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ASPartOfMe
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13 Jul 2023, 10:25 am

If you have been bullied and taken advantage of your whole life you start assuming nefarious motivations.


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IsabellaLinton
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13 Jul 2023, 11:20 am

nick007 wrote:
I don't get why sometimes everyone participating in a topical thread is acting civil & then one member suddenly has a meltdown, makes some personal attacks, & accuses this forum of being hostel towards him/her :huh: Talk about projecting & I don't understand why some members just suddenly meltdown like that over seemingly nothing. I guess some people consider all forms of disagreement against them as personal attacks :shrug: This seems to be fairly common on this forum with a minority of members :(


I had a bit of a meltdown a few nights ago. I'm not sure if you're referring to me or not, but I can't think of anyone else.
I didn't accuse the forum of being hostile and even though it may have looked like nothing, it wasn't. Trauma Attacks can seem to be sudden or disproportionate to the trigger, but for many people with CPTSD they've been holding debilitating pain inside for years, to avoid hurting the people who hurt or abused them. In my case I couldn't speak directly to the person because they threatened me years ago and I wasn't allowed to contact them or even report them. Regardless I made sure the rants were deleted and I apologise to anyone who had no idea what was going on. It's ironic those people never apologised and will never apologise to me, but c'est la vie, I suppose.

Peace.


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TwilightPrincess
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13 Jul 2023, 11:30 am

I think that when we see some people behaving out of character it might be a good idea to realize that there could be a reason for it. (I'm not justifying behavior related to the promotion of harmful ideologies.) Even if we can't know the reason, it's better to assume that there is something going on rather than be quick to make a judgment call on a person. Many of us have significant problems and triggers we are dealing with, so understanding and compassion would be helpful.

There's sometimes a backstory we don't know, so apparent issues in a thread may not demonstrate the whole picture.



KitLily
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13 Jul 2023, 11:42 am

^ what TwilightPrincess says is what I was trying to say on my thread here

viewtopic.php?t=414547


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funeralxempire
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13 Jul 2023, 11:43 am

auntblabby wrote:
i don't get why so many newer cars with those garish shiny big wheels and rubber band tires ride stiffly like they have no suspension at all, and why so many people like this state of affairs.


Because most newer cars are better for both compliance and road-handing compared to older ones. They don't need a huge sidewall in order to have compliance.

Platforms have become much, much stiffer than back in the day, by which I mean the structure the suspension is mounted to is much stiffer. Because of this, geometry remains consistent. Because of that, the suspension can be tuned for more compliance because there's less worry about the geometry changing because of chassis deformation.

Newer cars can't count on the sidewalls or chassis to absorb as much shock as in the past, but it barely matters in a practical sense. They'll just install moderately stiff dampers and soft springs because the geometry can be counted on working through it's entire range - the end result is a relatively soft car compared to a few decades ago.

If you want a luxury car that rides like a cloud, look to China because the rest of the world is interested in sports sedans.


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nick007
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14 Jul 2023, 3:40 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I don't get why sometimes everyone participating in a topical thread is acting civil & then one member suddenly has a meltdown, makes some personal attacks, & accuses this forum of being hostel towards him/her :huh: Talk about projecting & I don't understand why some members just suddenly meltdown like that over seemingly nothing. I guess some people consider all forms of disagreement against them as personal attacks :shrug: This seems to be fairly common on this forum with a minority of members :(


I had a bit of a meltdown a few nights ago. I'm not sure if you're referring to me or not, but I can't think of anyone else.
I didn't accuse the forum of being hostile and even though it may have looked like nothing, it wasn't. Trauma Attacks can seem to be sudden or disproportionate to the trigger, but for many people with CPTSD they've been holding debilitating pain inside for years, to avoid hurting the people who hurt or abused them. In my case I couldn't speak directly to the person because they threatened me years ago and I wasn't allowed to contact them or even report them. Regardless I made sure the rants were deleted and I apologise to anyone who had no idea what was going on. It's ironic those people never apologised and will never apologise to me, but c'est la vie, I suppose.

Peace.
It was not you. I missed that & don't know what thread that was even in. I really hope your feeling better now.


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nick007
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14 Jul 2023, 3:45 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I think that when we see some people behaving out of character it might be a good idea to realize that there could be a reason for it. (I'm not justifying behavior related to the promotion of harmful ideologies.) Even if we can't know the reason, it's better to assume that there is something going on rather than be quick to make a judgment call on a person. Many of us have significant problems and triggers we are dealing with, so understanding and compassion would be helpful.

