Why is it rude to ask people their salary?

Post Reply New Topic

Edited to delete double post.

In addition to the workplace stuff people have already mentioned, it's rude because it opens people up to judgment from others that there's no reason for them to have to endure. No matter how much you make, you should be allowed to make choices about how to use what you have, but if that information becomes known by others, judgment is pretty inevitable. For example:

"Would you like to donate $20.00 for cause xyz?"
"Not today."
"Why not?!?! You have more money than you know what to do with, why not help someone else out?!?!"

Or conversely,

"We're taking the kids to Disneyworld this spring!"
"Really?! On what YOU make? Don't you think you'd be better off saving the money for college for them instead of blowing it on overpriced tourist knicknacks?"

People offer hurtful "advice" about money all the time, even if they really mean well. It just saves a lot of grief if what people make is kept private.

You are asking them their real place in the hierarchy.

I think it's because it's a private thing or some people might be ashamed because they get low income or want to be humble because they have a really well paid job. I don't see the big deal though, if I had a job I wouldn't mind telling people how much wages I get if I was asked.

I have no objection to disclosing my pay to the world; it's somewhere between £13k-£14k pa. (I forget exactly; I'd need to find one of my payslips and multiply by twelve.) I most certainly will judge anyone and everyone on the amount they are paid (I pointedly do not say, "the amount they earn" here) and will quite possibly like or dislike people strongly as a result, so I understand fully why some people want to hide it.

However, I must also bear in mind that although I am paid well below the average for the UK, it is still a great deal higher than the world average; if I remember rightly, it's somewhere in the top five percent of world income, which is pretty shocking. Although the cost of living is also high, and although as someone who is low paid I have even less disposable income once the cost of living is deducted, I still have a massive amount of money to spend as I choose.

Many private companies in the USA have non-disclosure agreements as a condition of employment pertaining to salary and compensation for professionals. Disclosing this information could be grounds for termination. Companies have these policies because each person negotiates a compensation package as part of the hiring process. The exception is blue collar or unionized labor where everybody gets the same based on education, experience, and tenure.

Even among government workers there are pay bands and steps so comparable people doing the same work may be receiving different pay. Furthermore, it help to minimize criticisms and complaints from "tax payers" about compensation for government employees.

Apart from the non-disclosure aspect of some contracts as mentioned above,some people would consider it an invasion of their privacy to ask something that isn't considered 'need to know' information in everday conversation.

There are certainly groups where asking is not rude. For example, my husband's grandmother wanted to hear all about our wedding plans, so I sat down with her and began telling her about them. She kept saying things like, "Oh, but that sounds expensive?" or "Isn't that expensive?" or "How much does that cost?" I kept deflecting the questions, and finally she came out with, "How much money do your parents make?" I was shocked, and when I told her, "I don't know how much they make," she was surprised. When I repeated that conversation to my husband, though, he told me that in his family, her question wouldn't be considered at all rude.

Someone earlier mentioned class. My husband comes from a blue-collar background; it's possible that since his grandfather was a union man, he did know how much all his neighbors made. That could mean that salary was less taboo, so he did not raise his children to think of talking about how much money people made as rude. I come from a white-collar background, where salary can vary a great deal depending on career choice. For example my mother, as a teacher, made a modest salary while my father, a lawyer, made much more. I was taught that a person's salary is their own business, not mine. I don't ask other people how much they make and honestly would feel awkward answering that question if asked.

I don't understand it. I don't care how much others earn and even couldn't remember that. I don't judge them by this. I understand there might be times when one looses their job and has to find something quickly and finds something not good enough for their ambitons or education. And if one earns lots of money, then good for them! Maybe they're smart! What is so embarrasing in sharing this?

It's been historically a taboo subject and asking has been seen as rude, forward and trashy. Today it's a lot less so. In a conversation it seems pertinent to ask. I'll frame the question along the lines of "If you don't mind me asking and If you don't want to answer it's understandable ..." and they'll be able to answer or decline without feeling uncomfortable.

I think is very rude to talk about salaries. My parents kept talking about how much each one in the family earned and started making comparisons. I always thought that was very unpleasant. How much you earn is personal and comparing it does not make sense to me because it don´t mean that you´re better or happier than other people. I always felt bad when the conversation went that way because I earned less than other family members. On the other hand, sometimes at college we told each other how much we earned at internships but the wages didn´t vary that much from job to job.

Personal finance tends to be a private thing, as othes have said; and I'd always get the gut feeling there's an ulterior motive in asking someone about their income.

I thought people are 'born' into the hideous 'class system', and that in general the higher your 'class' the more you get, but not always.

In a world of 'class' systems, greed, snobbery and general cruelty and inequality, I guess the one thing you can hold onto is the idea that you're worth every penny and more and more and more ....

It is very rude for someone to ask me how much I make in my job.That's and it is between me,if I were to make less the person will ridicule me.If I told a person I make a good amount of money,he or she will resent or envy me.