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What I really don't understand is, what do you WANT? And what do you expect to be the result of the choices you've made and the way you have treated me? Are you satisfied with the way things stand between us?

Specifically, what did you want to accomplish by having one person after another come tell me about the horrible things you were saying about me behind my back?

Did you want to end any friendship I might have with ANY person who knows you, regardless of whether you even like that person or not? Because that's how it is now. I feel terrified to talk to anyone who knows you at all, because I dread inevitably hearing them say flippantly "oh by the way" followed by telling me something devastatingly ugly and hateful that you said about me.

Did you want to hurt me? Do you understand that I spent literally the first 5-6 months crying every single day and barely sleeping at night. I didn't even have a period for about 5 months straight, which has never happened before or since. Does that give you an idea of how much this situation impacted my health?

I mean, let's get this straight...if you wanted me to hurt or suffer, it has LONG since been accomplished. I don't even want to give you the satisfaction of knowing how bad it got. Let's just say, you got your pound of flesh, and then some. So what more do you want? Do you want to just keep rubbing it in my face? Rubbing salt in the wound? WHAT DO YOU WANT HERE?

And oh yeah...is this funny to you? Are you laughing? Do you find this entertaining?

I really don't know what to think. I want to always see and believe the best in you, but you see when I did that before it really seemed to make things worse. It seemed like it made you lose all respect for me, and it only made it that much harder to hear about what you were doing. It was like you had turned into a totally different person overnight. I just wanted to TALK to you. What was so horrible about that? You made a complete fool of me for it. I really don't understand why you turned against me the way you did. I just couldn't believe it at first. Really not until J told me. The others were just busybodies, but he was a real friend. I guess he just wanted me to know the truth. I respected that. I just don't think he understood how devastating it was. It felt like the end of everything. I still can't reconcile the you who trashed me and insulted me, with the one who was so kind and loving. These must be two totally different people. But they are both you. That is the most crazy making thing ever. For f***s sake, I have a hard enough time reading people who act normal, much less deciphering this s**t. Then you told people I was crazy, and it sure looked like it didn't it? So these asshats all treated me like I was delusional. They assumed you must have been mean and abusive to me all along and I was too stupid to realize it. Or else they acted like I must have practically imagined the whole relationship. They never saw the side of you that might have actually cared something about me. To this day you keep tight control over it. You never reveal anything, and you never risk anything. Everything you do has plausible deniability. And you're still showing me that being part of that group matters more to you than anything we ever had together, like you just can't stop rubbing it in my face. Really, I get it, and enough is enough already. So it's hard for me to see how anything good could come out of this for me.

tim,

people's friend died. they were there. you can't expect them not to talk about it. you lack people skills. you should be looking for a different job.

sincerely,

miss officious

And that comment about the video...wow. If you heart was not stirred more by what I felt for you, and what I went through for you...wow...what a heartless comment to make.

http://www.lilithgallery.com/library/th ... ilith.html

It's a pity that those pickled squids are dyed with food color.

Would like nothing more than to do just that.

One day, I can be what I always told myself I was.

I'm not sure if you remember me from when we met over a year ago, I don't think you do, but I've seen the hard time(s) that you're going through in your Twitter tweets or your Tumblr blogs and I want you to know that I'm there for you, praying everyday non-stop that your problems will be rectified swiftly. I've always been there for you and will continue to be there for you. Until we meet again (hopefully under better circumstances).

Hey, I saw you look around in our class with a teacher today, you looked really pretty and I heard in the conversation that you live in the same village as me, that's cool! I hope that you had a fun time at our college and apply here, would be fun to see you here.

Or maybe I'll see you in the village some time.

Heheheheh, I needed to get this off my chest.

I kind of hope you "get" this in like a, my brain sending a message to your brain, kind of way.

You have something special. Don't let anyone or anything make you doubt that. It's not dumb, or weird, it's beautiful and precious.

Psst... you're adorable. Really.

Good bye.

I can't believe someone health-conscious like you can be so fat. Something must be very wrong with your body. You should see a doctor about it.

You're still making fun of accents after all those years. I also didn't like the way you dissed my preferred gender (male), saying that men have no clue this afternoon, when Dad wouldn't close the side door. If you knew that I'd like a sex change, you wouldn't have done that.