What's on your mind right now?

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30 hours with no sleep. now im falling asleep. u imagine.

im sure im going to sleep at least 12 hours

The more I see of people, the more I like rocks.

^I would offer residence under my rock but i only built it for one

^ Thanks for the offer.

"life" is "As Good As it Gets".

$$ is running out.

precious lil "people" will always be impatient, act self-important, condecending, act morally innocent.

trump is president

physical health and mental illness and autism symptoms can and will only get much worse.

sooner or later might end up homeless.

emotional resilience and social awkwardness. things are getting much less dysfunctional. rapidly, completely, permanently

and there is little or nothing i can do about it

sure there might be plenty of things i never thought about or just never tried. (fine).

but seriously doubt that anything is worth the energy

seriously though.

____________________________________________________________________________________

wish i could join the military. the army offers 2 year enlistments. active duty. officer candidate school.

infantry

but MEPs disqualifiers:

obsessive compulsive disorder
autism
gender identity disorder (Trump trans military ban, a couple weeks ago)
clinical depression/prozac
anxiety/ativan
irritable bowel syndrome


and that's just the clinically officially diagnosed labels.

nobody systematically checked for all the diagnoses.

besides new conditions sometimes occur.

the military seems so heroic. romanticized. brave. courageous.

civilians act like the military is so honorable. some civilians treat the military like heroes.

but of course some civilians treat the military badly.

so whatever.

infantry

Call of Duty

World of Warcraft

but of course even if the DodMerb gave me waivers for all those conditions,

then i would be afraid of getting raped. getting hazed. homophobia

and when i do not sleep enough, i function much worse than usual. and usually function pretty badly. so could not handle sleep deprivation in the military.

could not handle the yelling by drill sergeants

could not handle the micromanaging

could not handle the mind games. mental games

could not handle having a limited amount of time for bowel movements

could not handle having to eat only Meals Ready to Eat. constipation

could not handle living in barracks. crowded. 24/7

would be afraid of getting raped

but hey whatever

civilian or military

"life" goes on.

oh well maybe it's. good that i did not enlist when i was young.

b/c maybe they would've raped me. sent me to the brig. dishonorable discharge. post traumatic stress disorder.

Wow, I must've been really tired to think that was funny.

^ That did give me a chuckle Lillikoi

Many of us seem to be single rock dwellers

I have new ink! I just spent the last four hours being tattooed. I can't see it properly yet because of all the blood plus you can never see what a tattoo is going to settle into until it heals and the skin falls off, but even so far it looks awesome!
It has been very stressful though. The studio I had been dealing with SCREWED me. Took my $200 deposit, didn't listen to a word I said, didn't base their designs on the reference material I provided, were 10 minutes late for my appointment, and when I told them that they had not done as I asked and thus I wouldn't be getting their design tattooed, they got quite nasty and started calling me a timewaster who is costing someone else their living. He wanted to bully me into going with the design he had independently made without listening to my requests even though it was not what I wanted or asked for, and pay him another $500 for doing so. Newsflash - I am not someone you can bully.I do not take shite. I walked out, and found someone better, but now I'm betting they try to keep my deposit money even though they did not do the work and were extremely rude to me. So I'll be going above their heads and forcing them to give me the money back if they start arguing.
I have two more sessions to go before my back piece is done, which is going to be expensive, but unlike the original studio, the artist who did the session today said I can just book in whenever I can afford it and do it in pieces, instead of having to pay for it all at once.

Playing with water. And fire. Literally.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Potato potato ching chong tomato.

I need some rest before I get back to disk upgrades.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos