What's on your mind right now?

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my factory settings might be fairly primitive. I need what I got even at the expense of the cumulative addlements.

I guess. Would be nice to get a break from the same constant bombardment, though.

Every day, feel like gorging

Appetite gone haywire

"Life" going nowhere

Nobody will hire my worthless corpse

Nobody wants to be my "friend"

The former aikido instructor won't answer the email

Nor will the former aikido classmate

There is not much left to do in "life"

Flunked all of the schools that will take me

Canned from all of the jobs

Dumped by all of the "friends"

Evicted twice

And etc cetera

They were all bad things

But it turns out that it didn't matter nearly as much as it appeared to at the time

For example, a cousin got an Aerospace engineering bachelor degree ten years ago

He has never had that job

So whatever

f**k

I am 30 now. Will this decade be better than the previous one or is it going to be another nightmare?

Consolation prize

Reparations

Apologize

Spoiled upper middle class brat deserves to be called "it", not "he"

Even when things are as good as it gets, still depressed and anxiety and uptight and can't accomplish nothing

Hoping to become employed in an environment which is not stressful or goes against my autistic qualities.

Why do people do the things they do?

How long I'll leave my voice recording up before I decide to delete it...

A need to finish an online class assignment (homework, just to be clear) before its due tomorrow.

Oh boy - I just found out (as in, no more than ten minutes ago) that I have to put a costume together in time for a party my social skills group is having on Saturday, including some fairly precise painting and stuff that I'll have to try to do with a significant tremor, if I'm going to try to do what I really want to - fortunately I already had an idea and had started to do some stuff quite a while ago, so I can at least pick up where I left off instead of trying to start completely from scratch (because that would so not be happening in two days). I'm really nervous about it - that I won't finish my costume in time, that it won't turn out the way I wanted at all, that people might judge me for it, that only one person there will even have the slightest idea what it's supposed to be... Honestly, I'd much rather not go. I wish I could still get away with just going trick-or-treating for Halloween instead of having to go to a party if I'm going to do anything at all, I'd be much more comfortable doing that (and would've had a lot more lead time, too). Also, I sure hope the paint I was using before hasn't dried out or anything - if it has, I'll have to wait for my mom to get more on her way back from work tomorrow afternoon.