Do you believe in sex before marriage?

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Too late.

sex before marriage?

yes, because why wait?

This is part of the reason I look for people who are liberal.

Tim

Sure, why not? There's no harm in it as long as you're careful, I guess.

Not that that really matters to me right now, of course, but still...

Well... i must admit, when i admit to others when asked if im a vigin, i tell them yes and its by choice, because i dont beleive in sex b4 marrage, as that was how i was brough up.

Its BS... I do read the Bible, but... if I was ready, i have no problem, i may or may not get married, but i want kids and a relationship regardless...

shure why not

what do you people think

There is ample evidence that sex outside marriage exists, therefore I have no choice but to believe in it.

This is but hearsay from someone I trust, but:

- Unless you only ever have sex with the person you will marry, having had sex outside marriage increases the chances that you will engage in infidelity substantially- and more with each additional partner. According to studies, statistical analysis, and whatnot.

So. . . sex before marriage bad?

Depends on how one defines marriage and how important it is. . . and, of course, on what and how important one finds the benefits of extramarital sex to be.

From a personal standpoint I can say this-

First, I've always felt- and I still feel- that the whole "physical compatibility" thing can be worked around, if, for example, someone wishes to wait. A lot of sex is about communication and experience; on top of this, "try before you buy" doesn't, I think, give anything like an accurate lifetime picture anyway. To me, marriage means for keeps. . . the rest of your life, if you can make that a good thing. . . and a lot of things can reap dramatic changes over a person's lifetime, in both their sex drive and their lovemaking style. . . not to mention their body. Therefore, a marriage can't be stably founded on "physical compatibility"- it has to be founded on an ability and a desire to work things through together.

Furthermore, in this same vein, "compatibility," I think, is highly fluid. Consider something that recently happened to a friend of mine. She has married a married friend who has complained of his wife's low sex drive since the birth of their child, now many months ago. When she started spending time with his wife (the same time, btw, that she started spending time with him). . . well. . .in his words to my friend, "whatever you're doing, keep doing it."

When I asked her what she was doing, she said- "I listen to her. I rub her back. I do her dishes sometimes. . . And I'm constantly telling him to do the same."

A lot of women seem to feel more like having sex when other things- like help with housework- are taking place that make them feel loved, supported, and appreciated. This is not some frigid or manipulative form of blackmail- it's just something that sometimes happens when people are emotionally connected to sex.

In short term relationships, there wouldn't be much reason to figure this out- or to figure out all the other ways that sexual relationships and emotions are rooted into the rest of our lives. The more complex dynamics simply don't come into play. I would like to be married someday because I think that dealing with these complexities over time with the right partner could create a ritchness and depth that might well be impossible to come by any other way. Of course, this is only my best guess, coming from a limited (if unusually. . . fertile?) set of experiences.

When asking, Why no sex before marriage? one might ask Why monogamy? as well. I'm not saying these questions are the same or that people shouldn't ask them, but I don't think they are unconnected.

Though I've engaged in sex outside of marriage in the past and it's far from impossible that I will do so again, I would almost certainly not ever date someone who chose their partners on this basis. . .

Don't get me wrong; I like sex.

However, the right to say no, under any circumstances, is precious to me- and the idea, before even starting, that my saying yes under certain circumstances (namely, before marrying the person) was so essential to what the relationship was about as to be a deterimining factor in it's possibility, would quite scare me off. . . . which is funny, because I get pretty exasperated at times with spouses who don't have sex with their spouses. . . it just strikes me as, well, not the best way to run things.

Funny little paradox there.

I suppose what it comes down to is that my vision of marriage includes the possibility of celibacy. . . though one would hope and expect, going in, that that eventuality would be avoided. . . or at least I would hope so, for any relationship I would be in.

This was a reaction to my last girlfriend who wanted to wait 5 years before marriage, and to her, it was marriage or nothing. Also, she and I were polar opposites on many other issues. If it was one year, I could understand that. But 5 years was ridiculous.

There are many other factors in determining whether a relationship works out than sex. For example, I would like to be with someone who likes to be outdoors, and who has other similar interests and beliefs. Of course, the traditional inner qualities must be there (honesty, caring, etc.).

I try to look for someone who is almost exactly like me.

Tim

if I can get sex I'll take it

Most of what I said was out of frustration regarding my last relationship, as well as unrequited love by someone at my school I had an interest in who had many of the same interests and beliefs as me.

Every time someone I am interested in isn't interested in me, it upsets me--especially since there aren't very many people that I consider interesting--and I tend to say things that I wouldn't normally say. This isn't like me at all.

I am not a perv in any way.

Tim

Chill, Tim, it's ok. We still like you. . . me and all my voices that is. . . despite that we feel our previous posts here stand. People are not made only of their opinions, and certainly not only of their posts on Wrongplanet- there are plenty of other things in your life that would change them by context, and any sensible people would understand that.

As for the perv thing. . . well, I have more than one close friend- people who I really think highly of and care about- who have trouble not coming off as creepy. I think perv is all in the eye of the beholder, and all one can do is present one's self most carefully.

*ineptly attempts to send cosmic waves of moral support in Tim's general direction. . *

*sighs*

Yeah. . . I think that's all. .

QFT

And for the records, there were probably 5 or 6 people I even find interesting (including the unavailable girl at my school--who was the sole NT out of those 5 or 6), and none of them are available to me.

Tim