What's on your mind right now?

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I'm ready to change some things.

Them paper Christmas hats are a bit weird, in a sense that when you're wearing one you forget it's there but then when you take it off, you feel like it's still on.

They must be made if some kind of skulduggery.

Random person in my imagination: I came to kick ass and chew gum, and I'm out of gum.

Me: I have some gum.

Article about Matt White and Chauncey Jones Black from Kroger supermarket

Article claimed that Chauncey had no food, so he asked Matt if Chauncey could unload Matt's groceries in exchange for a box of donuts.

Matt said yes. And Matt set up a Go Fund Me for Chauncey. It raised a lot of $$

And then people started recognizing Matt and Chauncey in public so they did not feel safe. So Chauncey's family kept moving. And Matt went with them

Plenty of people praised Matt. "An angel".

An angel?

What?



Ulterior motives

Sounds like something suspicious going on

Oh bliss, I am alone!
It's pathetic how grateful I am for that. Literally made a list of all the things I can't normally do because these bloody people are in my face 24/7, to do this weekend.
Some of it is completely mundane and innocent - like walk around without being formally dressed, do a bunch of art projects without being harassed / questioned / judged / spied on, cook when I want without being crowded / harassed / questioned, watch embarrassing DVDs without being self-conscious, etc. But also not have to see those people, not have to interact with them or speak a word for three days, and especially, not hear them. I can just be without everything revolving around them all the time, and my behaviour constantly checked because of their presence.
Need to move out of here so I can be alone all the time.

one hour ago, weighed 48.0kg. not too bad. that is still below the MEPS military standard.

feel pretty full. ate two garlic naan. they also have traditional naan and one other flavor. variety. ate the border. perimeter. margin. off four more naan.

feel bloated.

feel like gorging. feel like gorging a lot. emotionally.

as usual i am so ashamed of myself. can't handle a job. not even a part time job. not even with a (useless) BA. Cognitive Science.

maybe should've majored in Theater. the whole world's a stage . or communication. everyone has to communicate. verbal and nonverbal. whenever they interact with someone.

but cognitive science. seriously.

even some cognitive science professors did not do their undergrad or graduate degree in cognitive science.

but whatever who cares.

when i was young i was pretty academically stupid.

and since then i have rapidly gotten much more stupid.

almost catatonic or something.

waste the days.

seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades. seriously

doing little except eating, sleeping, walking, internet, bathroom.

even talking takes too much energy. and besides precious lil "people" tend to misunderstand a lot of things i say and do.

and it is just easier to not interact with them.

Got a phone call today, but I didn't hear the phone ring. The message just said, "Dragonsanddemons? ::hang up::" The only thing I can think it might be is the place I applied to for a job, but I also provided my cell phone number and email address, so I don't know why they wouldn't have tried either of those when I didn't answer my home phone. They'll be closed until Monday now, so I can't call back. But no one ever calls me except my parents and the Red Cross (I donated blood one time four years ago and they're still calling me ), and they call my cell phone. I'd thought this would be an excellent job for me if I could get it, but given their very brusque treatment of me when I applied, and if this was them, I guess it's not going to actually be any better than my last job, except the pay will be higher and I won't be in a retail store. But maybe, just maybe this job would also not have an interview I'd probably fail. And if it pays enough for me to support myself on (I won't know until I know how many hours they want me to work), I'll put up with a heck of a lot for that.

If there's an apocalypse anytime soon, at least I'll be well-stocked with jalepenos.

We aught to rename you shortbaldugulyman, or are you really 6'2 with a full head of hair and look like the Greek Adonis? You fibber

Tallthinhairyattractiveperson

Oh, wait - that's me!

People accuse me of being flirty sometimes, but really I have no idea what they're saying so I giggle and blush to cover for it.
I dig deep holes for myself.

Hehe, is it weird that that doesn't seem particularly appealing either? "Mediumaveragemoderatelyfurredguy"?
I'm so confused.
I'm sitting by an open door in a thermal shirt and am starting to get cold. I should go do something useful instead of screwing around on WP.

__________________

Five foot three

34 year old

No hair

Ugly

Percent body fat could still be too high

Asians. Chinese cisgender women tend to have low bone density

The most recent menstrual cycle was September 12, ,2016. So.

The definition of menopause is on year without menstrual cycle.

Not even one year later. As long as menstrual cycle does not come back before September 13, 2017 then I am postmenopausal

One less thing to worry about

On. The other hand, osteoporosis

But

Whatever

I would rather have osteoporosis than a menstrual cycle



34 year old is pretty old

If someone is going to be successful, it usually happens before age 34

Not many exception

Marriage

Stable career

Because I strongly suspect that almost always the good and bad drama in life occurs before age 34 instead of after

Maybe the world has little or nothing left for me positively

Maybe I have little or nothing left to give to the world either

Plenty of things that I hate and fear. Avoid them

But do not seek nothing

Nothing to do in life

Maybe I should have taken some community college courses

They cost $$ but not that much

Psychology

Philosophy

But I already have an AS and a BA




Wish I could ship off to Basic Training

And sleep in a rack

And serve the country

Permanently on Ground

Pog

Infantryman

Combat engineer

Bulk fuel specialist

Fireman

But pilot have to be five foot four and I am too short

34 is too young for menopause, surely?

Some articles claim that one out of 16 cisgender women get menopause before age 40

But I do not smoke or drink or do drugs

My diet is not perfect, but usually eat nine servings fruit and vegetables per day. And five liter water.

And not many people eat perfect diet

But it is extremely rare to encounter someone that takes as long to take a bowel movement, as me

Paranoid. Bowel obstruction

Ulcerative colitis

Crowns

Colorectal cancer

But whatever

I have insurance

Medi-Cal

Today got a flu shot

Besides, $$ will run out and I will be homeless

So maybe it's better to not live too long. And not be homeless

Than to be 70 years old. Panhandling.

Push recycling cart. Shopping cart

Dig in garbage for cans

I do. not

Want that life

Can't eat what I want

Have to eat what's in the dumpster

Soup kitchen

Sleep in the park

Someone could rape me

Cold, hot, raining, dirty

No toilet