What's on your mind right now?

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I miss the countryside already. I really didn't want to leave.

I got a bit overloaded by driving in the city to see specialist. I always feel like I'm being silly and precious about my speech problems, but I really have to start revising that impression since he has just scheduled me for two separate surgeries to try and fix it it's so bad. I of course DO want my speech disorders fixed, but I doubt it will make speaking any less distasteful for me even if it's a complete success. I'll still go through with the surgeries anyway though.
Yay. More surgery.

Dreamt about going to school

Dreamt about finding cash on the ground

http://www.stimtastic.co/stim-toys/mini ... s-set-of-5

I want a giant version of these that when you press them down they go...BANG!

I could set them under the seats of my enemies!

Back at a library after so long.

It feels calm and relaxing when there is peace around.....

It's amazing how quickly I can go from wanting to be helpful to someone who has made an obvious logical fallacy -- most often small sample bias or something similar -- to wanting to completely discredit and humiliate them by revealing to everyone the cravenness of their motivation for abusing logic and science deliberately.

It's like I forget everything I learned recently about the need to incorporate determinism in my thinking. Also, it's an obvious case of ME making the Fundamental Attribution Error with respect to the idiots on the internet.

Obviously, at some point it becomes necessary to accept that people are abusing logic and statistics on purpose, or at least to realize that they have left no other option except to treat them like they're doing it on purpose. That ol' aspie black and white thinking comes into play, here. Objectively, I see a whole spectrum of purposefulness, not a stark choice between accidentally on one side of a line and deliberately on the other. In the heat of an argument, maybe not so much.

There's also the whole social phenomenon where lots of people have beliefs that don't withstand scientific scrutiny. I can't expect them to have made the same commitment that I have, and they will naturally have more tolerance for other people who believe patently false things which nonetheless feel true to them. Just demonstrating that a person's paradigm falls apart when you remove the logical fallacies may not convince anyone of anything, least of all the person making the fallacious argument. It may even turn neutral parties against me, since it's much crueler to demonstrate conclusively that someone is an idiot than it is to call them an idiot. Apparently.

Balthazar Bratt sitting eating Cheesy Poofs in his underwear, watching his old shows on repeat.

Hi Bald Man, I didn't realize how much time has passed. I haven't had the energy to respond to this as best I could. I'm still not sure but I feel I have to try.

All that repeated "failure" sounds really disheartening. It seems like the letdowns magnified each other, and you haven't built up a chain of small successes to start to turn things around. Does your counselor ever talk about creating those?



I can't measure negativity. Sometimes though, there really is a worst way to take something someone has said.

You're not selfish, only skewed toward negativity when you think about yourself and others. Where does good intent fit into your worldview? How about times when you're not sure of someone's intent?



Yes, the abuse was cruel and unfair and it matters. Your well-being today also matters. You said that you intensely relive these awful experiences. That prolongs the injustice.

I realize that this is going to sound really simplistic. I'm just not sure how to say it. I've noticed that when I'm focused on a goal or on someone else's situation, it changes my perspective on my own. Because I get out of my own head for a while, and especially if I'm able to do something positive, I tend to feel better.



I think maybe Matt did a good deed because he was thinking of someone else. Of course, it probably made him feel good to do this, and he might have enjoyed the attention also. Yet, he still stepped out of his own world for a moment to give someone else a chance to feel worthy. Not like a beggar.

One more thing: Kyle Maynard's story is inspiring. He didn't give up, even as he had challenges. Is that why you like it?

Newish ASUS desktop, with ASUS Manager installed. It causes trouble since some hot key sequences interfere with my virtual keyboard layouts. I have designed half a dozen VKBLs and I am pretty satisfied with them. Now, for example, AltGr+P is supposed to launch Greek characters to be used in scientific text, like α Centauri, β particles, γ-rays, etc. The ASUS manager, however, interpretes AltGr+P as Power settings menu, overriding my own settings. I don't need any stupid extra menus. I uninstalled the whole manager and now everything works, sort of. It came with a price, smooth scrolling seems to be history. I think I can live with that, my keyboard layouts are more important.

I hope my boss isn't there this morning.

He talks to me.

What's that about?

I think I've succeeded in numbing my fingertips from playing the guitar (well, only one is completely numb - the one I was having the most trouble with). I guess that's good? At least it's easier to do chords now, that thinnest string was really hurting my finger when I'd try the D chord.

How dare he
I should be doing something useful - I spent all day doing spreadsheets and it makes me want to finish off this qualification asap. I think I passed typing test.
I'm looking forward to house sitting this week, potentially for a few days while someone is in hospital. The solitude would be WONDERFUL, especially as the inhabitants here hadn't moved from the kitchen for hours while I was in there, but the moment I go to the bedroom, they start finding any reason to be in the end of the house.
What they possibly think I could be doing I don't know, but it's annoying.

I need to stop kicking myself, and prepare to deal with the consequences of the mistake. Kicking myself can't undo it, so my best response looks like pleading to keep my job while desperately seeking another without looking desperate.

Why did this happen? I haven't cried over math for years.

Yesterday I went out with my mom for supper and then do some shopping, and my mom got all disgusted because one of the cars in front of us had some breast cancer awareness sticker that said f-k cancer with the pink ribbon spelling it out. She then went into a rant about how yeah cancer is awful and everyone hates it and wants a cure but they don't have to use vulgar words, especially in public, plus they ruined the ribbon which is a symbol of hope. I agreed with her but we must be about the only people left on the planet who do and if she thinks it's bad she should go on YouTube.