WP Addicts Anonymous

Post Reply New Topic

^^

Attitude in a good, bad or neutral sense?

Obsessed as in fascinated, or can't let it go?

I do believe it's possible.
You are.

Jekyll-and-Hyde-like.
That kind of thing really grips me.
Abusive but heart-aching kindness at the same time.
Ah, I'm probably f****d.

Oh definitely possible then. That would fascinate me too.
How even is the balance?
I know somebody like that very well. 80% Hyde, on average. But the Jekyll is so kind.

The abuse probably outweighs the kindness.
But the kindness is so sweet.
A honeyed trap, no doubt

^
I have known someone like that for a long time. It is confusing.

Especially when you cannot predict when the change will happen.

It is confusing.

Especially when you don't understand why.

Especially when it goes on for days and you don't know when the normal them will come back.


Especially when you don't know when they will become a Hyde, and when they do, it loses all semblance of being human,
and becomes an inhuman rage monster.

Especially when everyone thinks they're this kind, wonderful person, and you're the only one that sees the monster side of them.

Especially when they don't seem to remember anything or have control over their angry episodes.

Especially when they never apologize for anything they've done.

Especially when they say 'I love you' and I'm sorry.

I try to approach it from an analytical point of view.
Focus on studying them, their patterns, and the way they behave.
I've probably adopted that approach as a coping mechanism. It adds distance, and attempts to remove emotion.

Especially when, you're a little kid, and you don't know any better, and so you assume that they're always right.

Especially when no one will acknowledge that any abuse happened because they don't remember any, or the person is too nice to do anything like that.

Especially when everyone around you thinks that they're the one in reason, and assists in punishing you, 'cause y'know.

Especially when you spend your whole life thinking you have to cater to the two-faced beast, and it f***s up your life and your freedom and your happiness and everything you know.
And they control your house as well.

Especially when you don't realize they're not always right until it's too late, and by then the damage has already been done.

Mine had an abusive childhood, and I firmly believe he's on the spectrum.
We're very alike in many ways; when he chooses (or is able?) to be compassionate, it blows me away.
I do try to understand.
But having understanding and putting up with it are two different things.

Complicated people are fascinating.

(((Lillikoi)))

If the damage has been done, it might be best to look to the future, and how you can proceed.

Or as Shakespeare puts it,


My philosophy aligns with these, but it's hard to stick to sometimes.
Events in the past can damage us. If they're part of our childhood, especially, that damage becomes part of our being. It impacts our character, the way we respond to things, our understanding of the world.
Hm.

On a side note, I used to have a curtain like this in my room, when I was a kid.
Rainbow dolphins , they made such a lovely noise.

I'm having a hard time taking people "in" these days. I don't know why
If I don't really take people in, my giving feels fake.. Just words really..

Can I choose to take people in... like I did for a period.. I feel a resistance in me to do it.

When I took people in it felt good both giving and recieving. Now I just feel hardened, and undeserving of recieving.

I don't know when I hardened, I think it went gradually. I think it's a form of protection.

(Sometimes I don't bother spell checking with google translate, so I asume there are some errors. I know there are. I just guess how to spell some words )

I think I know what you mean, Froya.
You feel a coldness with people where there wasn't one before?

I get that a lot. It makes me feel pretty awful; like I can't be there for them, I can't care or be a friend etc.

Hi by the way, lovely you

^Yes exactly! That sounds correct. I think I have been like that for years, with exception of a period of a few months this year.

Hey you..

(((Hugs Lillikoi)))