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the thing about suicides, is that they don't know how to live with what they have.

Hahahh i quit both of my jobs with that mindset

Snow day!!

Solar Day

A bizarre combination of being nonplussed, underwhelmed and terrified: the idea of interacting with white women attractive or not..in my own age group.

White women scare me too
but only bcuz so many white girls bullied me n then recently my sons therapist (not working with him anymore) who looked like a normal slim pretty white lady abused him extremely which i got to know aboyt frm his babysitter

Growing up , my mom was treated extremely repugnantly by a frightening white lady — regularly mistreated n yelled at my mom —

When i and another ‘ethnic’ girl , were being bullied by the aforementioned girls sometimes their moms n my (white female) teacher wd see it n say nothing OR encourage it (in the case of one girl Tiffany’s mom)


N my ex law clerk who lied about/slandered me knowing i was in a terrible position, and had actually behaved the way she said i had behaved
Then lied ABOUT me to me when i wrote a letter apologizing anyway (which was stupid)

She was also a white woman

And several other bad encounters even fleeting ones

So combined with my childhood memories n now,
yes, I find them scary but I know it is irrational as a few bad experiences don’t define a whole group

I think what i find scary is that because they are not only socially esteemed, but also being WOMEN they can (if they are inclined to be cruel) make up stuff but portray themselves as victims easily
N be believed


I mean they have that whole thing perfectly mastered the way they do it
So i always get a bit frightened meeting a female who is white as I had such experiences so many times

Although i had good or ordinary experiences too but bad things stand out as one is on guard anticipating the worst

I think women in general can be frightening because of the possibility of manipulating or being two-faced n bullying, yet able to maintain a facade of being caring / victim

I envy women

That’s why the internet is gd because one is responding to written words not necessarily knowing whay the other person looks like
Or even what gender they are

So any presumptions and preconceptions and projected paranoia can be discarded

You envy neurotypical women. Lol

I envy femme fatales.

Like Jessica Rabbit

But that is a cartoon character not a real person

Here's some live action femme fatale characters

Mrs. Lovett from Sweeney Todd



Tiffany from Bride of Chucky

Warning: Scene of Violence



Alotta Fagina from Austin Powers



Debbie from Addams Family Values



And this is a video game but Ada Wong from Resident Evil 4 is pure femme fatale

So you don’t necessaRily envy women, you envy a fictional character typs! Lol

Lol I guess.

There are real life examples of femme fatales though, like Judy Buenoano



And convicted WW1 spy Mata Hari.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mata_Hari

Another interesting real life one was Josephine Gray. She was the "Voodoo Queen" and a black widow killer just like Judy. Everybody was afraid of her because she claimed to have dark voodoo powers.