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I am on my way to a social event right now.

I have a midterm tomorrow. I havent paid much attention in class, i dont know the material, its our first test in that class and worth a big part of our grade, and yet despite really caring about my gpa, i havent studied an inch and i seriously cant bring myself to star or care. wtf grace

i knew a tv repairman who accidentally did that and it knocked him across the room.

My brother used to work as an electrician. One of the last jobs he did was to wire up windmills. (The 130ft tall ones. He said some stories about wiring them!) Now they were given (Or had to buy?) new tools specifically foe the job. All screwdrivers were heavily insulated etc.
Well. While wiring one windmill he accidently let the tip of the screwdriver touch two terminals at once and the metal from the screwdriver vanished. All he ended up holding was the insulation!

The house is quiet.

My mind is now the most unreliable thing I have now, despite how much it served me in previous years of my life.

It's supposedly a tool that would aid me interact around but...
It's misshaped, mismanaged since late childhood... Yeah, I had been aware of making a mental AI just to compromise and compensate in-between internal and external. Only to find out the AI is also made by a higher AI and wanted something else you see?

And you know what? I made a damn virus out of these AIs, whose job got out of hand. Now I would have to fix it from keep taking over the driver's seat.


What the heck do I mean by AI? And there were 2 AIs? Yes.
There are two AIs -- one AI is the authentic ego, one who's the brain and the body, it's mainly THE one that holds the Autistic Core along with other things like knowledge, experiences, upbringing, heritages...
The other AI is made by the authentic ego, it comprises a compromise between the idea of ideal self and the socially appropriate reasoning. Things that the authentic ego 'wants' and the 'attempted representations' to get by.


The latter is easy to drop. I can always choose to. It's a simple program though. Several female maskers have this type of 'AI' got out of hand, because the authentic ego runs on fear and this AI embedded too deep.

But the former is hundred times tougher and million times complex. Yet it is necessary so it cannot be eradicated until death.
Yet it can change -- and changing it is harder than merely getting a habit and condition it for rewards because autism reacts differently.
Mine happened to be blunted. I 'forgot' how to be 'manual' in a more different way, the predictive systems is the worst culprit -- as it is over reactive.


I do think that the predictive system in one's personal AI is the very culprit of most mind's rigidity.
It's a very powerful tool that can be run on reward and punishment systems. It generates theory of mind, it fits very well with rational thinking, it can aid grow common sense.
Yet it gets out of hand rather quickly if it's too rigid or too loosely.
It's possibly the root of closed mindedness hand in hand with seperation if it's rigid.
It's the very culprit why NTs don't bother to understand NDs, or that certain cultures thinks other cultures are wrong.
This is also possibly the culprit for many mental heath issues. It's the enabler of fear, shame and guilt.



Yes, another nonsensical stuff.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I thought of going to a movie theater near my house to see Joker for its Thursday preview, but have decided against it, so I will try again either tomorrow or Sunday.

I was floored to find out Joker is really Bruce Wayne's father. Talk about a twist ending!

Okay so .. saw someone wrote their house is quiet . ,mine too am noticing , but neighborhood , this street has gotten edgy . Unfamiliar car to the street parked just outside my house just in the shaded part , where the streetlight doesnt , shine .place where nobody here parks at , never got outta the car, its been 3/4 hour now . Been stalked here before (ongoing)from neighbor older lady whom had her stepson hang out outside my bedroom window, and another friend of his regularily ,where this car is now. After i witnessed a killing in her backyard and told police .
Oddly enough this is suppose to be a middle class area .She has many relatives she has corrupted and ended up in prison, the stepson is a ex-con. She has told people it us ok to go through neighbors backyards , to get to her property from behind. They have torn holes in my fence cut wire and things disappear here . From behind her house police cannot see them enter her home .Only once break in ever here, at this house . Used to be friends with her for many years till i realized, i was being gaslighted by her too. And her crew. Found people walking around outside my house appearing to be checking windows ,(a younger woman) seriously was surprised by this , did not ever know her or of her . But watched her disappear into the backyard, after she left ,where , had seen the killing. Many months back now. The same House of older lady , and observed appearances of meth dealings, judging by cars stopping momentarily people run out and then get right back in after interacting with person from the house.at any and all hours.
Wish the police would hurry up and come.

I live in a weird city.

Portland is one dystopic city.