What's on your mind right now?

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I was telling a coworker today, after two other coworkers made big mistakes, how it's odd that the presumably neurotypical coworkers are making all the big eff-ups with money when here I am with diagnosed ADHD and dyscalulia (math dyslexia) and I'm not making those kind of mistakes.

(Most of my mistakes involve being too much of a pushover with customers. Like I got scolded for cashing a check for someone that we aren't supposed to cash because I didn't know how to tell the customer no.)

6 large seedless oranges a day per week.
That's how much I'm able to cope against sugar addiction. For now.
That's at least 4 USD equivalent per week, at least 16-20 USD equivalent per month.

Nevermind additional 2 USD equivalent worth of bananas per week. That's another 8-10 USD equivalent per month.
Just to prevent my legs from cramping every time I lay on bed and whenever I wake up.


So at least most of my whole week worth of my salary goes to this per month...
In fruits. That I alone can/should eat. To cope. Sigh.

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My liver clearly hurts every time I drink, and more every time, yet I can't stop drinking. I keep trying and then giving in eventually. I need to go to my doctor to at least get off of the medications that I think are contributing (and cause more issues in general than they help), but I'm scared to admit to him that I have a massive drinking problem now. I should be much more scared of damaging my liver and ending up slowly, painfully KMS though.

The fire alarm in my building went off just as I was about to go to bed yesterday evening. It took me an hour to wind down after that.

A sure fire way to preserve a notebook page is to write on sticky notes instead. The notebook pages would just hold the sticky notes.

So if I'm wrong or if I'm very disorganized, I could just remove and discard it.
If it's misplaced, I could just move it.


However.
Sticky notes are a bit more expensive if one doesn't know where to buy cheaper. Or, bad ones would fall off or damage the pages.
And THEN having the right size, right shape, right color... If one is that picky.

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I just washed the dishes, and after putting them away in to the drying cabinet, I found a glass shard from the sink. Fortunately, it was from the glass jar that I washed and am gonna recycle and not from one of the two drinking glasses that I also washed just now. Not that I'm short on those, but it would be annoying to break one. Again.

I feel lonely and I don't know why. I have lots of friends but no real close ones. The closest friends I have don't have time also, they are busy people and I need a lot of attention. Especially when I don't know what to do. If I have some of my hobbies to occupy my mind with it feel a little bit better. Also, I'm not sure if I know how to get close friends. I have no strategy. How does other autistic people deal with loneliness I wonder?

^

I rarely feel lonely or miss people, but I have an overwhelming sense of nostalgia all the time. That nostalgia is about times and places which include people, but it's a gestalt sensation that I want to go back in time or re-experience emotions, rather than feeling lonely in the present. I miss the old me, too.


On my mind:
Everything. All at once. Always.

There are things I should be doing. Tasks and such. I could make a list and one by one get them attended to. I'm overwhelmed though (not because of the list, but rather because of life stuff/the last few days) and figure the best thing for me to do is to take the rest of the day and simply sit, relax, and get my mellow on. Still, I can't make my head stop going 100mph in every direction at once over all this stuff I should be doing right now instead. Even though none of it even needs to be dealt with asap. It's like I'm thwarting my own relaxation and trying to keep the stress snowball gaining size and speed in my head. I need an internal off switch.

stop talking/writing
the more you say the more goes wrong

Spring allergies. What fun.