Post something that made you UNHAPPY today.

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I was organizing some of my meds & putting them away & I thought I was low on something I thought I had got recently. It ticked me off because I wouldn't of been able to get it before I ran out. I saw it in the cupboard after & I remembered I had it on the table & my girlfriend had picked it up when she was clearing off the table. I wish I hadn't forgotten that cuz then I wouldn't of gotten upset about not finding it.

A few nights ago I was out walking late and came across a baby fox laying in the middle of the road; cars go like maniacs down this particular part so it wasn't surprising, but still very upsetting. Couldn't stand to just leave it there to be further torn up by traffic so I risked carrying it to the side, it must have died very recently, judging that it hadn't yet gone into rigor mortis. Ever since then I can't seem to stop thinking about it, not the event per se but all the minute details: the texture of it's fur, the blood, the fact it was still warm. This incident couldn't have occurred at a worse time considering I wasn't in the best state of mind to begin with.

Thanks.

When I woke up around noon my bedroom was broiling and my whole body felt like lead. I got up anyway and felt better after some tea and going on my computer.

Rafael Nadal lost early at Wimbledon yet again.

My knee is hurting & numb, I have a bruise too

Still coughing like crazy. If it persists, I'm seeing the doctor.

This stupid idea about no tiebreaks in the fifth set of Wimbledon. That Nadal-Muller match was a painful ordeal to watch and I'm sure both Nadal and Muller were sucked completely dry of energy. I'm not just being a sore loser here. I would have said the same thing if Rafael had won. I would have worried that he wouldn't have enough left to play his next match. This tournament is becoming embarrassing fast.

an appointment later.

climate change fearmongering.

I fell down again.

i thought i had the place closed and locked all the way before i left, but turns out i left the back door open and unlocked. i only secured one.


oops.

i suppose we're lucky that noone came in and raided the register (and the fridge) while the place was unoccupied.

That was 25th April.
I don't understand how I got from that to this. The whole point of a rule is that it's a rule.
It's still all a f*****g lie. I am not in the control I think I am, and it's a very shakey form of management. Case in point, the current rules, which changed on a whim and now feel as sensible and unbreakable as those ^ did:

22 800
18 400
26 800
18 400
26 800
20 800
20 800

So that's 7000 down to 4800.
127/168 up to 150/168. 18 hours a week in which to feel ok.
The above is an ideal that I didn't meet anyway.
The 400s are 300s in my head.
I woke up kind of happy today but 2 hours later it's devolved to this. Obsession.

4372 for the past 7 days.
624 average, that's not so bad. I don't hate the number, despite how I feel in myself as I'm writing this. People go on less, but I do so much.
I'm so tired. Every part of me is so tired and worn down.
I'm so tired.


I want to say Help Me but I know it can't be helped. A sad and pointless thing to say, even to myself.



Damn.

Nothing. I felt very unhappy today for no reason. I was just very sad. I couldn't identify the reason.

This reminded me that I completely forgot and missed my doctor's appointment this morning. FML. :/

The smoke hanging in the air from a recent fire is still making me cough. Although it's not as bad as last week, I still have coughing jags at random, embarrassing times.