What's on your mind right now?

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I know that it wasn't intentional, but I did look it up in my Latin dictionary. I just thought it was synchronous and particularly amusing and I can't spell.

The tardis is only slow because someone left the handbrake on.

^Exactly, exactly. When in doubt, claim the Doctor did it and run.

My name means River.
I have ringlets.
Hope it's just a crazy phase I'm going through.

I often compare my mum and her new husband to River and the Doctor. They have quite the amusing/exasperating dynamic going on.

I'll make a note of that in my little blue book.

It's even funnier when we play Doctor Who Clue.

It's funny just reading it.

I'm not sure if this idea of making little trinkets to sell and giving the revenue to charity will pan out, but it's the only way I see that I can help.

"life" seems so meaningless. wish i had friends. but precious lil "people" refer to themselves as "people", "we" and "most people". they are so judgmental. they act like they know a lot more than they do. they act like they are so important.

not everyone all the time. but "most people" almost all the time.

the more i think of it, the more i realize that when i was 18 i should not have gone to college or enlisted.

college costs a lot of $$. and i was too academically stupid for an STEM major.

thinking back at it makes me wanna cry.

but whatever.

social sciences and liberal arts. whooptie do. those subjects tend not to match the autistic demeanor.

but whatever.

but it's not just college or military.

instead i could've just started panhandling and recycling at age 18.

big deal, those methods allegedly do not earn that much $$.

but college is expensive.

and in panhandling and recycling there is no commitment.

no SAT. no tuition. no moving 500 miles. no living with a bunch of homophobic strangers. none of that.

so it was my fault for going to ucsd.

granted my precious lil "parents" pressured me to go to college. among other things. but they did not use extortion or any illegal technique.

instead i could've just said no. like in Drug Abuse Resistance Education "just say no".

_____________________________________________________________________________

ate two naan sitting outside Trader Joe's. they were delicious.

ate one naan on the bus.

in petri dish. jail cell. pigpen. playpen.

took one bite, around the entire perimeter, of the remaining three naan. then cut one naan in two pieces and ate it.

feel pretty full right now.

although usually feel full.

and still 106#.

which is below MEPS quota.

the military sounds so cool.

work with explosives. build bridges. recruits are only allowed to have certain specific items in their possession. barracks inspection. uniform inspections. mail call.

West Point

serve the country

Beast

but alas

MEPS disqualifiers:

autism
obsessive compulsive disorder
clinical depression
anxiety
Trump trans ban
irritable bowel syndrome
and counting


but ucsd. undergrad. bs. BA.

it's just sitting in a chair listening to someone flap his trap.

labs. physics labs. structural engineering lab. that was it. cognitive science lab. no dissection though.

read books.

it's just theory



34 years old. feel like my "life" is over before it began.



can't work in the military b/c of the above MEPS disqualifiers
can't work STEM job. academically too stupid
too physically weak to work construction or manual labor
too socially awkward for customer service

BA cognitive science
AA accounting

got me nowhere

my precious lil "parents" made me memorize 10 to 20 SAT words per week over the school year. from 3rd to seventh grade.

my precious lil "parents" made me memorize 10 to 20 SAT words per day over the summer. from third to seventh grade.

my precious lil "dad" had the nerve to tell me that if i did that i would get a scholarship and become famous.

only got a couple small scholarships.

and did not get famous. and plenty of students get much higher on the SAT than me. big deal.



all. that. effort.

no extracurricular activities.

to think i wanted to take karate. and i did not wanna do that much else.

just for what? so i could end up with no job and no job skills.

and no future.

These are new second-hand jeans and they're mysteriously too tight around the crotch.

How the Auslan sign for aboriginal is the same as "alcohol".
A sad commentary.

Addicted to internet, granola, chocolate

Sitting on toilet one hour. Frustrated

Military recruiter
Scribe
Port
Second job
Reclassification
Military movement
Thayer system
Rat
Cadet
Congressional nomination
Military prep academy
Graduation
West Point ring
Drummed out
Do not put your hands in your pockets
Dining facility
Do not take food to barracks
Yellow footprints
Don't ask don't Tell
Blanket party
Hazing
Rape
Smoking
Refuse to train
Kitchen patrol
Barack Obama
Donald Trump
Share showerhead with another E1
Advanced rank for JROTC and Eagle Scout. gold award

odd... most natural stance taken is telling for being left handed, despite being right handed.

also, muay boran...