What's on your mind right now?

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i don't know if i am even posting in the right place. what is on my mind right now is i am now over 50 years old, alone, and have not worked in seven years. Being alone really doesn't bother me. i never get lonely which makes me weird even around other people on the spectrum. i am currently training as a retail merchandiser and i disclosed the disability and they are trying to convert the training into more of an accommodation but i fear i can't stop saying and doing inappropriate things. instead of meeting with the trainer, she got material for me to take home and study but every time i try to absorb the information my mind just freezes and asks 'do you know what you are reading?' 'are you really learning?' 'Are you retaining this?' every millisecond. i just want to relax and not ruin this wonderful opportunity but the women around my age i have had to meet with are normal with families and grandkids and they raised their children and are working like professionals. this is a wonderful opportunity and i pray for it to work out but i still sense that 'ew' like of reaction like when i was a kid in school. i don't want to ruin this but i have already done strange things and now i'm having trouble focusing on what could be a stupendous opportunity, especially at my age, to have some kind of normal employment for a wonderful company but i am afraid i am out of control if it gets ruined. i know there is a lot of political correctness out there but i am praying so much for God to please guide and help me. i don't want to alienate people. nobody likes the weirdo. God help me. I need this job. My rent went up and I have no where to go so i need this supplement. I really wish I had been working full time all these years but i had an outburst on a voicemail at work about all the noises in the workplace of people hacking up and spitting, coughing and sneezing on me. i don't want everyone to hate me. there have been kind people who truly did not hate me.

It's frustrating to not always understand innuendos and when around someone spouting sarcasm and all kinds of inuendos I can feel silly just nodding and/or smiling like I understand everything and it's so funny, ha, ha.

I have 14 months, approx.

No radioprotective drugs will be offered.
Then there is Avastin, but it costs $12,000.

How I can be a 'better' person.

What should I do next week?

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The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish.

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."

nothing grosses me out more than seeing religious peoples ugly faces

Feeling yucky.

Any decent idea to get in her pant(ie)s - If she gives it a go - that doesn't involve (too much) small talk.

Sleep.