Post a random truth (about yourself)

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i drove a toyota prius for a few years. the insurance was expensive.

Why I'm socially apathethic:

It was never because of social negative experiences.

Instead, it came through a realization that seeking it out isn't natural to begin with, like how I identified that me thinking with words is unnatural.

Heck I still recall that realization -- it was a really happy day.
I won all the games and prizes at that party... And everyone want me.

That's how I figured what my "social drive" really is.
It's not that inherent need for connection of wanting friends and hanging out with them right after.
But because I just I enjoy winning, driven to win and win a lot.

And everyone wants to win more than to lose so they want me. At least that's how it is from my 7 year old self's perspective.

And realizing that I never wanted friends, no matter how I enjoy being with them, no matter how mutual liking one another had been.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I'd rather lose than win because you don't get that attention and you're left alone because of those negative social experiences of my life.

I don't have much of an ego.

I can't really be friends with males because of things. I can't really be friends with females due to a female psychopath/narcissist.

The less I own in life materially, the more free I feel. And feeling good is sometimes better than a persons status which is often based on money (although a lack of such can obviously lower self-esteem, in wealthy societies).

Material posessions are great & all, and something which is a reasonable aspiration for anyone in the United States of America, the United Kingdom & the west in general.

It is what separates us from the East - our collective wealth. This is noble.

But don't get caught up in your luxuries, is my advice. Feel free to ignore this advice.

In a way, I too, am empty inside, void of a self. Instead of desiring to have my self-esteem boosted, I desire to boost that of others and I feel too much for their plight. This might sound good, altruistic and warmhearted, but it's emotionally taxing on others and hurts them all the same if you have to vanish for a reason (doesn't matter if selfless or selfish when the outcome is functionally the same). I'm self-absorbed all the same, just for reasons that won't be recognized unless asked. If you vanish because you don't want to be a burden, it's functionally the same if you vanish because someone isn't doing what is wanted of them.

It's why I'm more like a narcissist than a normal individual even if I'm the opposite.

I have a mucocele that needs to be removed.

These days I tend to be procrastinating when it comes to maintaining email communications with the small number of people on my address list.

i feel older on the inside than on the outside.

I will have my tooth pulled out by my dentist who said today that nothing else can be done to this molar of mine

I am I, Don Quixote.

As Autistic as I am, with a moderate amount of time observing someone, interacting with someone, I know who they are; I even know how they feel. Not training. I just know from all the sensory inputs and patterns because I take it all in.

Which is useful in some situations, but a curse in others. Likely made from being an observer for too long and stupid memory/empathy/hyperfocus.

i've been getting Avastin injections in my lower anterior right eyeball since march of 2017. 5 GD years now.

Comfort Objects give me more happiness than people sometimes.

I'm being evicted. I'm unlikely to live to see the spring.

seems 90% of landlords give the other 10% a bad rep.