Everybody's Worst Jokes?

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What do you call a Boy George in a Sleeping Bag?

A Fruit Roll-Up!

This is absolutely the worst joke I've ever seen, mostly since it is so long and then ending relates to math.

There were three Medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had been fighting over for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.

The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had 5 squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire.

This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor. When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in).

The battle raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms.

I guess this just proves that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

So this pirate walks into a bar, and he says to the bartender, "Gimme a double rum!", and the bartender replies, "Sure, but I've gotta ask you, what's with the steering wheel attached to your crotch?". The pirate looks at him and says, "Arrrr... it be drivin' me nuts!"

Definition of a born loser:

Someone who gets a paper cut from a get well card.

Fox has a new show lined up for next season. It's about this really trendy group of twentysomethings in California who fight over the upkeep and general tidiness of the place they share. It's called "The OCD."

"Knock Knock"
"who's there?"
"Interrupting cow"
"Interru-""MOOOOO"

What do you call the police in Papua New Guinea?

Guinea Pigs

There once was a farmer. One day a vagabond knocked on his door and asked if he could have a glass, an orange and a needle, and if he could spend the night in the farmer’s barn. The farmer pitied him and said that was fine.

A year later the vagabond was back with the exact same request. The farmer was curious but he gave him the glass, orange and needle without comment.

When another year had passed, the vagabond was back, asking for a glass, an orange and a needle, and if he could spend the night in the farmer’s barn. This time the farmer couldn’t hide his curiousity and he asked: ”Excuse me, you have come by three times now with the same request. May I ask what you need these things for?”
The vagabond looked at him for a long time before he replied. ”Well, I could tell you, but you have to promise never to tell another living soul.”
The farmer gave him his promise and the vagabond let him in on his secret.
And the farmer never told anyone.

This one I don't get. May anyone explain it to me?

Boy George is gay.

I know but, as much as I like gay and lesbian humor , it still doesn't tell me anything. I googled "fruit roll-up" because I didn't know this name but I am still not catching on what a kind of sweets can have to do with homosexuals, lol

Yo momma's so old I told her to act her age and she died.

They used to call gays "fruits". And you roll up in a sleeping bag.
Thus, "fruit roll-up".

Thanks Belinda but someone else has already explained it to me I just didn't know this term for a gay man nor what a Fruit Roll-Up was and that's why I didn't understand this joke, lol.

Btw, do you know how to call a lesbian with long sharp fingernails? Single!

Or: Why didn't Wedel have children? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E.Wedel) Because he used to locate his whole business in cocoa! (cocoa like cocoa eye and as for business, while in English this word is used in reference to sex or going to bathroom, in Poland it's one of the words we have for a penis )

I find that funny!


When is a door not a door? when it is ajar.

(hahaha - not.)

Why are there no Punk Accountants? Have you tried stapling a calculator to your eyebrows...

If you work twenty-three hours a day in a shoe factory, and you only get an hour of sleep, you might be a Chinese orphan.

The Japanese are weird, you know? They've got a fetish for just about anything. Navel fetish, schoolgirl fetish, diaper fetish, man juice fetish...