What's on your mind right now?

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^ me too!

I want to dream about Sweet Peas in a garden tonight. The little green animals that like to eat candy.

^ love that new avatar, CR.

I'm nervous to see my family that's coming tomorrow. And I feel trapped.

i am properly drunk.

I am sorry to hear that. I hope they get better for you.

I’m dreaming things that are keeping me from falling asleep or things that make me sick when I wake up in the morning. Damn insomnia.[/quote]


Thanks most kindly Pjscrab, as like yourself, there are times when I find it difficult to sleep and stay asleep.
As far as dreams well, nothing to do about that..

Also like the new avatars of both IsabellaLinton and CockneyRebel as they're both quite nice

A need to complete homework for my Spanish class, but I'm looking for a place where I can work without being bothered.

nothing to do in "life", except counseling. and even that ends in the end of October (this month).

feel unproductive. and emotionally repressed.

nothing to do all day long.

nobody will hire my worthless corpse. job interview Tuesday, Thursday and Friday were uneventful. Thursday, Kumon told me i was "overqualified". (an AA instead of just high school diploma.). wednesdays was also uneventful.

social interactions almost always result in failure and rejection. even when they do not, they are not necessarily worth the energy.

wish i joined the military at 18. college was a waste of time, money, and energy. the military provides medical and dental benefits. the military provides a guaranteed MOS. subject to involuntary reclassification. granted, the military service members sometimes have to work over 100 hours a week. but some civilians do too.

on monday, i was sitting on a bench outside and a Marines recruiter asked how old i was. told him 35. that was too old for the Marines.


feel emotionally repressed.

lying down. dark room. quiet room. trying and failing to meditate.

addicted to candy.

kit kat, reeses, twix. favorites.

all other food addictions, gave up. only took several days, at most.

yams, epicurean tofu, mediterranean lentil salad.

even Clif bars.

it's not the fat. it's not the sugar.

it's the chocolate.

crave chocolate.

some articles claim that chocolate stimulates the "love" portion of your brain.


no life, no job, no job skills, no future, no hope, no precious lil "friends", no emotional resilience.

I just might need a movie that will help me get back into the Cockney Spirit. I know my mum would want me around more if I got back into that groove.

Some people say that the reason why some people are homophobic is because they think they are perfect and everyone different is bad and wrong


That statement (marked in ) is wrong, because plenty of gays also think that they are perfect, but they are not afraid of straight people


The current counselor treats me like I am 5 years old.

She told me that the reason why some people talk too much and too loudly and give me headaches was because I am clinically depressed.

But the counselor does not have their medical records,. And correlation versus causation


The current counselor keeps telling me that something is an "unfortunate thing that happened". But everything is either fortunate, neither or unfortunate. You can't guarantee just the first two.


and if everything was "fortunate", that changes the definition of "fortunate"




When she flaps her trap, she expects me to blindly believe whatever she tells me.

When I say something she says "uh huh uh huh uh huh" like she's receptive, but she only takes what she wants (just like mister redelings)




Even when I brought the dictionary, she refused to believe that "mad" does not mean "angry"

So..... In that case I "helped" her. Not vice versa. And I taught her. And not some cliche , it's great to be neurotypical and cisgender, but The dictionary definition.

She told me that the insurance pays her 75 bucks an hour to flap her trap

So who is "helping" whom?

Maybe she should hire me as her assistant.

CockneyRebel, your avatar reminds me of one of the elements found within Plants Vs Zombies game, referring to the P-shooters as such, quite nice indeed.

I just realised people don't die because their bodies give out. We die when God calls us home. I know people who have been dead/dying for years, yet they're still here. I also know other people who are perfectly healthy and suddenly die through some freak occurrence, like their perfectly functioning liver suddenly stops working or they have a heart attack even though they've been fit as a fiddle.

I saw a guy on Youtube yesterday who was 109 years old at the time of filming. He had lived his life smoking, drinking and eating ice-cream every day. Yet he never got sick, and he's still going strong - drives his own car everywhere and lives alone, doing his own washing, etc.

I've lost some special people in my life ... we were very close, even if we never saw each other very often. It happened suddenly, often without the chance to say goodbye... And I was sad for ages and not really liking life or trusting it. But now I know the truth, that nobody goes a second before their time. And that thought comforted me more than anything else has since all this death came into my life...

I guess what I'm saying is I believe life has a purpose. Everyone has their role to play. Nobody is redundant. We are all special. And very often we don't realise how special certain people are until it's their turn to go. Everything looks most beautiful just before it ends.