What's on your mind right now?

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Thanks Brother Kazan. After The Rump was elected, I was surprised by how much media attention people who want Jefferson to become a dream fulfilled in Southern Oregon and Northern California got.

Everyone here is in college it seems like.

I wish my anxiety allowed for me to attend college again

Not lacking in resources but the thought terrifies me.

^ You must have a fair few credits already, how many would you need to finish?
I don't know how it works in the US, is there any chance you could study from home, or study with very limited presence on campus?

I'm thinking some concessions could be made for autism/anxiety, since both are well supported by medical documentation and personal history. I would be f****d if it weren't for home study , in fact before I knew it was an option I was pretty set on just dying. Curiously telling that to my doctor/uni/therapist seemed to help my case...

I am anxious about my residential school in February, it's the first time in a long time where I'll have to interact with fellow students. But we have to believe we can do it, right? lol, I am saying that with more desperation than conviction .

Just made myself some deviled eggs for tomorrow morning

It felt good, I enjoy cooking.

Ironically enough, I am quite happy doing a number of things alone but as soon as socialize, its like trying to play Doom on Nightmare.

I'm pleased with the changes I've made this year. I've overheard my my mum tell my dad that I've been through a lot of changes this year. My dad mentioned the change in the way that I am about food. My mum mentioned that she asked me if I wanted cheesies and I told her no. I think it's good that my parents are talking about it instead of my mum pointing the finger at me.

I (think) I feel a little anxious because I saw the last episode of "Braking Bad" yesterday, after binge watching about 11 episodes. The characteres in the series has been a part of my life every day for some days, and now they are suddenly gone. I think how the characteres are made both good and evil in such a extreme way (at least some of them) is conflicting to me. I have a natural desire to put each individual in a category, either they are good, or they are bad. Instead I feel conflicted, which probably is a good thing, but it is also unsettling.

I'm no longer my mother's special interest. I've been dropped suddenly. She doesn't answer 95% of calls I make to her, she never calls me back. She will call my nan, who lives in the same house, before she calls me.

I've called my mother during the day, for her to ignore all attempts at communication...whether that be via phone or texts, or e-mails, only for her to call my nan later as if nothing happened. She doesn't call me for a fortnight at a time, if not longer. I've been completely replaced by my sister's kids. My mother hates me. She wants nothing to do with me.

I'm going to kill myself. I mean it.

I just finished presenting my film scene in media, and I am relieved and happy. There were some moments that need improving, but I think that it all went smoothly and that it was a success. I wonder what is going to happen next....

Oh, and I need to get more sleep ASAP. I have been up since 3 because I could not get back to sleep due to issues with sleeping, and I am having trouble staying awake. It will all be over soon....

Nothing, really.

Not much.

Not really sure, you tell me

Looks like F.3.A.R, I liked F.3.A.R lol

I don't know why it can't be F.E.A.R 3 like a normal title.

I actually thought all the F.E.A.R games were okay for what they were but F.3.A.R left much to be desired like its title.

Yes, it's Fear 3, I've never played the game myself rather watched playthroughs of it.

Its more of a co-op game so I can't really play it that much because of social issues, I have always preferred single player and I got into online gaming a bit but I just burnt all those bridges and would rather be left alone. That is why I haven't logged into steam's social side since forever and ignore people on there. The thought of online game is also a terrifying social venture, I think the reason I prefer single player is I was introduced to gaming largely on a GameBoy Color and that obviously isn't rocking a 56k modem.

I don't want someone yelling in my ear what a loser I am while I try to explore something lol

Oh I did get a hold of 13 year old on Doom though, that was actually more entertaining then the game

I think people who like heavier songs should listen to Five Finger Death Punch's Menace if they can find it, its amazing but its also no where to be found cause of evil copyright nazis. They removed it from youtube and their live version sucks, its on Amazon if you have Prime though.