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How am I going to take care of myself or my son? Road blocks, mental issues, dispute with my ex, mother's judgements

Some how.
I want to be able to make things happen.
I need to be hopeful.
There's a strong sense of saying I want to make it work, and then f*** it all.

My life has been a living nightmare since 2006. Almost 13 years have passed. Why haven't things gotten better? Why am I still socially isolated and creatively underdeveloped?

Past midnight, no chance of rain, a blackout, and a new pair of glasses...


I never seen so many stars for quite some time... It's been several months since I've seen the night sky without the light pollution, my eyesight and most of all the annoying rainy clouds obscuring it.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

A customer told me today not to report a certain type of incident because it was obviously bothering them that they couldn't confirm it with their network services provider, "Only report things that we can confirm".

(My initial thought was: "Want to confirm it? Then start recording some network traffic and stop relying on piss poor firewalls written by monkeys with logging that at best - works!")

Needless to say, i died a little and had a brief moment of just standing up and walking home to do something more fullfiling like going out into the woods and abandoning society forever...

Neutron Stars.

Seriously, thet are mind-boggling:

I have a crush on the dad from Atypical.

Finally got around to cleaning up the stains on the part of the rug around my cat's litter box.

I thought by the time she reached 13, I would be a lot further along in life, but alas here we are in 2019, and I'm still in the same position. Virginity is still intact, no dating life to even speak of, career is non-existent, still live with parental units. The one saving grace is that I have somewhat of a social life due to my volunteer work, but even that is just limited to just communication on what needs to be done; outside of that, I'm just listening to conversations that half the time I can't even input on due to no relatable experience as a result of not having stepped out as I should have done ages ago.

Who says magic isn't real? I've been doing my own money spells using green candles lately and I just found out that my mom is giving me $50.

My next-door neighbors new nobs. A door nob can change the look of an entire door. Amazing.

That, between my manager (who I'm pretty close with as he's also on the spectrum) being out of work with a neck injury for the past few months and the day program I've been attending for several years closing down forever come March 15th, I feel like I'm living in the Twilight Zone.

Destroyed my "life" a long time ago

After structural engineering, it felt like going from 100 to zero

But it was more like from 9 to 8

Dichotomous thinking

Counselors encourage dichotomous thinking

"A major loss", aikido

"Horrible" one hour bowel movement

"Sorry" someone had the nerve to tell me that "go back to your country"



All that's left of "life":

Homophobia
Dogs
Drug dealers
Grudges
Brain damage, depression, anxiety, autism
Structural engineering


Aikido
One friend could lose them at any time


"Most people" are entitled lil dipshits. Today saw Amy Lee b***h. Dog and phone. She acts like it is up to her to say something is "cool"


Do not say "what" to me, b***h Say " excuse me"


Saw my sister at trader Joe's. She did not appear to have seen me


There are an infinite number of things that I have to avoid and ignore, because they will damage my worthless corpse


There are a few things that might "help" . Or nothing





Attitude

Beliefs

Assumptions

Connotation

Denotation

Financial reparations





Group home

Nathan Sutherland

Double standards

I'm divergent sure, but... looking at everyone else around here, I'm not the same kind of divergent. Which begs the question, what sort of divergence is this?

...but then I've already said the same thing several dozen times. Not sure what else to talk about.

Jeff Dunham is awesome.