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I had my first “real” surgery today, for a biopsy of my swollen lymph nodes. Before then the only surgery I’d had was to get my wisdom teeth out, although I’ve had anesthesia tons of times before (got it every time I went in for ECT treatment, which started at three times a week).

Oh I hope it isn't too painful!!



I didn't realize you had ECT treatments! Maybe it was mentioned before on WP anonymous or somewhere but wow! You are so brave

I've read books by Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia's actress) - she praised ECT treatments which she relied on. She wrote many times that it was worth any side effects.

It doesn’t hurt right now because they gave me some pain pills that are doing their job well. I actually had to ask my mom if they’d done the procedure yet when I woke up Felt like I just closed my eyes for barely longer than a blink.

I’ve mentioned here and there that I’ve had ECT, I don’t know what people have seen me post or not, or what I’ve posted where. I’m afraid I didn’t have such a good experience with ECT, though, it really didn’t seem to do anything good for me and that was also around the time my memory really started going downhill, but I don’t know whether that really had to do with the ECT or was just coincidence. So I stopped after several months (was told treatment wasn’t going to really end, they’d just keep it at once a month indefinitely once we got down to that ) since it had had time to work but I hadn’t shown any signs of improvement. The whole experience was pretty easy, though, I got up really early, they took all the ECT patients to the proper room, I got an IV and waited until they got to me, then the sedation was pretty much like flipping a light switch - suddenly I was out, and then suddenly I was awake again. Then we’d usually stop at McDonalds to get something to eat, and we’d go home and I’d spend the rest of the morning sleeping off the anesthesia and when I woke up, I might have a bit of a residual headache, but otherwise it may just as well never have happened. Once I got used to having doctors around me and having an oxygen mask put on just before they dispensed the anesthesia, it really wasn’t a problem at all for me, just had to remember what time I had to stop eating/drinking the night before (this one was nice, I didn’t have to stop fluids until 5AM, so I didn’t spend the whole night thirsty).

Rather similar for this, except just the rest of the morning wasn’t enough sleep this time so I’m still a bit dozy now.

Oh ECT definitely causes memory loss. At least that's what Carrie Fisher's doctor told her.
She said she didnt mind memories of events leaving - in fact it would be a relief- but what bothered her was, she found it also made her lose random words in her vocabulary.


But her friends helped her



During the time she received them, a friend of hers recorded a voicemail message (if anyone called , her phone wd go directly to the message.)


In it, one of the things her friend said was that, remember she will have memory issues because of this treatment now so make sure to remind her of things.

Fall/Autumn is my favorite season and I really don't like summer at all. It's too warm for me personally.

I completely agree. It’s also very humid in summer in my area, which only makes it worse. I’ve developed a severe aversion to feeling even remotely damp, so I hate both sweating even a tiny bit and also when it’s so humid the air itself feels damp. Autumn has always been my favorite season.

1. This is the month of my birthday!

2. i admire people who can dance or dance for a living.

3. I think of books/ideas/possessions as friends more than ppl as ppl are too unpredictable and hurtful or easy to hurt accidentally or misinterpret or be misinterpreted by. Also you cannot feel as emotionally attached as u do with ppl- so it's less stressful.

I prayed quite a lot today. I was rather not bored during it. And it was pleasant.

I got quetiapine today about 7:55 p.m. (quite lately). I got morning medications about noon today (02.08.2020). I was in bed to about 11:55 a.m.

Traditional Catholicism looks very anti-sexual for me. I want to be completely free of sexual drive. Libido can be considered an enemy by me, even a public enemy. I hate sexual drive. But I do not hate procreation. And even do not hate marital intercourse for procreation of holy offspring.

I have recently learned a new rule - don’t try to spike the punch at a pity party with a healthy dose of reality, it never ends well.

Do not want to meet relatives
My uncle misinterpreted me abruptly driving away after dropping my brother (MONTHS AGO) at his home My aunt n uncle had just pulled in.. They saw me drive off but didnt see me quivklu waving to them n saying hello thru the open window

I explained to him why i didnt get off to say hi
.

(there was a person with them who had flirted with me a lot unnecessarily in the past n i didnt want him to see me) but now they want to come and visit me tomorrow

I have an anger in my heart because je was seemong to imply something about me which was not true (even though he understood after i was pushed into having to explain)

I know he has Aspergers he has everything inc echolalia .. Wandering.. Social lack of understanding so rules based n triés hard.. Stimming.. Etc..

But still. I feel angry and these days my anger cannot be washed away as it could before, in a second..

Im sick of ppl .. Liars.. Slanderers
Misinterpreters... No compassion types. Everything
I hate ppl these days .. I feel a shurdown (big onr) coming on n trying to delay it all this time till tomorrow (kids will b with dad)

N that is what i had planned fr tomorrow bcuz i know iy.. I fell inyo it a lot today yesterday etc but pulled myself out as much as i cd..(after a long time of trying)
I want to get it over with completely n do not want to meet my aunt/uncle. N have to be polite
. i cd not sustain conversation (mid sentence i wd become quiet unintionally)

tosay n my sister n her husband noticed.. They kept telling me to rest..

I've really been craving plain, glazed, raised donuts (like the basic donut at KrispyKreme) for the past few days. That also seems to be the only kind of donut I actually like.

"Arsenic" is a very funny thing for me. The word here doesn't mean a chemical element, but one of body parts (or regions). It looks funny for me that "arsenic" stinks and looks like two rounded hills with deep and thin interval between them. The "arsenic" is often considered immodest, especially by Abrahmistic religions. "Arsenic" may be also funny because of substances, things, that come out of it. These things are shameful and gross (especially when they are solids or liquids).

I may believe that people in fact do not have "arsenics" and human "arsenics" are hallucinations made by evil spirits. Especially beautiful women. This idea looks schizophrenic.

I hate people.

Wait.. You think the butts of beautiful women are hallucinations created by evil spirits? Am I interpreting this correctly?

I’m always perplexed when people tell someone to stop crying or something, because at least in my experience, crying is something one has little to no control of. For example if I was crying out of anger or frustration and someone told me to stop crying, what I would want to say is “Oh, trust me, I would if I could - it takes the edge off the death glare I’m trying to give you right now.”

Yes, I have such a thoughts. You interpret it correctly.

Having "arsenic" looks as something humilitating for me... If people have two round "poop pillows" divided by the deep cleft, why they make them a taboo?

I think that I may have heboidophrenia or even not-so-severe form of disorganised schizophrenia (but I do not function well and my mental disorder is severe despite lack of inability to independent existence or, saying it more clearly, lack of problems which such a basic activities like going to toilet, showering myself, doing simple meals, riding to the school or the doctor without a family member or someone who is caring about me or buying quite many articles) because I have "love" for "butts" (they appear to be something extremely funny for me).