Wanted:
Someone to be me. Must start immediately. Duties include getting out of bed, looking and / or being responsible, coherent communication using Verbal Dialogue 4.2 or greater, miscellaneous acts of adulthood, and giving an appropriate amount of damn about the correct things at the correct time.
Light cooking or cleaning as needed, using minimal electricity but maximum executive function.
Paperwork and filing skills would be an asset, as would precision at completing mundane tasks started between 1992 and yesterday.
Preference is given to applicants more useful than tits on a bull, with at least three years of farm and / or circus experience, an ability to send smoke signals, a current or recently expired driving licence, knowledge of witchcraft, completion of at least one “starter relationship”, and socially-appropriate facial expressions of any sort.
Car and headphones to be provided.
Attire:
Pyjamas and bare feet indoors.
Boho chic outdoors.
Music:
See music posts on this site.
Pay is negotiable.
This is a permanent position.
You’ll be expected to work independently with no supervision, because the real me will be gone.
Benefits to be determined by a retired man because I don’t understand them myself, and they change frequently.
Apply within.
_________________
I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles