating/destroying what is seen as unwanted instead of embracing everything, repressing/denying/turning away from what is seen as undesirable, flipping inside out into self-destruction, Primordial/Kosmic Avoidance


1-2-3-Spirit:
1) I am God/Spirit.
2) You are God/Spirit.
3) Everyone/Everything is God/Spirit.


13 Truths:
1-2) Unity/Divinity: All is divine. Awaken to your divine nature. There is no separation between anyone or anything. You cannot be separate from God. I am God, you are God, everyone and everything is God. We are literally all is one. I am you and you are me and I am everyone and everyone is me, and you are everyone and everyone is you. No one is ever alone, only All-One.
3) Now-ness: There is no time. All is the present moment, the now.
4) Life has no beginning or end. There is no death, only life. Life is not meant to be miserable, but a celebration. Embrace your innocence as a child, and play the game of life, joyful.
5) Love: Respond with love, for you are. There is no such thing as conditional love. Everyone is loved, unconditionally and divinely.
6) Light: The secret to enlightenment is to know that you are already enlightened.
7-8) Balance/NonDuality: There is no good nor bad, nor right nor wrong: simply what works and what does not work. There is no outer: only within. The Kosmos is within you: is you. What you resist, persists, what you give, you receive. You cannot change what you do not accept.
9-10) Eternity/Infinity: Immortality is not endless time. Eternity is the present moment. You cannot
11-12) Free Will/Freedom: You are not obligated to do anything. You do not own anything, nor can anything belong to you: you simply share. Your beliefs, thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, presumptions, and assumptions shape your reality. Therefore, reality is in the eye of the beholder.
13) Remember: Who You Are.

13 Illusions:
Need
Failure
Disunity
Insufficiency
Requirement
Judgement
Condemnation
Punishment
Conditionality
Superiority
Ignorance
Predestination
Time/Death

I don't know anything about levels of consciousness, so here's a baby hippo instead.

Sometimes, I wished humans were as friendly as these two animal friends.

As well my pet friend Sophia helps me to deal with stress and stupidtronic people as, well sometimes she'll watch tv with me;though, not all the time..

I'm really grateful, again, to have this community. 5.5 months of sobriety, but to my distress, I saw my shrink yesterday. AS is officially not in the DSM anymore. So I can't really receive any treatment for it. I don't know what to do. Already take other meds for other things.

Here's a new selfie:

I've picked up enough courage to stay at my clubhouse for dinner. We're having pork schnitzel.