In one word, how do you feel right now?

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Tired

Good tired

Thanks for asking, but unless you want a long story, you probably don't want to help. It's my stupid OCD (I hope).

^I don't mind. I'm good at listening, even virtual listening.

Alright lol.

Basically, I'm a hypochondriac, but instead of fearing physical disorders/diseases, I fear mental disorders. It's weird I would fear them since I have two myself (ASD and OCD), but OCD is like that, I guess. My main obsession/fear for over a year has been centered around developing schizophrenia, which I would rather die than have (no offense to anyone reading this who has it or has a friend/relative who has it). It's just my OCD (I hope). My fear started after I went through a period of time a while ago when I thought I was an "undiscovered genius" (I know I'm not now!). I thought that for about a month after taking one of those dumb IQ tests online. It went away after a month on its own.

Fast forward about 6 months later, and I finally know what is going on. I have read extensively about ASD and I fit almost everything there is to do with it. However, one night I get the thought "Hey, I wonder if that stupid " undiscovered genius" thing is related to ASD in any way. It could be a special interest gone wild or something like that." Of course, I googled it and up came a bunch of lists of schizophrenic and delusional disorder symptoms. I absolutely PANICKED at this point. I convinced myself I was about to go psychotic, and every day was filled with so much anxiety I couldn't even think about anything else. I worried about the symptom I had shown, and every other symptom there was. I spent every night screaming and crying with so much anxiety because it was too much. I finally told my mom and I now have a psychologist, but that's not helping things too much right now.

I have had severe OCD for a little over a year now (since May 2016). Every day feels like hell. My main problems right now are the fact I wake up in the middle of the night every night (erratic sleep patterns are a sign of early schizophrenia) and the fact I am so scared that this year will be a repeat of the "undiscovered genius" time. I also have this really weird feeling every single day. It almost feels like the feeling you get when you watch a horror movie- inescapable dread and fear. I don't know what is happening or what this feeling is. I feel like I'm about to lose touch with reality. It's the worst feeling ever. I keep getting intrusive thoughts from the time when I though I was an "undiscovered genius" and I have had to get rid of all my stuff that I used/touched during that time. I also have the same paranoid thoughts I read about online, but I don't believe them and I resist them with all my might. Resisting my own thoughts all day long is what is causing me to feel depressed and horrible inside. Whenever I get reassurance, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of me and I can finally breathe again. My posts don't really reflect what I feel inside with all the smiles and whatnot.

See, you didn't want my problems . I guess sad may have been a bit of an understatement. Sorry for the monologue. It feels good to get that off my chest, though.

No need to apologize at all. Kitty hugs.

Thanks!

Thankful.

shakalaka

Content

entertained

^^
=**=

Last edited by Kuraudo7777 on 07 Aug 2017, 5:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Eh.....

Okay

Disappointed

Scared.

^How come?

Mew.