I really don't know what to think. I want to always see and believe the best in you, but you see when I did that before it really seemed to make things worse. It seemed like it made you lose all respect for me, and it only made it that much harder to hear about what you were doing. It was like you had turned into a totally different person overnight. I just wanted to TALK to you. What was so horrible about that? You made a complete fool of me for it. I really don't understand why you turned against me the way you did. I just couldn't believe it at first. Really not until J told me. The others were just busybodies, but he was a real friend. I guess he just wanted me to know the truth. I respected that. I just don't think he understood how devastating it was. It felt like the end of everything. I still can't reconcile the you who trashed me and insulted me, with the one who was so kind and loving. These must be two totally different people. But they are both you. That is the most crazy making thing ever. For f***s sake, I have a hard enough time reading people who act normal, much less deciphering this s**t. Then you told people I was crazy, and it sure looked like it didn't it? So these asshats all treated me like I was delusional. They assumed you must have been mean and abusive to me all along and I was too stupid to realize it. Or else they acted like I must have practically imagined the whole relationship. They never saw the side of you that might have actually cared something about me. To this day you keep tight control over it. You never reveal anything, and you never risk anything. Everything you do has plausible deniability. And you're still showing me that being part of that group matters more to you than anything we ever had together, like you just can't stop rubbing it in my face. Really, I get it, and enough is enough already. So it's hard for me to see how anything good could come out of this for me.