Smoking Around Children: Dilemma

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I have a quandary I was hoping to get some input on. Here's the problem. My entire family smokes. I used to enjoy big family get-togethers for Thanksgiving and Christmas at my grandmother's home where probably about 50 of us gather. The year my daughter was born I skipped it because she was a brand new two month old. The following year we went, but had to leave before long due to the very heavy cigarette smoke (of the 50 gathered, only the kids and about 4 adults are non-smokers). My daughter, then 14 months, coughed for two days for the hour we stayed there. I felt awful. I've never gone to another family thing since, because no one steps outside or even away from the children.

I miss the family. I would like to attend Christmas this year. Thing is, I really struggle with what is healthiest versus wanting them to meet their extended family. My son is turning two shortly and no one has met him aside from my immediate family. I regret this. Yet still a part of me, a big part of me, hesitates.

What would you do?

I know this is a difficult subject. For me though, the kids come first, second, third and fourth in any decisions. If the rest of the family can't see that their smoking is antisocial/may effect a child, then I wouldn't see them. It is their loss, not yours. I am a smoker and have been for 30 years but would never smoke around children.

Tell them to smoke outside only. Pen and Teller did a
"BullSh*t" program on how second hand smoke was not a major risk but have since issued a retraction saying the latest research suggest it is a major risk for non-smokers.

For quite some time among my freinds and associates smoking around children is a big No No most of those i know will go out into the garden to smoke if children are in the house, in fact most I know do this anyway.

I am the worst kind, an ex smoker

Almost exactly what I was going to post.

If the smokers won't stay outside then I guess you and the kids will have to. Bring a picnic table and a tent. Build a fire. Sound ridiculus? Oh my! What will the kinfolk think?!

The look on their faces would be priceless...

No don't build the fire. Then they'll just say, "look at that hypocrite. Going outside to expose her kids to smoke."

But do the picnic table. And maybe stick a no smoking sign on to it

my parents always smoked around me
as did family-without a care in the world
I forced them outside-because people laughed at me for stinking like smoke
so I had enough and my brother forced them outside (they wouldn't listen to me)

My family doesn't listen to anything I say. They never have. I'm "different" so therefore I must be the stupid one.

I'm assuming it will be cold, maybe snow on the ground. Congregate upwind. Unless there's some weird temperture inversion the smoke will be carried away. Besides, what the kinfolk think is not really the issue. This is a practical solution to a practical problem.

The practical solution would be to first exhaust all possible means of convincing them that smoking outside would be best for everyone.

Staying outside while everyone else is inside defeats the purpose of even going to such an event. At the most, people will likely come outside for a couple of minutes, then go back inside where everyone else is, and where it will be warm.

If the family members can't forgo smoking for a couple of hours or so, how much do they care? If they cannot step outside for a couple of minutes, how much do they really care? If they don't care...why bother going?


If they're thick-headed about it, print out some of the studies / evidence on second-hand smoke's impact on health. Then they will have to call researchers and medical professionals idiots as well.

yep I can ask something and get screamed at-and my brother asks the very same thing and gets what he needs
I dont like my family and am stuck with these ass holes for at least another year or two

Sometimes a picture is worth 1000 words. Besides:
First priority: Providing the children with a smoke-free environment.
Second priority: Spending time with the kinfolk.
Third priority: Convincing anyone of anything.
Probably some people's opinions will be changed and other's will not.

Also, this is one of those things that I'm half kidding about, but only half. It's a reflection of my obscure sense of humor. The new Norman Rockwell.

If you can convince them of the harm of second-hand smoke, you're taking care of priorities one and two at the same time. You are taking care of the kids, and making it easier to spend time with the extended family.

Will it work? Maybe not. Assuming it won't work successfully enough doesn't help anything.

They way my family thinks, and my mother admitted this recently, is "yes, I know this stuff happens, but I didn't think it would happen to me". They know smoking can be harmful, but yet they think they'll escape it if they don't acknowledge it. They know smoking can be harmful to children, but they justify it by ignoring the possibility. It's like a toddler covering their eyes when scared, the if I don't see it, it isn't there mentality. All those respiratory infections are from something else.

I agree with the comment regarding how much they care (or don't). We have been having our own little holiday here. Few come. My sister, who they also consider "odd" in my grandmother's words. I suspect she's an aspie too, but we don't know. But she shows up. And we like her. And my dad, he comes out too. Of course no one smokes in here, or even while they're here at all for that matter. My mother in particular does not want the kids knowing she smokes and was quite pissed when I had to tell my daughter why she couldn't go to grandma and papa's house.