[RANT] I don't get it.

Post Reply New Topic

I don't get it.

There are people who will go to great lengths to attract attention by complaining about how miserable they are because no one will hire them, no one will date them, and/or no one will love them. Their speech and writing seem to be an endless recitation of "Nobody Likes Me":

Oh, nobody likes me
Everybody hates me,
I think I'll go eat worms...

Yet, when offered advice on how to rid themselves of their misery, they either attack and lie to (or about) their advisors or they seek other venues where they can receive more sympathetic attention, thus keeping themselves in the same, miserable condition. They seem to want more "Oh, you poor, poor thing" and less "You need to lift yourself up". They seem to be more interested in bland, comfortable homilies that reinforce their value as sad and lonely people, and less interested in knowing how to become better people.

For them, it's a matter of sympathy over substance, and I just don't get it.

While I may be an Aspie, and thus unable to fully empathize with someone else's misery, it is fair to point out that I have been homeless, divorced, friendless, jobless, penniless, and generally destitute; AND, having raised myself up and out of abject poverty, I have both the experience and knowledge to advise someone in a similar situation how they can do it, too. I know what they're going through!

But what do I see?

I see people wallowing in self-pity, crying and whining over their misery, expecting the world to change for them, while shunning and rejecting any practical and helpful advice. I see miserable people lying, not only about how they got there, but about the actions and intentions of those who are trying to help. I see miserable people denying that they can be helped while simultaneously begging for help. I see miserable people expressing gratitude only to those who offer empty platitudes and saccharin ego-boosts (e.g., "Enablers"), while simultaneously expressing just enough negative emotion to keep the sympathetic people around.

Why does this happen? Why do the enablers NOT see that they are only encouraging those miserable people to express more misery? Why don't those miserable people ever want to do anything that would make them less miserable?

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

In my opinion.
It is known that Executive dysfunction is a common comorbid of Autism. Part of the catch all term Executive dysfunction is poor initiation. From reading your posts over the years I suspect you have little or no issues in that regard.

Another common comorbid of autism is depression. People in that conndition are apathetic and have a hopeless view of themselves.

This a bit cliche but we were raised in a different era. There was no place for people to enable each other, to reinforce each other about how hopeless the world is. There was no autism label saying what you can’t do. The common beliefs were everybody has problems, I gotta deal deal with mine, don’t burden me with yours, go figure it out yourself.

Literally ALL you do, Fnord, is belittle, complain and make others miserable. You did it the entire time you were here last and you're doing it now. Why did you even come back? You think your "wisdom" is deserving of worship, but all your are is a know-nothing cynic who mouths off crap everyone already knows. You think you're explaining the obvious to the oblivious? Who do you think you are? You think an edgy avatar and an even edgier sig makes you some kind of zen master or something? What's the purpose of your rants? No one asked for your "great knowledge," no one wants your "great knowledge," and it's neither great nor even knowledge. You can't understand that not everyone will or even can have the same outcome as you, so you do what everyone else does and belittle, attack, flame, troll, mouth off and complain. Just shut up for once in your life. No one wants to hear you.

Think of it as an exercise in compassion, which you have failed.

I think that there are some people who do like to wallow in their misery. Maybe they have more of a wish to fit in to society's standards, and they feel like when you give them an advice, it's worthless anyway since they are worthless. So they don't do anything to change the situation a little. And they're most likely depressed too. But i think even if you have depression you can at least try to change things,like asking for help.

I think in some cases it's a Munchausen type thing. These folks lay the histrionics on thick and you rarely if ever hear them say things like "thanks I'll try that, good idea, that was really helpful". Usually they shoot down everything and manage to make the people that are trying to help them feel guilty for not doing a good enough job, so they try keep trying to help only to get shot down again and again. Some have managed to keep this repetitive cycle going for years.

"Playing the victim" frequently becomes like a bad habit that can't be shaken.

It can be like a gnat to some people.

There are people who have been victimized. Many people.

But people, I feel, should at least strive to rise out of their situation, not let their troubles become as ingrained as chromosomes in their psyches.

Saying this, I also don't wish people to be belittled unnecessarily.

The most stubborn people are the ones who feel they are "entitled" to rant about other people, commit violence upon other people, do criminal acts----simply because they had some trauma in their lives.

"My mother spanked me.....that's why I go around robbing people!"

I've managed to get sucked in by one of these and even though I've known it all along, I realize they aren't really looking for a solution. They're just trying to string it out as much as possible. This one that I have finally given up on I couldn't help but think - this has got to be an act and I'm being taken for a ride.

Yep...always play nice with Ezra

In all seriousness, I feel Ezra is pretty hip to things. He won't get taken for a ride.

Sometimes, people have such pathology that they can't "see the forest for the trees."

It's like what happened in "Allegory of a Cave" when the cave dweller came out into the brilliant day.

Sometimes, a release from pathology has to come gradually. And has to be artfully done. It can't be done in one fell swoop.

The key is (and I often make mistakes with this): you have to know when to kick butt----and you have to know when to say "poor baby."