What's on your mind right now?

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The bible: keep yourself from practicers of magic.

Jesus: practices magic.

^

Boo's a crazy cat today.

Wondering what an MRI of my brain looks like

And what it looked like when I was 12

Clinical depression

Counseling is just sitting around talking

If talking can help, talking can also hurt

Some precious lil "people" act like every thought and emotion that goes through their precious lil heads , is the latest greatest scientific invention




It gets on my nerves how precious lil "people" bother me and then innocently ask "are you ok", or blame me for my reaction

For example, the aikido instructor let her off leash dogs into the building. It came charging at me. I was lying down. It scared me so much I was screaming. Almost hyperventilating

"Are you ok?", The lil b***h had the nerve to ask me

Wtf?

"He's friendly. He won't bite"

Only dogs that paid tuition are allowed in the building

Situational versus dispositional

It reminds me of, mass shooting suspects' friends,family, co-workers, say "he looked like a nice normal person"


everyone looks nice and noal, at some times to some people"


The "instructor" barely even apologized

"Sorry" doesn't fix nothing



Oh and by the way


You said you have done aikido eight years

You keep calling me a "beginner"


What dictionary do you use?


I have done aikido ten years!


Your dog is an "it" , not "he"

f**k both b*****s (dog and owner)

My cat has been gagging and vomiting for a while. I wish time would pass sooner so i can take him to the vet.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends and family, and happy 55th wedding anniversary to my parents.
Yes, they married on JFK day.

Does industrial engineering fall under business or engineering, at college?

Thansgiving

Almost everything is closed

No rain forecasted

Thank Buddha



Wet shoes smell

Library, bookstore, trader Joe's closed

Only one friend right now

If she gets struck by a car or she doesn't want to be my friend anymore, then I have zero friends

But for a long time, I have had zero friends, and nothing bad happened, that otherwise would not have happened





Spoiled upper middle class brat should not have been allowed at aikido

"Care" means "to attend to". It does not specify intention, legality, outcome, or morality




Sometimes an apology is necessary but insufficient

Sometimes financial reparations are necessary

Sometimes reparations are necessary but not possible

When precious homophobic "people" thought I was wrong, it was like inciting a riot



When it turned out they were homophobic, no apology

They act like they have never done anything wrong before

On your knees begging forgiveness


Pay for my top surgery


Cou
rt order





By the way, not everything has to be "cool" or "ok"

With you

Do not be so judgmental

I feel like I can't trust nobody

Because you looked trustworthy, to me, at the time

And you were homophobic

"Discrimination"

Plenty of precious lil "people" in San Diego were homophobic

When it turned out they were wrong, not a single one of them, apologize to me. Much less financial reparations




f**k those ass holes

No joob, job skills, precious lil "friends", hope, future

By the way, say "excuse me", not "what"

No homophobia

No racism ("n***a", "you Vietnamese?")

No sexism ("are you a boy or girl?")

Even if iwas cisgender,

I am 35 and postmenopausal

Not "girl",

Got that, BOY

Contemplating a change in career.

Private investigating sounds like fun, even if it's on the fraud/debt collection/mercantile side of things.
Can rule out long distance truckie due to the physical discomfort I experienced driving for 12 hours recently.
Nursing, as a way to pay homage to my mother. Pallative care might be where it's at.
Mortician, embalmer, crematory operator maybe.

looking forward to stuffing my face like a good amuuuurican.

^^^digest well, my friend

My parents' 55th anniversary would have been today (JFK Day)
My father's 85 birthday would be next week
My mother turns 80 next month

We have a family gathering on the week-end to celebrate all of this and I'm anxious about it.
My mother will get emotional and I'll turn into my normal hunk of cement.

When.i was 21 I thought "life" was over

But maybe "life" was over before 21

Looking at some members' posts, makes me realize that the way I think is just as doomed and bad and unproductive as the way they write

Things that will never happen:
Military
Structural drawings
Breast reduction surgery
Friend
Family
Homophobic reparations


Those are fantasies

They might have been possible at 18, but not anymore

The world is not a playground

The world is a torture chamber "for you"

Should I go to inpatient?
It's Thanksgiving but no dinner today.
I could at least go to the park.