Got called "heartless" at the mall today

Post Reply New Topic

So I was at a mall and I was sitting down and waiting for my husband and this lady walks up to me and asks if I can spare any change and I said no. She told me I was a heartless person and walked away.

Maybe I should have given her pennies. I didn't have cash anyway and I rarely have any.

Ever had any encounters with these people such as conflicts or being called names or put down or insulted because you wouldn't or couldn't spare any change?

I would have probably been a lot harsher depending on my mood
or a lot nicer...

The lady was begging. I may be AS but I am also a soft touch. However, I don't give to beggars as a matter of course. This is a hard view but without knowledge of the person's actual circumstance donating could be doing more harm than good. I often give to charity but only where I have confidence that my donation is doing some good. My NT wife is less inclined to donate than me.

In my honest opinion, you should have given her the pennies. It would have been better than nothing. She might have called you a name because she was frustrated that no one was donating to her. You don't know how long she had been there or how many people she had asked prior to you.

I would have asked her if she accepted credit cards.

Hey, it's your choice if you want to give or not - no need to be insulted or harassed over it, although I understand how a refusal can be upsetting. But considering you're obviously pregnant I think the beggar is the one who acted in a "heartless" manner.

I was sore and it felt like I had been walking all day when I really hadn't. I was reading and resting and then this lady walks up to me and I hear "can you spare any change" part and that was all I heard. I couldn't really concentrate and be bothered because of what condition I was in. I just didn't want to be bothered while my mind was elsewhere. Anyway I didn't care if I was called heartless and lot of people don't give money to beggers because they don't know if they are wanting money for drugs and imagine how much money you have given away if you gave it away to everyone who asks for it? And I didn't think of pennies at the time until after wards but I was just too sore. My legs and my side above my belly due to my organs being squished. Now I wish my baby would come early next month. I know my belly isn't that big because I have seen other 34 week bellies and they are bigger than mine but I still look huge through my shirts. I guess the lady just didn't notice my belly because of my winter coat and the fact I was resting and didn't want to be bothered and my mind was elsewhere I didn't want to listen and be bugged. So only thing that came to my mine was the words "no" because I reacted to the "spare any change" part and I didn't hear what else she said, it was all gibberish because my mind didn't process it and I couldn't be arsed to say "what?" It was all of a sudden. But I never want to be bothered by these people anyway. Same as people who stand in the streets and try and have you sign up for things or ask you to register to vote or sales people. But when I am in a better mood and not in this condition, my mind works better and I am willing to listen better and have more patience. But sales people,neah, I don't trust them and don't like their pressure and I mostly ignore beggers and people who hold clipboards and I know the want you to sign up for a program and they will pressure you too just like sales people.


In the past I have given away pennies to people who ask for change just to get rid of them because I had too much in my purse. Then my husband told me to not do that and put them in the cup here and we can exchange them for quarters when it gets full. He said they could just be wanting drugs.

One time, this lady came up to my family's car and begged us for some money. She said she needed it to pay for a bus ticket. We gave it to her and then caught her eating junkfood and talking on a cellphone at a nearby restaurant. We called the police on her, and they said she was a con artist and did this all the time. She had already been in jail a few times for it, but often got away with it because few people were willing to show up in court for something so small. Now I don't give beggars money. It isn't like their lives are in my hands; they can get what they need to survive from charities and government programs if they really are struggling.

I have a "code" when dealing with something like this:

If I see someone out in our parking lot begging for money and they need it for their "habit" I will give them a few cents, because they're being honest.

If I see someone with a sign that reads "NEED MONEY FOR FOOD" I will not give them anything, because often they simply will peel out of the parking lot, presumably to go get either crack or other hard drugs.

Look on the bright side. She probably said that same thing to 100 people both before and after you as well, so you're not the only one. I am sorry about the that the woman treated you, though.

I particularly like the time some guy much more well dressed than me said he was down on his luck and needed some money

I never have money on me to give, but I do offer to share food if I have some on me or am able to acquire some easily. It's kind of like if they do need money for food they'll accept it. If it was for something else they'll just be annoyed and walk off. I however don't give money to people asking for whatever other reason... there's just no way to tell what they will use it for and also the only things that I can offer necessary to survive are food and water so anything else they ask for just seems less urgent of me.

I don't give money to beggars as you can't be sure about what they'll spend it on. With many, they'll just be as likely to spend it on drugs, as on a sandwich.

Don't worry. Begging is illegal (in US too?) and this woman should look for a job. If she gets money, she doesn't look, begging is easier.

While I have given money or food to beggars, I generally don't. One, I don't know what they'll do with the money. Two, many times it's a scam. Three, it could be a set up for a robbery.

I've never been called heartless, but I did have one incident that I thought was interesting. I was in a parking lot getting in my car when someone approached and asked me for money. I said no and he asked, "Are you a Christian?" Then I knew he was just trying to guilt me into giving him money. I said no and left.

this is the sort of thing that happens to me all the time.