There's sometimes a backstory we don't know, so apparent issues in a thread may not demonstrate the whole picture.
I'm talking about members who have a habit of getting angry & blaming the forum. Not mild-mannered members who had a bad day. Sometimes they're newish members who make a big show about how they are leaving the forum. They want to slam the door as hard as they possibly can on their way out. I probably shouldn't give examples or say much more on this.


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auntblabby
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14 Jul 2023, 4:05 am

funeralxempire wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
i don't get why so many newer cars with those garish shiny big wheels and rubber band tires ride stiffly like they have no suspension at all, and why so many people like this state of affairs.


Because most newer cars are better for both compliance and road-handing compared to older ones. They don't need a huge sidewall in order to have compliance.

Platforms have become much, much stiffer than back in the day, by which I mean the structure the suspension is mounted to is much stiffer. Because of this, geometry remains consistent. Because of that, the suspension can be tuned for more compliance because there's less worry about the geometry changing because of chassis deformation.

Newer cars can't count on the sidewalls or chassis to absorb as much shock as in the past, but it barely matters in a practical sense. They'll just install moderately stiff dampers and soft springs because the geometry can be counted on working through it's entire range - the end result is a relatively soft car compared to a few decades ago.

If you want a luxury car that rides like a cloud, look to China because the rest of the world is interested in sports sedans.

i think people have better, younger, more shock-absorbing spinal and hip joints than this ol' geezer does. i rode in a late model mazda with those rubber band tires [40 series] and big wheels, and i could feel, sharply, every single bump on a highway that felt smooth as glass while riding in a toyota sienna with standard wheels/tires, 65 series rubber.



nick007
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14 Jul 2023, 4:13 am

I don't get why our cat would rather eat her own fur off the floor instead of licking it off herself like cats are suppsed to do.


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IsabellaLinton
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14 Jul 2023, 6:49 am

nick007 wrote:
[It was not you. I missed that & don't know what thread that was even in. I really hope your feeling better now.


Thanks, Nick. :heart:

I thought I had really upset you. Part of my trauma is that I think everything is my fault so this was no exception. It's like the thing I was describing about my relationship in LD where we both keep blaming ourselves. Thanks for your input on that too. Every day things change and your words mean something new to ponder.


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nick007
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14 Jul 2023, 8:16 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
nick007 wrote:
[It was not you. I missed that & don't know what thread that was even in. I really hope your feeling better now.


Thanks, Nick. :heart:

I thought I had really upset you. Part of my trauma is that I think everything is my fault so this was no exception. It's like the thing I was describing about my relationship in LD where we both keep blaming ourselves. Thanks for your input on that too. Every day things change and your words mean something new to ponder.
I don't recall you ever upsetting me. I just remembered I need to check that thread for new replies cuz it's been a while since I checked. I usually leave reply notifications in my email till I read the replies & make a reply if I was planning on it but I've only been getting some reply notifications for a while now(WP glitch) & I've been forgetting to check some threads myself.


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KitLily
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14 Jul 2023, 10:54 am

I don't understand people who make a big show of leaving forums/wherever. If I don't like a place I just slink away quietly :?


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14 Jul 2023, 11:05 am

I think if I did it it would be because I was feeling that I needed to leave for my own good but didn't really want to, if you know what I mean.

If I made an announcement it would be harder for me to come back in a weak moment. I'd feel ridiculous and that might be enough to stop me restarting an old habit.

But generally yeah, I'm a slip out of the side door person.


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KitLily
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14 Jul 2023, 11:09 am

DuckHairback wrote:
I think if I did it it would be because I was feeling that I needed to leave for my own good but didn't really want to, if you know what I mean.

If I made an announcement it would be harder for me to come back in a weak moment. I'd feel ridiculous and that might be enough to stop me restarting an old habit.

But generally yeah, I'm a slip out of the side door person.


I think I've probably made announcements like that in the past but it must have been when I was very new online and not very confident or something, I dunno.


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14 Jul 2023, 11:13 am

I just disappear from forums, sometimes for years. It's not even like I intend to do it. I just forget to come back.


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TwilightPrincess
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14 Jul 2023, 11:16 am

There have been times where I thought I was leaving WP for good. I always did it quietly unless I'm forgetting something.

People often come back to WP even when they make announcements.

Sometimes people make announcements for the attention rather than because they are legitimately planning on leaving, I think.