Anyone else have self-abuse issues?

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I wouldn't ask normally, but yesterday I had a really bizarre experience. About 11:30am or so, I was sitting essentially by myself at work (there was no-one else on the particular section in which I was sitting, but there was someone on the next section over), and I was busily doing my work... until I hit a brick wall and had to stop for a bit. I opened a drawer, took out a letter-opener, and after looking at it for a little while, I started scratching lines and tally-marks into my own arms for no reason I can determine (and I've been experiencing mild urges to do it again today, too, which is somewhat concerning). I was sent home from work early and my mother and I had a talk about it in the car on the way home, while she cried and I felt awful for making her cry (I really don't like upsetting her, after all).

Now, I've made an appointment to see a doctor on Monday, which is slightly overdue as I'd wanted to talk to someone for a while prior to this, but it did just force the issue. It's really worrying, to be honest, and I have to wonder where I suddenly got the desire to do this from. I can pick out a few reasons why - relationship issues, my underlying sense of inadequacy, the death of my cat (who was, to be honest, the only recipient of my love apart from my family), that kind of thing - but I've never before been this physical about it all.

It was really perplexing

I don't know if this counts, but I pick the skin off my thumbs, mostly, and my fingers a little. At the tips halfway down to the joint. I pick it off untill my thumbs are a bloody mess and I can hardly use them. They hurt like hell. And Then I pick at them even more.

I find the actual picking itself quite relaxing, especially when I'm stressed or anxious.

Mr Sinister,

I am sorry to hear that you have been having a hard time of late. I have never self harmed but many of my friends have so i would think it is not that unusual. It isn't good though. I hope that you are able to get to the bottom of what is making you feel this way. Life is full of frustrations and you are welcome to message me any time if you want to talk to someone.

I hope the Doctors visit goes well on Monday. Were you after chemical assistance specifically? When I went to my Docs for depression, they were more keen to drug me than find out what was depressing me.

Lily

Because asthma runs in my family, my mom & my older sister, both NTs have it & I don't.
So I have a habit of hitting myself close to my left lung just to get the experience of one with asthma.

I only ever self abuse in the midst of a meltdown when I punch myself like some totally out of control, deranged thing. I hate it.
I used to cut a lot, but even that was usually done in an uncontrolled manner...and regretted once I had calmed down.

I haven't 'done it' in quite a long time, but I used to regularly. I never saw why it was a problem, personally. When my parents found out I didn't understand why it upset them.

But I've basically just not thought about it in a long time. Any upset I've had has been upset rather than manifesting in frustration and anger (which tends to cause my 'need' to self harm). So... that's all I have to say about it, really.

I haven't in a long time either. The last time I did anything serious, I sharpened a piece of large-diameter wire and stuck it into my wrist to see if I could tolerate the pain. I could.

Cutting is pretty well documented as a psychological thing. It often comes alongside depression, anxiety, ocd, eating disorders, and some other things. . . not sure what all off the top of my head.

Not doing it is one of my rules.

Yeah... yep. I can remember when I was about 6-7 years old, hitting my wristbone against the tile window in the bathroom, just because... well, I don't know why. It felt good. When I got a little older, I'd run my hands under the hottest water I could stand (I'm somewhat desenstised to pain, so it was pretty damn hot), and as a teenager I would make cuts on my arm. I couldn't feel it and I liked the blood. (I know, the "I liked the blood" part sounds lame, but it's true). Fortunately I never had the urge to make large or deep cuts; I regret my scars as it is, especially since people tend to think I was suicidal or something. I never was, but hurting myself was a compulsion. I wish I could give great advice on how to stop, but honestly all I did was "move on", which isn't very helpful to you at all. And, I promised my mother I'd never do it again, and imagining her face if she caught me hurting myself again is enough to stop me.

The body doesn't do a good job of coping with emotional pain, but the pain from injuring yourself makes the body release endorphins, which block out all kinds of pain. The only trouble is these chemicals are just like opiates (morphine+heroin = synthetic endorphins), so the more you make them the less they work, and you end up having to cause more and more damage to get the same release.

Just go for a run or do some other exercise until you feel totally exhausted. When you finally stop it feels great, and you can keep doing it because you get fitter and can do it for longer.

One time when I was younger I went into some kind of daze and broke a cd case and used the sharp edge of it to repeatidly slash my leg. I remember it didnt hurt either.

When I get so anxious that I sort of "lose it," and I hear this 'DING!' chime in my head, I cannot control my actions that follow which always are cackling like a maniac, clapping like a madman, and biting my fingers WHILE they are in fists. After a few seconds of biting, I'll produce harsh sounds that are probably done solely to damage my vocal chords.

Bear in mind, it takes a lot of harsh shocking messages to make me do this.