"Adventures In Failure” by MC 900 Foot Jesus
(no one can do it better)
Damn…I hate this job
To work in this dump, you gotta be a snob
Everybody gets on my nerves in this place
I think I’ll take the afternoon off from the rat race
An exciting career
Don’t amount to much, but a pain in the rear
I bust my ass all day for a dollar
And then I go home and listen to the kids holler
Devoted spouse, waiting in the den
Wants to hit me upside the head with a rolling pin
(ahhhh-ah-ha-ha-ha)
Does that ring a bell?
A daily routine we all know well
I’m making more, but enjoying it less
The good life’s mainly causing me stress
Making a change is difficult, but…
I gotta try to get out of this rut
But fear seems to be holding me back
Courage is a principle trait I lack
I gotta calm my nerves so I can think
I pour myself a nice stiff drink
And another, this is my usual mode
One for the money and ten for the road
Ahhh…now everything is clear
I gotta get the hell out of here
Yes now, my mission is plain
A Big Mac is calling my name
I gotta sample some of Ronald’s cooking
So I raid my wife’s purse, when she’s not looking
Pondering the wonderful thing called marriage
I accidentally wrapped the car into a baby carriage
Excuse me mam, I’d love to stay and chat
But watch where you’re going next time, you old bat
I hit the gas and zoom down the block
Leave her in the dust, yelling for the cops
Swerving ‘round the corner, trying to steer
I get so excited, I almost spill my beer
A neighborhood dog is yapping at my bumper
So I slam on the breaks and I hear a big thump
I jump the curb and land up on the lawn
Then I finish my beer and turn the radio on
Some idiot’s going on about rehab
I grab a brew and yank on the pull-tab
Here comes a little old lady with a shotgun
I put the peddle to the metal and she runs
Digging on my off-road driving power
I do a doughnut in a bed of flowers
Then I jerk the wheel a little too hard
The car rolls over and over on out of the yard
(causing much destruction)
(act the fool)
I come to rest in the middle of the street
A bunch of empty beer cans rattling at my feet
Staring in the window is a nosey little brat
I look him in the eyes and say, “I meant to do that!”
Then I notice my watch says…I’m overdue
For my big appointment at the local drive-thru
I do a number on the accelerator
And I’m cutting in line about thirty seconds later
What do you think this is, some kind of joke?
Give me ten Big Macs and a small diet Coke
I pull up to the window with my radio playing
I grab the bag and leave, without paying
I weave down the road for a block
Juggling a beer and a Styrofoam box
Pull into a parking lot and kill the motor
And presently I notice a peculiar odor
A little black smoke is rising from the hood
Somethin’s gonna happen and it’s probably not good
I open the door and grab my stuff and go
Just in time to watch the whole thing blow
The car explodes with a bang and a hiss
Oh boy, my wife is going really like this
I can’t believe this is happening to me
This piece of junk’s going back to the factory
This was a blatant attempt on my life
Everyone will fall for that, except my wife
But wait, a plan begins to emerge
I suddenly have an overwhelming urge
To spend the night in the great outdoors
My suburban lifestyle has become a bore
I blow me a fire and finish my burgers
What my wife don’t know won’t hurt her
I leave the scene of the unhappy event
Resolved to make the most of my predicament
A few yards away, I feel better
I know, I’ll write her a letter
Or better yet, a ransom demand
Got your husband, send the money - understand?
Or else we’ll send his head home in a jar
PS…sorry ‘bout the car
Yeah, now that ought to really do the trick
I’ll be getting off the hook and she’ll be worried sick
But really, I’m gonna make it up to you honey
I’ll buy you a new car with your own damn money
I walk awhile into the sunset
A man, at peace with the world…you bet
Nothing can diminish my total enjoyment
Except when I pass my place of employment
Damn…I hate this job
To work in this dump, you gotta be a snob
Everybody gets on my nerves in this place
I think I’ll take the afternoon off from the rat race
(hard like a criminal)
_________________
I won?t tell anyone else how to be
You can be yourself, but just let me be me
17 Sep 2008, 10:38 am
- Supa Sayed -
No idea what she's singing though.
