Does it bother you to see your peers with certain things?

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No, not at all.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't. Main questions it sparks, is "what sets me apart from such person(s)," and "have I put forth the same effort, or is there something actually there serving as a stumbling block?"

I wouldn't say that it never bothers me. Sometimes I do feel a little envious of seeing other people my age having an easier time accomplishing things and making it seem so easy to be social.

Not per se. I have a lot of things many don't - I live independently, I drive, and I have kids. But I really have to work hard to maintain these things, it's not easy. And a lot of what other people have - a full time job, a large house, a big social life - I wouldn't want. I've got a hard enough time managing what I have. If I get jealous of anything, it's the way NT people seem to have support systems while I have none. They make friends so easily and I've never been able to do that. But then again, if I had many friends, they'd be calling me or otherwise disturbing me, and I'm not sure I want that either. So I guess not really. I'm pretty satisfied with what I have. Now if only I could get laid...

I don't feel jealous of my peers at all. I'd rather have my freedom and my favourite things than be tied down to a traditional relationship and family.

You have no idea. My friends are all out going to college and working on careers and all of that other stuff, while I'm stuck spinning my wheels in the same spot.

everyone is leaps and bounds ahead of me, even if they say they aren't.

I don't feel jelly in the sense of wishing I had that instead of them or feeling any ill will towards them over it(I'm glad for them) but I may feel bad that I don't have it too especially if it was something I had been wanting for a while like a girlfriend when I was single & him having a new one just reminded me more of my singlehood.

It bothers me a bit.

I get frustrated that people who are my peers in age, qualifications and experience are typically in higher positions at work with better salaries. It can be difficult dealing with managers younger and less experienced than myself.

But I wouldn't say it's jealousy, because I know I wouldn't be able to cope with a management position and am better off where I am. It's more a frustration with myself and the limitations imposed by my ASD.

It helps if people are accepting of the validity (or necessity) of my life choices, so that I don't have to deal with their frustration with me on top of my own.

It’s natural I guess. I don’t but there is only one time it makes me sad. When I see my best friends social media posts about his relationship - I feel J. We used to be close and then he asked me out but because he went away to study at a UK univ we stopped seeing each other. He met somebody else and got married to her.

I think that's what I feel. Half of me wants a mind to call my own, but the other half of me fears being left out of the crowd. My social anxiety and ASD makes enjoying some things hard, like social events or clubbing. I want to have the social motivation to do these things, but I know deep down that I won't enjoy them at all. I think I would enjoy who I am more if peer pressure wasn't so in my face like it is. It's like I'm beating myself up about not liking certain things others my age like or have experienced. People say "if you don't like clubbing then why are you getting all upset about it?" But people don't understand.

I think it all comes from having a fear of being the only one in your surrounding family who doesn't like something they all do/did. I find it reassuring to know that there's at least one other person close to me who can actually say "I've never been clubbing either, and I don't care for it." But there isn't. So if I'm around my cousins and the conversation gets on to nightclubs and other forms of nightlife, I'm just sitting there unable to relate. And then I feel like I'm boring.

Yes. Extremely.

I get jealous of people having had better overall health and of not having the pervasive developmental challenges I've had because of my autism. I get jealous but also despise them. Just being honest

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 26 and I felt very bitter and damaged by missing out on that experience until it happened for me. 26 is a lot later than many of my peers to experience a sexual relationship, although I'm grateful that it happened for me at all, as it's hard for people with autism to have sex or relationships full stop.

Which is extremely, extremely unfair

I mean, it bothers me that a disability beyond my control meant I couldn't have what many of them have PLUS take for granted, such as sexual relationships and overall health. The severity of my sensory issues and OCD alone has made having a normal life thus far absolutely impossible for me.

I've completely given up on the supposedly normal facets of happiness such as marriage or kids. I want neither. Which is fine

But it's just the ease with which people with better health can make life choices. That is painful to see. They just don't ''get'' what it's like not to have that leverage, not to have that choice- to have it taken away from you altogether.

