WP Addicts Anonymous

Post Reply New Topic

Thank you all so much for being so sweet.

I really mean it. You are all so beautiful.

Alas, this time I think I did it to myself. Or no one did it.
You can knock me off if you like, right now I'd thank you for it.



Mum says that for the first few years, seasons really confuse and amaze children, because they haven't grasped the concept of seasonal change yet. They forget they've seen a winter before, or else can't place it in time.

That's how I feel about my deep depressive spells. They catch me off guard, every damned time. Like I forget that they can happen.
Sometimes it takes a while for me to recognise them, even, and I wonder if that's maybe a product of autism. I feel something but I don't know what it is, and it takes ages before I realise - oh s**t, it's the black dog again.

I tried to go and ask my mum for help tonight, but I couldn't do it. I can't bring myself to hurt other people like that, to spread my pain like poison.
Generally I pay very little attention to what people say about me, but that's one thing that's always stuck.
The one time I tried to reach out, I was a burden.
Nightmare.
f*****g disaster.
Millstone around their neck.

All quotes. I can't do that to them again. Nor can I have that done to me.


Love you all.

^I have this habit of not telling anyone if I am in pain or sad. My independent streak is a big factor, as well as trying to please people and make them happy. I have a lot of trouble asking for help.

^ I never learned how to ask for help, in any context.

I'm so private and introverted, even when the problem's serious I just can't find a way to ask.
It leads to disaster, and then they say: well why didn't you just ask for help?

I don't know how.
And the way I am, not knowing how to do something is tantamount to it being impossible. I need to see the way before I can act on it.

That's a poor explanation.
My eyes hurt from crying.

^It's a fine explanation. Can you look in the mirror and say 'I love you'? Beating yourself up will only create a cycle of hurting.

^I've a complicated relationship with mirrors, but I can say that I love myself, and mean it.
There is no point in not loving myself, I'm one of the only things I can be sure of.

That said, I do have breaks sometimes.
She loves me too, the other me, but I'm afraid of her.

I love myself.
I love, and I am loved.
Somebody needs me at least.
Actually that last one terrifies me. To be needed. It makes it harder to let go.

I'll send much light and pure love to you. Me being me, I often give too much of myself and end up drained. I'm trying to be more careful.

Don't drain yourself Kura, I'll send some light back.

I'm not a total vampire.
Just mostly.

going to color.

^ Enjoy.

What are you colouring?

enjoy your trip.

Yo

^ hullo.

Would you like to hear a weird story?

Yo Raleigh, yeah, fire away!

Do you ever want something and then it shows up?

Happens to me all the time.

I was thinking avocados after seeing some at the markets yesterday (too expensive).
Then someone showed up this morning and gave me a bag of avocados.