Your Favourite Simpsons Quotes

Post Reply New Topic

Save me Jebus!!

(Homer`s cry for help when he gets into deep
trouble, he never seem to get that one right)

Homer:

Alright brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets
just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Mayor Quimby: Yes there is a comet and yes it is heading for our town. (Scattered clapping) You uh, don't need to applaud that

------------------------------------------------

Burns: Smithers, I've been thinking. Is it wrong to cheat to win a million-dollar bet?
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Burns: Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if I cheat to win a million-dollar bet?
Smithers: No, sir. Who would you like killed?

Lisa: "Dad, how can you work for a man like Mr. Burns?"
Homer: "Well, he's not all bad. He did send me this nice 'Thank You' card."
Lisa: "'Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie.' Dad, this doesn't have your name on it."
Homer: "...Kids, would you step outside for a second? ... F-[Organ chord]-! !"

Mr. Burns' investment portfolio includes:

Long-defunct shares in "Confederated Slaveholdings, Transatlantic Zeppelin, Amalgamated Spats, Congreve's Inflammable Powder, U.S. Hay", and an "up-and-coming Baltimore Opera Hat Company".

Homer: "God, what's the meaning of life?"
God: "Homer, I can't tell you that! But you die in six months and find out then."
Homer: "I can't wait that long, tell me now!"
God:"All right Homer, it's ..."

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.


go to thesimpsonsquotes.com for more.

^

""Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal""




i love that one

Speaking of lie detectors...

"Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?"
"No!" *buzz* "All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him." *ding*
"Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go."
"Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight." *buzz* "A date." *buzz* "Dinner with friends." *buzz* "Dinner alone." *buzz* "Watching TV alone." *buzz* "All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog." *buzz* "Sears catalog." *ding* "Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!" *buzz*

^



(lisa and bart are fighting)
Marge: Stop it, stop it, stop it!
[flicks light on and off]
Bart: Mom, that is really annoying.
Lisa: Bart started it.
Bart: Uh uh, Lisa started it.
Marge: I don't care who started it. I don't ever want to see you two fighting like that ever again. We love you both: you're not in competition with each other. Repeat: you are not in competition with each other.

Homer: Hey! Apu just called. This Friday, Lisa's team is playing Bart's team. You're in direct competition. And don't go easy on each other just because you're brother and sister. I want to see you both fighting for your parents' love!
[flicks light on and off]
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!...

Homer: "Twenty dollars? Oh, I wanted a peanut!"
Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!"
Homer: "What?! Explain how!"
Brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services."
Homer: "Woo-hoo!"

Homer to Bart:

Stealing? How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives
those sermons at church? Captain What’s-his-name? We live in a society of laws.
Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well,
I didn’t hear anybody laughin’, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects.

Where was I? Oh yeah -- stay out of my booze!

Smithers:

I think women and seamen don't mix

----------------------------------------------

Homer:

uuh, i dont feel so good.. okay, retrace your steps.
I woke up, fought with Marge, ate Guatemalan
insanity peppers, then I... Oh...

Coyote: Fear not, Homer. I am your spirit guide.
Homer: [warily] Hiya.
Coyote: There is a lesson you must learn.
Homer: If it's about laying off the insanity peppers, I'm way ahead of you

"I think I brain my dammage"