They have many of their own problems and don't have perfect lives- but having a debilitating health condition is a world away even from that. Often.

Plus I had to watch both my healthier siblings have partners for years and years before I ever had anyone, and they had no understanding or sympathy for how hard this deprivation was for me. They didn't care (or understand)


So yes it's been extremely hard not to feel bitter, jealous, resentful, rageful, disdainful, outraged and envious.

What's interesting now, though, is that I'm 31 and whilst I've struggled against the most ENORMOUS, CRIPPLING ODDS with my health throughout my young life so far to get where I am, and REALLY appreciate what I have now, such as a boyfriend and comparatively better health;
my peers that experienced (often far) better health and could get degrees, travel, party, have physical & mental health, socialise, make choices, have fun, work, have many relationships etc. and bought into the normal facets of happiness (which I long ago gave up on), such as marriage, are now experiencing things such as their marriages not working out and so on.

Which just goes to show I guess.

I think I'm just bitter about having ASD because of being the only one in the family with it. Ok one of my aunts has a few traits of ASD but she was never diagnosed and she had more friends when she was young compared to me. But even if she did have an ASD, her daughter has not got it, all she was was a bit slow acedemically at school but her social skills weren't affected. Both my mum and my dad are NTs, and so are/were my grandparents and my other uncles and aunts and their children. One of my uncles had a wife who had autism run in her family, but she wasn't on the spectrum, but still their children turned out 100% NT. So, really, I'm basically the only one with an ASD in my immediate family, even if relatives I don't know very well might have autism or Asperger's, the faulty gene still didn't affect any of my cousins. It just affected me.

I think things would have been better if one of my cousins had the same disorder as me. My mum felt alone because her brothers and sisters were just bringing up their NT children, who all had friends and normal behaviour and didn't require social workers or therapists, while my mum was tearing her hair out (not literally), trying to raise a whining, hyperactive, socially isolated, challenging brat like me. As a teenager I used to cry in the school holidays because I had no friends to go out with, and all my cousins were, and I played my mum up because I was bored and lonely and socially isolated.

I didn't want to be the one without friends. It was shameful for me. It made me insecure inside. It made me feel like I was a bad person. It made me horribly jealous of my cousins.

Things obviously aren't as bad as that now, as I have grown up and I have a boyfriend and better social skills, but I do wish I could go back and be a better child for my mum. I'm making up for all the stress and misery I caused for my mum, but I still feel I can't do enough to make up for how sh***y I was.

Years ago, it bothered me. It wasn't jealousy, but a knowledge that my life was slipping away from me. I saw a very bleak future ahead. I do feel sad that I may never catch up to where I should be, but I never stop trying. I have done a lot of things I thought I would never do, but still have difficulties with everyday things when I get nervous. My goal is to control my anxiety and relax more, because I can accomplish much more when I'm calm.

I wish I had learned certain things when I was much younger. If I had built certain routines when I was in my 20s, instead of waiting until my late 40s/early 50s, that anxiety wouldn't have been an issue.

Yes, to an extent. These things don't bother me NEARLY as much as they used to, especially since I've gained so much ground the last 5 years or so. But I can't say they don't bother me at all - that'd be a lie. Instead, I try to focus on the fact that I have MUCH different goals from my peers, so things like climbing a corporate ladder, taking vacations, and home ownership don't bother me much at all anymore. The relationship one irks me the most, but at the same time, I've never ever been in a situation where there's been a mutual spark that could have ignited into a relationship, soooo, it's not as if I've missed or dismissed an opportunity, anyways. And while I'm sometimes envious of friends in their relationships, I'm also of the mindset that that path isn't for me, as there've been certain experiences in my life that I've learned things about myself from and I just don't see myself doing that. I figure if I make the most of other things in life I'll do alright. I think life would be very depressing if all I did was focus on the things I don't like about myself or my life instead of turning my attention to the good things about me and how I can make the most of them. I think quite a few people here could find peace with themselves if they were better able to do this.