What's on your mind right now?

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Various inconsequential thoughts.

I've been pondering for years the connection between Taoist philosophies and the contemporary thing we call science. I always seem to arrive back at Taoism. Maybe it's just confirmation bias.. However, I do realize I need (or should) follow more closely the contemporary findings.

Ok i just want me (and therefore you bcuz im thinking the same might apply) to find scaffolding n stairs to take me out of that past

n also out of the present Blank (the blankness n not knowing how to progress)
N find a way to get to a new n better place

I need to find good ppl surrounding me
N tke on their mindset n insights
To propel me into better habits of thinking which will give me strength to try n do things that j am afraid to do

Already on this forum i found kraftiekortie Raleigh isabella etc who all helped me get into an easygoing frame of mind

If i cd socialize with ppl in real life i wdnt need this. I wd have friends n move on easily using their help n they wd distract me n have good vibes that new things wd happen

I cannot socialize at all only politely with a gap that is not ‘friendship’ to anyone else
Writing is easier

Ohhh i saw your (shortfatbalduglyman) blog listed on your profile just now guess what my youngest brother has Marfan’s syndrome too, n ASD both.
Anyway that is irrelevant to you.

I'm truly sorry that you feel generally "sh***y" and I wish I could help. When I was about your age I had a terrible time socially too. I still don't feel like I fit in, but I realized that's it's just me. I've been on this forum for a couple weeks now, and I wonder how many of us had or have turbulent emotions beneath the surface. I KNOW I have my share. I've been working on becoming better since I was just about 14...never fit in...and likely never will. But that's just me.

If you keep looking, you'll find it, blooiejagwa. I mean, answers. Solutions. Whatever it is you need to find.

Shortfatuglybaldman I read some of ur blog n realized u operate from the intellect more than me. Its actually very logical (the way u think) n that is smthing i lack.

I think im starting to admire u the way I admired my sons old (no longer works with him) Nurse Irene.

She also had a similar style of logical thinking n also had logical critique of accepted customs/ideas. I guess cuz she had quite a traumatizing life n was basically used by her family to earn money abroad alone

while they all lived together
she was too moral n proper to do anything else even if they all live in her home country at ease she went n worked fr them all

(Her dad abandoned them n got a family in America//
M then came back into their lives much later, n her mom accepted him again which is really wrong in my opinion)

which shows her character

I guess/know that i cling to ppl like that n im sure its v annoying

Blooiejagwa

Usually I try to act on logic instead of emotion

Often I fail

Logic is not morally superior to emotion

"Sometimes forgiveness is not logical", a former counselor told me.

This just proves tht ASD ppl have deep empathy contrary to some books n misconceptions.

Thanks fr caring n i realized its a 7 yr age difference - 7 yrs is the gap between me n XH

Yes. You likely have heard that we replace our cells every 7 years, correct?

So at 7 we're renewed, then 14, 21, 28, 35, 42, etc. You're starting a new cycle. It will be better...easier...

Oh so )here goes my rusty attempt to rationalize)

1. Logic n Emotion can be equal morally

2. To not forgive (hold pain, grief, resentment, want justice) is logical



3. To forgive might not be logically good but
emotionally it’s good

4. Me NOT forgiving/forgetting/healing is logically good but not emotionally good

5. My emotions affect my thinking and actions.
Therefore it is logical that if I try to improve n discipline my EMOTION,
N feed good emotions,
my thinking n actions would improve

6, if thinking and actions improve then new n better experiences will come (which i might handle better)

which will logically be good fr me on all levels.

7. (emotional thinking— i am afraid the experiences will betray me n things will turn sour n bad again.

But logically

Because i learned frm the past n experienced bad things i know the Early signs .
Then i can avoid bad things quicklY.

So greater chance of good results.

8. Not xperiencrd thinking positively (logically n emotionally) due to less ‘workout’ the muscles of positive thinking n experiences are weaker. But they will continue to weaken unless i push myself out of the past n do new things.

If i do new things n get better exposure n good experiences (even if the %age is less than bad experiences )

the positive logic n positive emotions will get stronger n stronger till they dominate

worse than self-blaming. they're not giving themselves or anyone a chance to love or be loved.

Interesting observation.
___

Have I ever mentioned that I used to be a 'reverse-racist' ?.

how'd you move beyond it?

Most people don't bother reading up on history I think.

If they did, they'd know what they were talking about instead of getting confused so easily.

Hopefully something good will come from all this and I know what I want but - I don't think so somehow. I'm very negative with all this.

And good, she's actually talking to people. They need so many baby steps though. Talk to them as if they're wee kids.

Not optimistic over tonight's match either.

I'm such a stereotype it's just that people from a long way away don't even understand the stereotypes.

I feel pi**y. Though I'm not sure exactly why.

I think Rob was showing off about me.

I don't like that he was saying I was 'his'

It's objectifying crap.

I keep thinking about summer and what I'm going to do when it gets here. I've gone through a summer, fall and now a spring semester at my community college. I will not be taking classes next summer so I will have the free time away from college stress. I can't wait.