Got Anything Random To Say

Post Reply New Topic

LOL

Taupey

Trying to look happy for an hour gave me a headache.

I'm going to have an early night, tonight. That undercooked meatloaf has really done a number on me.

i just used the word "repetition" to make up another one of my pointless "proverbs". i did not read why you wrote it and i did not read the post before it.
it was an isolated and senseless and random utterance.
i should have realized that it may sound as if i was addressing you.
i was too tired.

That meatloaf sounds awful. I hope you have a good nights rest.

Well, looks like i will live, for a while it looked like i wouldn't.

Things started going bad on feb. 25. I felt a tension in the skin around my eyes. Then the next day i felt like areas of my brain were about to shut down. I couldn't focus my eyes to read. I would lose balance while walking. My jaw was shaking on its own. There was a line of pain on the surface of my brain from the top of my forehead to the back of my head. I almost pass out a couple of times. I left work after just one hour. I spent the day walking the streets aimlessly. Saturday was the same and sunday night was the worst part, my brain was shutting down and i was fighting to keep it functioning. I lost some motion control on the left side of my body, mainly hand, foot and eye. My memory is very poor, i forget words while talking. I get weird smells at random times. By mid march i lost motion control on the thumbs of both hands, they shake like crazy whenever i want to push a button on my cellphone and then my brain hurts. I became very sensitive to motion sickness. Putting my hands on my head seems to calm me down a bit. Lately, when i think too much it is the lower back area of my brain that hurts, or i feel like my brain is boiling. Sometimes when i think i also get dots of pain on the skin of my head. Any sort of analytical thoughts give me that feeling like my brain will shut down. Interestingly, romantic daydreams don't hurt at all, i can have them all day with no damage. I am guessing that night dreams are harmless as well. Logical thoughts bring up symptoms almost immediately, reading too. Every idea i have feels like a wound opening in my brain, right side.

I spent more than a month feeling very ill and not doing much at work or at home. Weekends lying in bed. Since feb. 26 morning i started aiming for mental silence to fix myself but the effort was only burdening my brain further. I realized later that mental silence was a long term solution to the problem, what about the short term? Cutting off my ideas while i was having them resulted in my brain working harder to come up with new ideas to fill the silence. And the changes required for me to stop making discoveries are more than i thought. I have build up many habits that reinforce it. My eyes always move from place to place looking for something to analyze. Everything i do is done in a special way to cause me thoughts. I took off my glasses permanently. That is helping me not to read, which helps me not to learn anything, rest my brain. After my lightbulb moments stopped i started sleeping one hour less. This was a very sudden change. Also the white around my eyes became noticeably whiter, it used to be yellowish with red lines. This i noticed before taking off my glasses. I'm not even listening to the radio anymore, i'm on a no-input policy, i don't want my brain to do anything for a while, especially learning. I have also decided to keep my hands as far away from my brain as possible at all times. Gotta take advantage of my own research .

And so, the stream of discoveries stopped. I still made a few discoveries the first weeks, it's sad to waste ideas but i had to do it to save my life. I only made like 5 discoveries in march. As i fought against it, it became clear to me how my discovery mechanism was working. What happened is that i trained my brain to storm all it's records looking for patterns related to a concept currently in my mind. So, if i saw a bird getting away from me, my brain would initiate a storm of activity, desperately searching my memory for things that run away from other things, and everytime something was found it was compared to my current observation and an attempt was made to extract a pattern from it, to discover a common behavior, a lightbulb moment. The search would carry on for one second if nothing was found. This whole thing was happening outside of my consciousness, i didn't will it or feel it, it was something my brain learned to do on it's own as my research progressed.

It goes back to my january 15, 2008 realization that i had found the cure, i had nine months of blissful happiness after that, an all-day lasting smile on my face everyday, the most complete happiness a human can know. But it had to end. I remember i had that "now what?" feeling, what do you do with the rest of your life after finding a cure. Nine months later it started fading away and i found myself owner of a wealth of information that no human ever had access to before. So i started putting the facts together and discoveries started happening. The first major one was on halloween when i came up with control theory, which is now proven wrong by the way. Then a few days later the lightbulb moment that spawned heat theory and it all went "downhill" from there. So i will rectify:

RIP Mah research
October 31, 2008 - February 25, 2010.

Anyways, what happened to me was that i was having like hundreds of those storms inside my head everyday and it finally damaged my brain. The rate of discoveries per day increased very slowly but the rate of storms per day jumped up one week earlier, when i entered quantum psychology research. It changes everything, so i had a lot of things to reconsider. And i couldn't take it.

A man can discover something so big that his brain, bound to the limits of biology, won't be able to handle it and he'll go crazy or die. I know that now. Luckily i spent the last four years researching neurology and i was able to detect the problem quickly and heal myself.

Early april i noticed i'm going bald. Under organic physics it is clear that baldness is caused by thoughts so i'm avoiding them. My fight against thoughts to stop baldness is so fierce that i am now resting my brain more than necessary to recover. My neurological breakdown is surely over. Was there permanent damage? I don't know. The brain has ways to disguise its issues.

I'd like to close with a quote from World of Warcraft:

"Archmage Alvareux once wrote a treatise exploring a fascinating theory. He proposed the existence of an exact copy of Karazhan in a world other than our own and that both somehow shared the same space.

He went mad soon after. A real pity."

PS: My second book will be based on this post and i'm not going to name it Phantoms anymore, i decided to call it what it is

fernando - you really, REALLY need to see a doctor. What you're experiencing isn't healthy or normal AT ALL.

Hello World!

Good morning Taupey



Actually, I'm ready for my second cup of coffee. I had time to sleep longer, but disrupting my routine disrupts my routine.

Good Morning Aimless!
I love your yawning smiley, it's adorable. I'm trying to get back on a schedule again. I'm happier and more efficient/productive. I also sleep better when its time to go to bed.

Good morning.

Thanks for explaining, I appreciate it.

I'll explain too: my mind is stitching itself together in a new way in preparation for a new era and it makes for very hectic times inside me. And it's lovely.

Off to do errands now.

My cat woke me up just to open the window.