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Nervous about doctor's verdict.

Well, time for the big move...

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LIONS-STAMPEDERS-ELKS-ROUGHRIDERS-BLUE BOMBERS-TIGER-CATS-ARGONAUTS-REDBLACKS-ALOUETTES

The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish.

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."

Feel invisible, ignored, and inconsequential

Feel like nobody and nothing

But that could be a good thing, in that precious lil "people" are not bothering me

Besides, some people consider it a superpower to be invisible

Being important is not necessarily a good thing. Hitler was important

"Helping people" is not necessarily a good thing. Mussolini helped Hitler









Slept fine 8:00 pm to 5:30am. Considering sleeping at 8:30 from now on

Past couple weeks, on most days. Many days, took a bowel movement in jail cell. Paranoid about water bill.

But when I restricted bowel movement to public bathrooms, failed a lot. It took longer and more effort

There's something seriously wrong with everything









But whatever


Nobody physically dragged me to Home Depot

And I am not a customer or employee

It would be legal for an employee to tell me that bathrooms are for customer only

Besides I did not directly or indirectly pay for the bathroom

So whatever



Seriously I could never get into the military

Even though I really want to

Not without precious lil "people" telling me off

Drill sergeant

Strangers telling me off, could be ok. Because do not have to deal with them regularly

Raleigh

I have no respect for people who cannot swallow their own venom, or cannot handle their own level of cruelty when it is done to them.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

A quotation from Wayne Dyer: “How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours.”

Ugh... I wish I could find a job, especially one I could support myself on - I'd really like to live on my own, but, well, that requires money. If I could lift fifty pounds, I could probably get a job filling orders and stuff in a warehouse or something, but forty is my limit. I'd go to the gym to improve on that, but my parents for some reason think it's perfectly fine to pay for a gym membership my dad barely uses but too expensive to add me to that membership, even though I would use it, if someone would take me, and with no source of income and all the money I've got going toward paying for my service dog, I'm not in a position to be paying for my own membership. If I could drive, I could get a job doing that, but there are several factors that mean that's not a good idea, and it's not really things I can work on - or at least, if it is, I don't know how. If I could talk to people all day, I could get a job dealing with customers, but if I'm overstimulated or very stressed, I can't talk understandably, or at all sometimes, no matter how hard I try. An hour or two of talking to people is about all I can manage at the best of times, and then I need two or three days to recover. If I simply didn't want to, I'd do it anyway, because I also don't want to be still living with my parents and completely dependent on them at age 24. And then instead of telling me that I'm not hired, and maybe even why, I just hear nothing back from the few places I can find to apply to, so I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. Ugh - job hunting sucks dingo's kidneys.

Also, if I hear anything along the lines of "If you'd just talk to people..." or "Use your words!" again, I make no guarantees I won't hurt the person who says it. Trust me, if I could, I would. It's at least as frustrating for me as it is for everyone else, probably more so. And yet no one I know in person ever believes that sometimes I can't talk - everyone has made some sort of comment like that, even people I had every reason to believe I could trust not to.

Feel like gorging, but petri dish does not contain anything special, delicious, or expensive

Kudos, chocolate, granola, yams

Nothing too addictive

Tomorrow want naan

Burrito, enchilada, lasagna

The U.S is practically in a state of emergency or at least lot of it due to natural disasters...and apparently the feds said No to providing Oregon with aid for their fires which are threatening a lot of populated areas. I just think that is stupid, but we have Trump so I guess that is what you get.

I've been prideful to long. I'm going to stop.

I miss sugar. I wish I could eat it again.

Hourglass figured women. They're the shiznit.

My tarot card readings about my past and present are scarily accurate. Like when I freaked out about my horoscope being scarily accurate. Luckily later I had a bunch of non-accurate horoscopes and that calmed me down.

A chat I had with a lovely young woman yesterday. Most of which would be entirely inappropriate to recount here...

Boo cat, Boo cat.

Sometimes I feel like there is nothing left for me to provide the world with positively

Like I have no job skills and service no function

Likewise nobody can help . Assist me . Only if it is brief, physical and easy. For example, if someone raped me, a neutral third party could pull the rapist off of me

But something ambiguous vague

Like get me friends. Get me a job that matches my autism symptoms. Get me dignity. get rid of or reduce my autism symptoms

Nobody can help me with

And I can't help myself and I can't help anyone else either



So as usual I feel like I am not morally justified at existing



Yesterday went to CVs. Pharmacist told me it did not take my insurance for flu shot

Pharmacist told me to go to Lucky's or Walgreens

Went to Lucky's. It told me it did not take my insurance

So today planning to go to Walgreens. If it doesn't take my insurance just going to Safeway

Have to get a flu shot







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Weighed 47.0kg this morning

Things are going too good to be true

Got room and board. Health decent. Little homophobia. Almost everyone completely ignores me almost all the time. Playing with iPhone. Computer works. Sleep fine.

The bad things cannot and will not get better. No job. No friends. No dignity. Trauma from the past. Autism symptoms



You can't change the past

Jobs could fire me. Friends could dump me. Both have done so numerous times in the past



Wish I was normal. Do not have to be extraordinary. Neurotypical, cisgender. Do not need to be skinny smart and handsome. Just functional.

Wish I could enlist. The Army now offers two year contracts.

However your MOS is not guaranteed. Your job depends on the needs of the Army. Plenty of recruits get sick and physically injured. And killed.

Imagine that. Fancy that belonging to a group that has an important, difficult, good goal. Like the united States military, would give me some dignity and belonging.

But whatever. Maybe the entire platoon would ridicule, bully, and rape me

My fantasies are wrong more often than not