We both know I'm terrible with words compared to you. So I'll just let this song say exactly how I feel.
"The Flame" by Cheap Trick
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obM1XQ93VLo&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]
I've always loved that song, but never knew what it meant... until you left, and now every word makes sense, and every word strikes home with how I feel.
I have no idea why you left. The reasons you gave just didn't make sense... maybe that's why when I replied with reasons that made most claims invalid, you've not said a word. I don't know, maybe you just ignored my responses which seems so unlike you... I just know that I love you too much to just get over you. You were my first love and you will be my last K.
Our most recent memory of your last visit was far too nice... for what you said to make sense. I know I had gotten in the way of your plans, and think that's why you left. The thing is, you never asked if I'd be willing to stay long distance, you just assumed I couldn't handle such a thing. The thing is, I believe I could with how much I love you... I don't want you to feel trapped. That's the most horrible feeling in the world, and knowing that and loving you, I would have gladly accepted such a thing so that you could stay happy and travel. I would have given the space you needed had you told me what you needed instead of expecting me to know. I really don't understand why I wasn't given any warning
. We're both autistic, I thought that was common ground for being open and not just expecting the other to know such things. Our last visit in no way made me think it would be the last.
I really feel like that cliche moment in a movie when a child knows she can't have a specific animal as a pet, and then tells the animal to go away as if she hates it, but with a tear in her eye showing the anger is a lie... and I of course feel like the animal. I just don't get why I feel like that animal, because it just seems there could be a way to stay together and you not be trapped in a single location
.
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七転び八起き