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I can’t find my penguin!

If you cauterize that ointment with Aunt Claudia’s broccoli casserole and follow the flatulence to its logical cartography while juggling your earwax, spam and mangos will erupt from my nephew’s upper left Baio brother.

Why can’t I smell my elbows?

I’ve discovered Pluto!

You must stop shouting Down With Nastiness, you’re making yourself over-irrigated and I can taste the mustard your brother-in-law spilled on his pedal-pushers.

This nacho cheese has no linoleum.

Why do all my staplers vote for Albanians?

I think rutabegas make excellent recreational vehicles, not to mention party favors.

Can Malibu Barbie get a part in the next Sharon Osbourne docu-drama bout left-handed Ukranian mambo enthusiasts who find themselves suddenly expurgated in coleslaw?

Paraguay!

My mother can beat up twenty-six of your fastest non-alcoholic tricycle wheels with one spatula tied behind her esophagus.

If your pinecone sugarloaf threatens my Parcheesi one more time I’ll never stop articulating triumphant etudes on your camel’s googelplex.

Ick! Vomitous masses yearning to congratulate each other’s uvulas!

This chunky peanut butter isn’t nearly chunky enough!

It's the great Pacific garbage patch, Charlie Brown!

Will someone scratch my squirrel?

Juggling hamsters reverses tooth decay in laboratory earmuffs.

I invited the Schwarzeneggers, but they brought Hawaiian Punch without marshmallows so I made them stand in the phone booth up to their knees in lime jello until one of them could properly whistle the Belgian national anthem without masticating.

Nitwits are sandblasting my pajamas!

Can’t you see I need oatmeal?

What is the point of vanilla cough syrup, in today’s recidivist economy?

Or meat?

I think I swallowed my face.

A shoeless man with no money wants to buy my motorcycle.

You got eggshells in my strawberry quick!

My igloo isn’t broadband compatible!

Where did you put my toejam collection?

Try hand towels now and then why don’t you?

I can’t believe Cousin McQuigley got expunged for fondling eggplants!

This silly putty isn’t nearly silly enough!

I want everyone on the left side of the room to stay on the left side of the room. Now!

Do you think these pants make my cat look mentally-challenged?

Circuitous meatloaf,

I can really taste the Chutney!

Ow! My spork!

........... On a very slightly less random note, I have delicious vegetarian burgers in my freezer. They are good. I will likely have some tomorrow.

You really got me.

My birthday is one week from this Tuesday.

My sister's birthday is one week from today.

Asperger's is contagious.

I'll be staying up, until 12, tonight.

Anyone for Pimms?

WP people are the cream of the crop.

I didn't eat any of my tasty veggie burgers. .__.

I think that I can make it, until 12. I'm waiting for it to cool down, and than I'm going to do some quite chores, such as the bathroom and mopping. If it doesn't cool off, by 9:30, I'll get those chores done, early tomorrow morning.

Forgive me for boasting about my looks. I've spiked up my hair and hid my lips, for nearly three years. I've almost forgot what I looked like, until the day that I quit doing those two things.

Good night...sleep tight...don't let the bedbugs bite.

I'm enjoying the hunting of bugs. I'm so desperate.

I saw a dead bunny on the road again. It deserved a bullet in the head and to be made a meal, not killed for indifference.

http://www.news.com.au/weird-true-freak ... 5868481622

Be your own best friend.